THE END ALL BE ALL BLOG

Jesus Take the Wheel....find me a man!

2011-08-22T01:30:00.003-05:00

Every now and then I’ll be toying around Facebook and I’ll come across the status update of some female ‘friend’ I’ve never met, who I wouldn’t be able to pick out of a lineup if I actually saw in the street. Sometimes they are very whiny, making vague statements about how sad, or frustrating, or boring their life is. And then there are those times when they just come right out and say what I assumed they were speaking ambiguously of in the first place which is that they’re mad because they don’t have a man. Something typical they might express is that they are going to “Let go and Let God” in their manquest.

Now let me first say that I have met some true Christians in my life who believe all their glory lies in their faith. They have lived their lives in accordance to being faithful to the men they had or awaiting the men God wanted for them. And while I don’t agree I commend them for the courage and passion I lack. But clearly some of these women are just looking for an excuse not to take responsibility for their actions. I know this because I do it all the time. I struggle with using God for convenience to bail me out of tough situations too. I don’t waste my wishes on petty things like Love or relationships. I save my prayers for truly important matters like not getting pulled over because there’s a bench warrant for my arrest even though I got the ticket and ignored my court date 8 months ago. But just like every other person in the world my life would be so much easier if I just did what I was supposed to do, like bringing my car in for regular maintenance instead of waiting for starting mechanisms to fail before I address the problem (Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that once you bring in a car for one thing something else will inevitably go wrong as soon as you get it back?
Part of me believes that all mechanics take a secret oath not to tell us civilians that they are sabotaging our cars to get quicker return trips to the shop.) That being said I’ve been playing around with a theory for the past few weeks. If you don’t have somebody in your life it’s because you don’t really want somebody in your life.

I’m not trying to indoctrinate anyone with my religious beliefs, but I must reiterate I don’t believe God works the way these women think God does. I think it’s a contradiction most folk are comfortable with to believe in both free will and chosen paths. The only convenient way to believe in both of them is Divine intervention, which I also feel is something someone made up when they couldn’t articulate that they wanted to believe something out of convenience. Which is ok by me cause I rather like the idea of divine intervention. But even if you subscribe to ‘DI’ it’s safe to say it’s a little more than intervention when God is arranging your marriages. If you are insisting that the person who is supposed to be in your life isn’t there because God hasn’t yet put them there you could be right… but you could also be making excuses, because when God tried to hook you up with several other people you were busy trying to tell God why you didn’t want to holla.
This theory doesn’t apply to people who have recently broken up with someone or been broken up with. Rather those who have been perpetually single for several years ‘unable’ to find a match. There is this woman I casually dated a while back. We went our separate ways but I became privy to her life once again very recently. Without getting into too many details about this person I’ll just say I saw her through a whole new lens after not thinking of her romantically for so long. Where before I had taken things at face value she had expressed about her previous lover, now I realized she had embellished on her victimization when recounting the past. She flattered herself speaking about how devout she was to the union in spite of his inattentiveness. Now I’m not saying it was all fabrication, however, I am saying had I heard his side of the story I’m sure there would be some truths exposed that would shed a different light on her accusations. But I think the important observation is that I learned the most disingenuous of her statements were those of desire for a significant relationship.

The truth of the matter is that she was in a very meaningful situation with this man, which broke down for whatever reason, and she had the opportunity to work things out but decided against it while simultaneously deciding to continue engaging with him in relationship-like ways, thus not allowing herself to be open to new situations. Meanwhile she went to Church every Sunday, taking notes, and searching for spiritual guidance in the pastor’s sermon to shape her love life. She, like most people in denial, had other opportunities for other meaningful situations while she was still playing house with the previous tenant. The thought of investing emotions towards someone new in that critical of a way did not move her as much as she claimed it did. In her mind and behavior she would do things to make sure that all of her romantic interests, past, present and future, were at an arms length. Who knows the impetus? It could have been a fear of vulnerability. It could have been because she was more attracted to the pursuit than the actual practice of love. But the one thing that rang true for me was that she had gotten exactly what she wanted.

So I took it a step further and started evaluating some other past love interests. And my hypothesis seemed to hold true. Those who ended with me because I was not what they were looking for in a relationship found what they were looking for in someone else. And for those who preferred to blame the demise of the relationship on the other party (me) they were still single and still finding reasons for their failed relationships not to be their fault.

Then I turned the scope on myself and did some evaluation on the differences between how I have been in the past when I felt I wanted a relationship and not. While there were quite a few relationships I’ve been in where I couldn’t have done any more to make it work, I’ve also been in plenty where I couldn’t have done less. But the truth I’ve learned is that as much as I’d have liked to believe it was never me, it can’t always be someone else’s fault. If you actually believe that you have that much bad luck then it must be because God doesn’t love you, in which case I don’t know why you would call on him to save you now.

My assistant coach one time told me something that has stuck with me since. He was talking about our team’s apathetic play of late and he said “Hungry players do hungry things.” Just the same way having a voracious attitude on a court will result in success a drive to sate your hunger will result in being full. God doesn’t put you in the room at the right time. God doesn’t send messages through burning bushes or by way of bumping into Darren Sharper at Republic.
God gives you the power of discernment and common sense. You are ordering your own steps….step your game up.

For Colored Girls

2011-05-20T16:52:00.002-05:00

So to appease my friends who say I don't blog enough now that my personal life is no longer a matter of public record, and to appeal to the Twitter generation I'm going to do real time movie logs (mostly just my inner monologue) while I watch selected movies. Watch along with me for better understanding or if you've seen it enough times simply recall your own experiences. Clearly this will involve major spoilers as I will be reacting to scenes throughout so probably best not to read if you haven't already seen the movie.

I’ll preface this by saying I’m about 13 years removed from “reading” this book in my dad’s Af-Am Lit class so I don’t have as much background going in. I was looking forward to seeing this in theatres and didn’t make it, but I heard relatively good things.

Action!

1:14 I didn’t realize Thandie was in this!

1:25 Anika Noni Rose…? Why is that name familiar? (checks IMDB) Oh yeah. Princess and the Frog girl.

2:55 “Somebody…Anybody…sing a black girls song.” Jamylah and Shaneika make it hard to concentrate while I’m watching this.

3:20 Why does Kimberly Elise always play the victim?

4:33 there goes Tyler Perry again, parading naked men around.

5:39 He wouldn’t really call her a bitch if he had just hit. He’d just be like “Holla”

6:22 I’m not buying Kerry Washington’s acting right now

8:00 I like the idea of starting to water a plant from the time you meet someone. But if a woman came to me and handed me the plant she had been watering so as to break up with me I might be a little offended. What makes you think I want to take over your plant, plant lady?

10:50 I wonder if Michael Ealy gained that weight for this role?

14:48 Look at Marvin from Love Jones getting work “I’m going get some Motherf****** toasted oats…you trippin” That was for Kibwe

17:00 do all women speak so poetically when they talk about letting some dude hit? Hope so.

18:50 Did she just bump into Hill Harper who got into a car with Rosario Dawson? This movie is like Crash for black women plus poetry.

21:00 Yep… Kim Elise just walked into Janet Jackson’s office. It’s Crash. Oh and in case I forget to mention

Bitch….! In Kibwe and Gian voice @Janet Jackson

24:08 ooops.

Hill Harper: Why you mad at me cause you had a STD and didn’t tell me?

25:40 LOL…that boy said he was eating donuts.

Why didn’t they get Mykelti Williamson to play this role? What does he have better to do than be in For Colored Girls?

29:12 I’m convinced Kim Elise should get more work. She’s got to be good at other stuff too. By the way…my bad Kim. Everybody in this movie is the victim.

What kind of proposal is that? Nigga you just bust her good glass.

32:00 Why did Lisa Bonet just call Ceelie momma?

34:00 “Dance is my thank you for music” I like that… but Marvin is probably like why she keep talking bout all these latin people I never heard of?

35:47 ooops. “What kinda woman, picks a man up at a bar and takes him home?” What kinda dude stops a woman from taking his pants off to tell her how much money he has cause he figures he has to pay her? I feel the most sorry for his wife for marrying a man with such low self esteem.

Claire Huxtable keep meddling in everybody business… go to sleep lady.

43: I’m not sure who I’d choose to be if I had to be the dude with the STD who banged the pyramid and then gave the rose one put on my pillow to the other one, or Hill Harper standing there listening to his ol’ lady telling him bout how she used to be some man’s pet and that’s why we can’t have kids. If my future wife is reading this I really don’t need to know how you felt about the dude that gave you the STD. Just disclose the basics to me.

44: Frank doesn’t seem so bad. He seems like he likes Loretta Devine. I’m gonna say it wasn’t his fault.

47:10 oops. That’s why she mad. Her ol’ man like other dudes.

Janet Jackson looks like Dorcas in this scene.

48:09 “He wants to fuck you.” Thank you Captain Obvious.

Why Thandie thought she was paying for a college application at the dance studio? That ain’t college crazy.

50:23 “You don’t have no name girl.” This is my favorite Macy Gray role since Training Day.

55: I’m not condoning rape of course but I was pretty sure Anika was trying to let Marvin stick.

1:01 I changed my mind I like Phylicia Rashad now for telling these kids that story while they daddy beat on they momma.

Never mind…I hate her again. Why she screaming “help her” to everybody else? What you want them to do that you couldn’t?

1:04:37 Lawd is this nigga holding the kids out the window asking if she gonna marry him? This proposal is worse than the last one…

Laaawd this dude dropped both the kids! Didn’t he see The Good Son? You got to make a choice Mike…

1:08: Here I am again suspending disbelief that someone would start reciting poetry in a cathartic moment. I blame Tyler Perry for this one. I know he wanted to be true to the play, but there has got to be a less awkward way to get across the poetry. I think his greatest downfall as a director is that he puts too much responsibility on the actors when quite frequently his writing isn’t strong enough to convey the emotions they’re trying to portray like that movie he did with Lynn Whitfield where her two daughters are fussing at her about being raped. In this case the writing doesn’t suffer, neither the acting. Anika is quite good at making me feel like she just got raped. But if she’s going to be in this lucid state he probably should have taken a page out of another Lynn Whitfield movie, Eve’s Bayou. There was a scene when the aunt was talking about all of her husbands who had died and the men momentarily came back to life. If you want me to suspend disbelief make me think I’m not in a hospital and that I am actually inside of her head. The impact of her talking about being raped by a friend is definitely lost on me because the moment wasn’t captured well.

1:12: hmmm…. Watching this poem I guess it’s not necessary universally. This one goes over well without the montage. Maybe it’s the character.

1:19: that one worked for me… maybe it was the music or juxtaposing Whoopi and Thandie speaking at once.

Thandie is yelling again. I believe her….. “I said open this motherf***** door!”

1:23: I like Claire Huxtable’s poem the best yet. In spite of her self-righteous tone.

1:25: see….I knew Frank wasn’t so bad.

1:25:30 Janet’s house husband was playing “basketball” with the fellas.

I know she’s not feeling sorry for herself about her secretary’s kids dying?

1:28: Nyla: Don’t nobody feel like praying to yo punk ass God, Ceelie.

1:31:15 Kim Elise: Is a dry towel gonna wipe my kids off that sidewalk?
1:32:09 “Can she come join us?” Nice! But why Thandie gotta block…talking ‘bout she 16 knowing her sister is 18 and just graduated from High School?

1:34: Kim Elise: Uhmmm…excuse me…. My children just got dropped out of the window. Do you mind taking your heart to heart across the hall to your own apartment?

1:37 I’ve come full circle… I like the poetry in this movie now. This one with Anika dancing is cool.

But why are they calling her down to identify the body as if she couldn’t just give them a name in the first place? They should have arrested him before he could get stabbed by another rape victim.

1:40 Damn Loretta… Frank played me too.

1:44:40 Don’t do it Loretta! Don’t let him take yo stuff again!

1:47:02 Who does she think she is…just opening up people house like she paying the rent in this sommbitch.

Kim Elise: Ain’t nobody thinking bout no plan

Kim Elise: So you broke into my apartment to tell me I killed my kids? Oh hell no!

1:50:52 oops

1:52:28 lol…. I was just about to type “So you doing the bending?” and Janet said it.

1:56: see…this monologue goes over well because it doesn’t actually sound like a poem. I don’t have a problem with him leaving the camera on Janet in this case because she delivers very well in this scene.

2:00 When did this turn into the Birthday scene in Waiting to Exhale. Speaking of which…how pissed off is Angela Bassett Tyler Perry asked Janet Jackson to play the role of Jo? And WTF is Kerry Washington fussing about. You got you a good man now…get over the college dude already.

2:07….look at that…they made themselves into a little rainbow.

2:08 Never heard this Nina Simone song before…but I like it.

So yeah… I like For Colored Girls. I’m glad they made this movie. I suppose this is Tyler Perry’s best contribution to black people yet. I liked Precious ok but this is a better adaptation overall, even though a few scenes didn’t work for me.

Writing – 8.7 The story was pretty well written to say the play came out in the 70’s. Tyler’s adaptation of it is sufficient.

Acting – 9.6 Especially for an ensemble cast this was very well acted. Everyone seemed to have their place and even though it was probably difficult to carry so much emotion into these roles that probably didn’t really fit with the screen they all did very well. Probably the best thing about this movie.

Directing – 7.5 Again…there are things I would have done differently. This might have been a better project for Tyler to take on in some years when he had a few more tricks up his sleeve behind the camera, but then again it’s not a bad effort.

Cinematography – 5.9 Nothing special here. The only thing to really work with was the colors and although they looked kind of cool I would have liked to have seen them even more pronounced. I mean you’re already going over the top trying to convince me all these women are whispering poems to themselves. Why not indulge? Make Yasmine’s yellow stand out even more.

Miscellaneous – 8.4 It gets most of these points on style just because it’s so much more interesting seeing movies about black people that require me to listen. Music was ok…but didn’t always move me.

Grade- 40.1/50 = B-

I Just Saw a Ghost

2010-01-29T13:46:00.004-06:00

Three years ago I dreamed of a Saints-Colts Superbowl.
My two favorite teams over the last decade, my favorite football player ever, seeing an end to the Patriots Dynasty, and seeing an end to a losing dynasty. Not all of these wishful thoughts came to fruition. But I was still left with hope and optimism that the day wasn’t too far away. And although the years in between hacen’t exactly been easy, in retrospect it wasn’t that far away because just three short years later I am here on the cusp of the afore mentioned dream Superbowl. And it is almost everything I hoped it would be. I’ve read every article, watched every video clip, every NFL live “Cold Hard Fact Countdown.” The only thing that’s not absolutely magnificent about all of this is all the assholes constantly talking about the Vikings were the better team that day in combination with saying the turnovers, while opportunistic by the Saints Defense, were more Vikings mistakes than our good play. Of course I have a problem with both of those statements but I take solace in the hypocrisy and irrationality of it. You either were forced to give the ball away or you gave it away because you’re a pussy with a strong handshake and weak hands when being hit by Roman Harper. But if either of those is true you most certainly were not the better team that day. The Saints receivers had the decency to bobble the ball while trying to catch it instead of on the run afterwards. At any rate, I’m not getting my blood pressure all high talking about that because we’re in the game and they aren’t. I’ll let Shaneika handle my light work. But something occurred to me while replaying all of Sunday’s events in combination with hearing argument after argument why the Vikings should be representing the NFC. So the first thing I remembered was one of the commentators, in pre-game, saying if this game were played anywhere else he’d pick the Vikings. Maybe I have a chip on my shoulder (not maybe) but that kind of belittles the Saints. The Saints didn’t get Domefield throughout by not going out and meeting every challenge. They hyped up the Bills as a test, then the Eagles, then the Jets, then the Giants, then the Dolphins, then the Pats. Some even tried to throw the Falcons in there the first go round because they’re a divisional opponent. But we bust their ass too. But the clincher for us to get Domefield came because The Vikings couldn’t handle their own business and almost cost themselves the second seed when Jay Cutler and the Bears put on an aerial show on Monday Night Football. So in my mind I’m shouting back at the commentator “Nobody gives a shit where else the game COULD be played. That’s some woulda coulda bullshit that has no place in the Superdome.” So then when I calmed down from my imaginary tirade. I imagined if the game had been played in Minnesota. I rationalized to myself how and why the Saints would have won anyway. I imagined Hartley making that 40 yard kick in the Metrodome and instead of everyone rising to their feet, a deafening wave falling over the crowd. I was content with this image and that it would have been true as well had that been the case, and that revalidated the Saints being in the Superbowl for me again.
Now here’s the image that haunted me.
So I imagined after the game they would bring out all the stages and hoopla and interview the winners and such and I imagined them interviewing the Saints on going to the Superbowl and so forth and how that would have pissed off everyone in Minnesota. That led me to this. I was so optimistic about the Saints I did not for one second give a thought to the possibility of a Vikings vs _______ Superbowl. Not once was I in doubt that the Saints were the better team and would win that game. But then reflecting on how close the game was and how the Vikings were one big run (as opposed to an interception) from being in decent field goal range with little time left on the clock. That imagery in combination with the thoughts of us celebrating in the Metrodome brought me a vision of the Vikings celebrating their NFC championship on our field.
Now, because I had rationalized to myself at the beginning of this season that we were the best team and had a legitimate chance of going to the Superbowl, anything less would have been a disappointment. I would have surely been sluggish and unproductive if the Saints lost on Sunday (not that I’m not that anyway.) But I wasn’t at all prepared for what flashed in my mind. I’m usually pretty good with foresight and not getting the rug pulled from under me. I do a pretty good job of anticipating the worst case scenario. But I scared myself thinking about this after the fact because I realized I had not thought about it beforehand and how devastating it would have been to see it for the first time in real life with no mental preparation. I imagined a smiling half-shaved Favre holding up the trophy just like Drew Brees for all the Vikings fans at home. I imagined Zigy Wilf coming out of that box and giving a thumbs up to Prince. I imagined them interviewing anyone with pads and a purple jersey and me having to listen to a perspective on winning from Chester Taylor. And I imagined all those old feelings that weighed me down in the early Nineties when Montana used to bust our ass and then a decade later when Kurt Warner was doing it. All of those feelings of maybe we’re just not good enough, and never will be coming back after I thought I had purged them. Sitting watching Sidney Rice, a man for whom I have no affection, beaming in his proudest moment, while I am here at the furthest point from even an opportunity at optimism about my team. It was like having a flashback of a dead relative. Now don’t get me wrong, I want us to win the Superbowl, I’m not just happy to be here. But when I think about Vikings-Colts and 2 weeks of hype machine about Adrian Peterson and his feel good story, Goddamn am I just happy to be here.

All I want to say is that, they don't really care about Mike

2009-07-08T07:49:00.003-05:00

It’s July 7, 2009 today and Michael Jackson has been memorialized.

And I’m sad.

I’m not sad because of the passing of a legend, or more accurately the transcending of an Angel. I say Angel in the sense that his presence from birth to death was more than mortal for everyone who was blessed to see him perform. Not sad from grief either. In fact it oddly took me a few days and several music tributes for me to remember that in 1985 I cried after spending all night in front of the tv and he did not receive a single grammy. My mom explained to me later that he didn’t release any new music so there was nothing to win for. Of course I knew nothing of this because Michael’s music was always new and refreshing to me. But it wasn’t until that ephemeral, epiphany that I was able to feel anything more than disbelief.

Today I am sad for an altogether different reason. I watched something more than a man, who caused the simultaneous eruption of tears around the world that would make even Yoda pass out from that kind of disturbance in the force, serviced and remembered by the people who knew him LEAST…his friends and family. They followed one another trying to upstage the person before them like it was an audition. Granted I missed the early parts of the show so I didn’t see Stevie or Lionel Ritchie, but only Smokey Robinson, and maybe the King family, among them didn’t seem disingenuous, and that was cause Smokey spent half the eulogy talking about the song he had written and how amazed he was that a ten year old boy could perform it better than he could. Brooke Shields “choked back the tears” her whole time on stage while delivering her boring, and uninsightful epithets about her friendship with Mike. Jermaine tried to sneak in a fake gasp at the end of “Smile.” Usher fumbled his way through an unpopular Mike song that invoked emotion in neither the sung for nor the singer himself. And the very worst part of all came when they all huddled around the microphone like attention starved Jackals at the end of the show just so that Marlon could run overtime and leave everyone in limbo except for Michael’s little bratty daughter, who before her wonderfully touching moment where she exploded into a dry, sour, face that wouldn’t fool a single mom in America, who 2 minutes before her powerful words had to be corrected by aunt Janet to stop smacking on the gum, put down her purse and act like she was sad cause the whole world was watching. Then in the middle of her tantrum all 23 of the loving siblings grasped the mic to help the poor grief-stricken child. Or possibly to speak up on the child’s behalf if she was too moved to go on, and someone just had to relieve the precious little surrogate.

But her lack of attachment to her father neither surprises me nor serves to be illogical. Almost immediately after the brothers carried the body away ABC started promoting for their up-coming segment “Secrets of Michael Jackson” yet another attempt to exploit his personal life even in death. The true tragedy of his death is not that he died so young. The true tragedy is not that we have one less angel, because perhaps we don’t deserve that. The true tragedy is that everyone whoever came close to Mike knew he was an Angel from God but could see him as no more than a golden calf for their perverse greed. I have nothing but sympathy for Katherine Jackson, but the rest of them should all be waking in their sleep, as I write this, with a cold shiver of shame running down their backs. Maybe it’s not the Jackson’s faults as much as it is Joe. All of them probably perceived themselves as cash cows to him and each other since their birth and Joe’s vicarious dreams. And Mike, who had to martyr himself, first for his family, then the world, might not have been any different from Marlon if all the burden of being an Angel hadn’t been thrust on his capable, magnificent shoulders.

So, of course Joe Jackson is the worst of them all. The day following his son’s death he’s throwing winks and points at reporters. hand in hand with Al Sharpton (if I ever become famous and die tragically can the readers please impart to my parents I DO NOT want Al Sharpton to give a statement of any kind) making mention of his new record label, and telling people he couldn’t be better. I know we all grieve in different ways. But if you spend your entire life as a slave driver then you choose to grieve that way, you’re most likely just scum.

And then of course there’s me. The me who watched Moonwalker dozens of dozens of times. The me who loved Michael Jackson ballads only as much as I loved Michael’s pop songs. The me who would not trade my happiness from his music for the happiness Michael could have felt if he could have had a “regular” life and not been forced to be perfect every time he was in front of a camera since age five. Perfection drove him to insecurities leading to plastic surgery, and perfection that probably drove him to anxieties and insomnia over his return to stage and leading to his heart attack and untimely death. No I would not give back those years of my life and my own selfish happiness so that a little boy from Gary, Indiana could raise a family on a postman’s salary. I would not give back the romance of “Liberian Girl” The grooving fun of “Off the Wall” or the electric shockwave of the beat opening “Billie Jean” so that Mike could live in anonymity with dark skin, a big nose, and people that loved him for who he was and not for what he could do for them. And the Angel I like to believe Michael is probably wouldn’t trade it either, even if he didn’t have the opportunity to know how fulfilling being a regular person can be. Michael was a martyr but he was not Jesus, he was a performance prodigy, then genius, but he was not the God, Muse. Michael was an Angel on earth, but not Azazel. Michael was Midas. The people he loved, loved to bring him things and watch him do his magic. And when they weren’t being conniving with his gift they were being jealous of it. Everything he touched turned to gold and he couldn’t have lived a lonelier life because of it. But I wouldn’t trade one second of his lonely ass life for one minute of my very happy one.

I salute you Michael Jackson. You made, literally, billions of people’s lives better and all it cost was your own. And even though you could moonwalk and I can’t, the true testament to why you are a better man than me is because I would never have that courage. Someday I’ll be eulogized by people who loved me even though I wasn’t shit. And they’re going to talk about how great my life was because I was always happy. And even then in my grave I’ll still feel like “better me than you, Mike.” And you’ll probably be fine with that and not have hard feelings for me because you’re the world’s angel and you know it’s just human nature.

Kobe or Lebron...Not Kobe or Jordan

2009-06-24T15:22:00.003-05:00

So my friend Dario, who forever puts himself at the forefront of controversy when it comes to basketball just to annoy me I have no doubt, got me riled up again. He decided to create an argument for Kobe being better than Jordan even though he doesn’t believe it himself. His argument in a nutshell was that; the game has changed; players as well as the rules, Jordan’s competition wasn’t up to par with the new generation of player and Jordan had more help with Scottie (I assume he’s only referring to the current championship run, cause not many will argue Scottie being better than Shaq.) I posted a comment at his invitation that turned into a blog. So now I get to share it with the world so people can stop this inane argument for once and for all.

Now while it’s true I’m not a fan of Kobe’s and I have always been very critical of him, I am an objective person when it comes to things I think about more than a fleeting whimsical thought. I cheered for Kobe this year and I’m definitely starting to like him more now than before. But I will say with my whole heart and soul he is not better than Jordan.

1. Think about this honestly because a lot of people who want to make a case for Kobe are only doing it because of his similarity to Jordan. But in all honesty, how many people think Kobe is better than Magic Johnson… or even Akeem Olajuwan? If there had never been a Jordan I think there would be an argument about who the best player ever is. Some people would still say Magic, some would say Bird, some would even say Kareem, some would say Kobe and everyone would have a reasonable argument. If you care to remember before Jordan started winning championships people would make arguments for a lot of players as best ever. And then what happened? Jordan shut all that dumb shit down. He decided he wasn't going to lose anymore (Winning 6 Finals MVP’s which may not ever be matched by anyone, regardless of how many rings Kobe ends up with) and negated all reasonable arguments against him as the best player ever. Even people who don't like Jordan have to admit he's the best ever. People who don't like Kobe will never have to do such a thing. A) because he has not made that same mark that Jordan did, B) because he's actually just not as good. So reason number one why Kobe is not better than Jordan. You can't say Kobe is the best ever when there's room for a reasonable argument that he's not even the best in his own current era, much less of all time. Where as Jordan is at the top of everyone’s list on a matter as subjective as this.

2. What is not taken into effect in considering the era of competition is what makes Jordan so very indomitable.
Will Power.
Now you can say whatever you want to about the skill level of athletes today as opposed to yeasteryear. But obviously people will be more skilled as the generations pass. Back in the day if you were a big man it was mandatory to have a back to the basket game. Now big men have to be able to make an 18 foot jumpshot to get the other big men away from the goal. Zydrunas Illgauskas has a better skill set than Patrick Ewing as far as his basketball I.Q. and what his rating would be on NBA Live in all the categories. But I don't think a single person in the world believes for a second he's a better player.

Because skills don't translate into wins....Will power and determination do.

Back when Jordan was playing, the determining factor for being an elite player was wanting to win. Jordan was up against it all the time with players, who he kept down, who wanted really badly to win. Before that he was being kept down by the Pistons and the Celtics, two teams with fierce leaders who wanted nothing more than to win every game of basketball they played, and made their team mates share that sentiment or find a spot on another roster. If Isaiah Thomas didn't like his team what do you think is more likely, he would demand a trade, or he would demand the front office to get better players? Or Bird, or Magic, Or Ewing, or Olajuwan, or any of these players who spent the majority of their career with one team? But nowadays everybody who feels like they can't win where they’re playing is looking to jump ship and get to a "contender." They want the quick fix. Find me a team that's ready to win now and I'll go contribute to that, as opposed to put a team around me and I will make them a champ. Kobe being the worst of all of them because he demanded that a championship team be broken up only to become unsatisfied with it and demand that another be structured in its place or be traded. But the point is these NBA players may have more skills they can go to individually but few have a burning will to win as the players in Jordan's era. Reggie Miller was the most clutch shooter ever. And the only year he ever got a sniff of a ring was when Jordan was long gone. Patrick Ewing made it to two NBA finals in spite of the Knicks being one of the best teams in the Eastern conference year in and year out for over a decade. Both of these were in non-Jordan years. The Pacers that took two games from the Lakers (Kobe & Shaq and much better role players) in the finals would have beaten this Lakers team 4 games to 1. This is what Jordan was up against just to get to the Finals. Then when he got there he had to deal with players like the afore mentioned Karl Malone who would, as Moses said, crack a mother******* skull for coming in the lane stupid, cause he wanted to win so bad. Who did Kobe have to go through? Deron Williams (formidable, but not in anyone's conversation as being a great winner since the Jazz are always a 7th seed first round exit) Louis Scola and Shane Battier, and then Carmello (Bernard King comparison from earlier) and Chauncey who is a legitimate winner. Only to get to the Finals and face.....Hedo Turkoglu. LOL!!! C'mon bruh...Hedo. This is the insurmountable gauntlet to championship glory? You gotta be kidding. Jordan was playing teams in the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs that could beat the Magic. The only reason they made it to the Finals was because KG was hurt and Lebron's team stepped their games down for the first time all year (probably a coaching flaw, or maybe a lack of toughness from Lebron to his teammates who wanted to win for him, but weren't scared of his wrath if they lost.) Kobe is only one of three or four superstar players in the NBA right now with any legitimate will to win. Manu and Duncan are old and decaying, KG was hurt, Lebron took the high road and was a nice guy to his teammates instead of the asshole that Kobe and Jordan are. And then what else? A case can be made for Chauncey, D. Wade. That's about it. Kobe had to deal with only one of those factors this year. I'm getting a little long winded on this point. But I will digress now with this, Skill sets don't mean shit if losing doesn't hurt.
3. And this is probably my most definitive argument for this; the only reason that Kobe can exist is BECAUSE of Jordan. Kobe got a head start on basketball because he got to absorb all of Jordan's knowledge. Kobe is definitely a basketball prodigy. He has an understanding and feel for the game that is like Mozart on the piano. He was able to study Jordan and the game around Jordan and internalize that so well he was almost able to pick up where Jordan left off. That is admirable and almost miraculous. BUT, while exceptional it isn't transcending. The mark of a great player is that he has to raise the bar. Bill Russel did it. Wilt did it. In the 70's basketball was divided and no one was really doing it. Jerry West and Kareem were good, but they weren't doing anything Havilchek and Wilt didn't do before them. Oscar Robertson did it statistically, but I can't say how much impact it had because it didn't translate to too much winning. Then after the 70's Magic and Bird did it together. They revived the NBA. That's how you raise the bar. So with the NBA revived how can you possibly raise that bar?
Jordan did.
He raised the bar so high he made himself unequivocally the best ever. He changed the game and brought about the likes of a Kobe. His game was so good that even having watched an entire Vince Carter career, which was probably more fantastic than Dr J, We have to think of him as an underachiever because he's always gonna be stuck being compared to Jordan. Think about that for a second... how many people have come into the league and failed at basketball simply because they couldn't measure up to a Kobe comparison? But there are no Kobe comparisons. Is it because Kobe's too good and no one compares? No. It's because Kobe is still trying to live up to the Jordan comparison. He can't raise the bar past where Jordan got it even though he picked it up where Jordan left it. Kobe has not changed the game, and he probably wont. And while I do feel like he is better than Lebron right now. I also feel like Lebron has the ability to be better than Jordan because he can change the game of basketball as we know it. I mean a 6'8 270 lb truck playing the wing has already changed it somewhat. For an example let's take it out of basketball context. I earlier compared Kobe's basketball intuition to Mozart. This, while an accurate comparison in terms of capabilities, is inaccurate in terms of application. Mozart could interpret music and did something with it no one ever did before. Shakespeare did things with writing no one ever did before. These are game changers. Jordan is a game changer. Magic and Bird are game changers. Bill Russel? Game changer. Kobe simply listened to all the music Jordan composed and recycled it. No interesting spin on it, no re-interpretation. No unique vision. Just the same old tune spun back out. I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been cool to just have another Martin Luther King. That would be great. But you know what's even better...? Having a Barack Obama who takes the mantle left by MLK and RAISES THE BAR. That's a game changer.

Kobe is not Miles Davis, he's not Stanley Kubrik and he for damn sure ain't Michael Jordan.

Pass It On.....

2008-12-12T01:23:00.002-06:00

Been kinda busy. I got a couple of gigs now. I'm writing a newsletter for a group of friends I'm working with. And I'm writing for this other nationally distributed magazine based out of Atlanta. I been meaning to post some of those things on here but none of the writing has gone into publication yet so I been a little bare on the home front. In the meantime there's this....

By the way.... If you're in the New Orleans area looking for a good time on Saturday night....

OBAMA

2008-11-10T11:36:00.004-06:00

5:00
I’ve just coached the final playoff game for the best class of athletes we’ve had come into Lusher in about 4 years. We lost 6-0 in double overtime on a length of the field interception return for a touchdown. The defense, which I coach, has only allowed 13 points in the last 4 games and 2 overtimes; that’s a little over 3 points a game. But I’ve got my head banging against a steering wheel because I was the one who suggested to our offensive coach that their defense might not be suspecting a pass since we’ve run it down their throat all day. I didn’t think he would pass since we worked our way down to the one, but the resulting interception and touchdown leave me stinging because I know these guys had a legitimate chance of winning the championship in the next game. The entirety of the game I forget everything I’ve been agonizing over for the last ten months and in the fifteen minutes following the game I don’t even care who our next president is. Of course I come to my senses quickly thereafter when I realize I get most of these guys back for basketball, and track…and then 5 more years after this one. So let’s concentrate on what’s important for the next 8 years.
7:00
I’m sitting in my bed. I’ve come directly home after the game because I want to be with my family, anticipating an Obama win. It’s kind of like New Years except if New Years had never ever happened before and you only had your dreams as comparison. My mom tells me they’re going by her friend’s house for an election party. I agree to join them shortly. So far only Kentucky has been secured by McCain. And they are trying to get me on edge about Pennsylvania so that I watch some more of their MSNBC commercials. They can spare me the drama because I’m going to watch and savor every moment of black man for president I can. But of course I’m a little worried because this is literally the thing I most want in the world! And I have no control over making it happen. I have to sit and watch and hope that racist America isn’t as strong a presence as I have believed it is for the last 10 years. I’ve been down this road a time or two when my optimism turned against me and I felt abandoned and alone against the harsh oppression of “The Man.” Ok, I’m being a little dramatic with the oppression but not with the hopelessness. 8 years of Bush in office when everyone you congregate with can only agree on his ineptness is enough to make anyone think the world is conspiring against them. They finally get around to calling Pennsylvania for Obama, and 30 seconds of relief sink in then almost immediately out. How the hell do they know he’s going to win Pennsylvania if only 10 percent of the votes have been counted? I mean I guess these guys are smarter than me at this, but how can they know? I knew that the Lakers would get blown out in game 6 of the Finals, and I said it as confidently as I could to anyone who would listen. But I didn’t actually know that. I just used what I knew about basketball, determination, the human will and my own wishful thinking. I could have been wrong. Are these guys calling states based on the same criteria or do they have something more tangible?
8:00
I’ve arrived at my mom’s friend’s house and a whole bunch of people who feel secure of victory are already talking over the T.V. I’m less interested in their banter so I find a T.V. in another room where I can concentrate on my prayers. More polls are closings and more states will be called in a few seconds. There is truly nothing like the excitement of having a horse in this race.
McCain strikes first winning Kansas and their 6 precious electoral votes. Obama smacks McCain and the traitors in Kansas, who harbored the man’s family and didn’t vote for him, when he wins New York which electorally counts for roughly about 5 Kansas’s. Michigan and Minnesota, Wisconsin all fall consecutively and Obama is on a roll. MSNBC announces the first toss up as North Dakota goes to McCain. That coupled with Wyoming and McCain matches the 6 votes he just got from Kansas. At this rate he’ll just need 4 more elections to reach 270. They announce Arizona is too close to call yet, and a nice feeling comes over me. They’re still talking about Florida and North Carolina, and Virginia. I rarely to never have interest in these states but now I’m regretting all the time I’ve neglected them, and hoping they don’t take it too personally.

8:23
The talking heads are doing their commentary thing. Of course they’re Obama Partisan so I’m eating up everything their saying. They bring T.D. Jakes back on, who I can’t say I care too much for, concerning his opinion. But he has the floor so I’ll listen. He starts muttering all these things I don’t want to hear about how “It’s anybody’s game, we’ve underestimated McCain, It’s not going to be a landslide.” Etc. When he’s interrupted….
Sir, we have some news, we have some very important news. Ohio has gone…to Obama.
You were saying T.D. Jakes? My heart stops a little and I get a warm feeling that creases my torso. They flash the picture of a smiling Obama and a blue Ohio.

I know it’s not over but a dagger has been wielded and is ready to puncture. I’m glad Bush won Ohio now. And I never ever thought I would feel that way. And it’s weird and cool to think for a second that God works in mysterious ways. Shortly after they announce Louisiana goes to McCain and my head slumps…the shame of a nation. But I know where New Orleans heart lies so I go back to my premature celebration.

9:50
Obama 207 McCain 142
I’m thinking to myself if Obama wins California then he probably has to lose everything else. Unlikely, but I’m still not ready to celebrate. These commentators seem to be because they’re already talking about it as if things are over. They’ve moved on to talking about how difficult Obama’s presidency will be, and how McCain went wrong. Do they know something I don’t? I’ve been flipping back and forth between MSNBC and FOX, hoping that Hannity, Bill or Limbaugh will have the decency to show their face and take this like men, even though they’ll surely be full of excuses and talk about what a poor decision America made. I think about Barack and his family. I try to imagine what’s in his heart right now. They’ve been talking about all the leg work he did in states he knew he wouldn’t carry because he was already planning ahead to his presidency. They’re talking about how he did it all without promising anything to anyone except the voters and how he can go in to the Presidency as his own man. I think about all my own skepticism of America and how one hand is always scratching the other’s back. And I am amazed at the possibility of a man embodying everything I hoped would change, but more importantly with the likelihood of being given position to do it. Is it really possible that the richest people in the world don’t actually run the country. Can regular people like me have a place here? I wonder if he’s as nervous as I am, or maybe he has the same geniuses who predict elections working for him and they’re telling him it’s mathematically impossible for him to lose. I’m brimming with hope and the kind of wonderment you hear about in fairytales. And my eyes well up with tears….
“It’s 11 o’clock now, and we can announce, Barack Obama is projected to be the next president of the United states.”
They flash a screen of America littered in red and blue and on the left hand side are three states that were a second ago grey now turned blue with the number 284 beaming back at me from the upper left hand corner. There is a world party as cameras flash all over the country at people of all ethnicities screaming at the top of their lungs. Some are crying and overcome with joy that rarely happens. Young black people who have never had any interest in anything political are hugging and kissing each other. A church in Atlanta explodes in dance and song as speakers blare out, being drowned by the deafening crowds chant “Ooooooh baby, here I am. Signed, Sealed, Delivered. I’m yours!

I take a moment to embrace the sincerity on these people’s faces, people personally invested in a man who will never know them individually, people I will never meet but am connected to with the deepest of my emotions. I keep hearing these guys talking about how this victory isn’t about Black America; it’s about all of America. And maybe that’s true for white people. But it’s about black America. I don’t give a shit what they say, they’re not taking this victory from us. I have no doubt that white people will be better off while Barack is president. But black people in America will be better of from now on because of it.

11:00
I’m racing home because the lady we were watching election coverage by has kicked us out. I’m listening to the beginning of the acceptance speech on the radio but I want to see it. So I’m driving like a mad man. Only this guy in front of me is driving crazier. I think to myself, at least they’ll have to stop him before me, but then I decide to pass him because I have a black president now and that makes me immune to jail anyway. I pull up to the house and run to the door and the car I was racing with pulls in the driveway behind me and I realize it was my dad. As I open the door I hear Barack’s voice blaring from his speakers without even turning to see him come in. I only have two memories of watching an election of any kind. The primary when Jesse Jackson lost a bid to be the democratic nominee, and When Mondale was defeated by Reagan. I was sitting with my parents on both occasions. Both times we were on the wrong side of victory. Both times feeling that sense of hopelessness I talked about earlier. By the time Bush Jr. Was being put in office I think I was too dispassionate to even watch elections anymore. But 2008 had renewed, for this family, an interest and investment with our election process and OUR America. I run to the T.V. and in the next room I hear my dad popping the champagne bottle as I listen to Barack speak to the world. He tells us: “it’s been a long time coming, but I know, change gon come” But he dumbs it down and where there was soul and passion leaves only the passion because most white folks probably can’t identify a Sam Cooke lyric. He tells us about a woman who in her youth didn’t even have the imagination to consider a black president since it wasn’t obvious that she would ever get to vote, or for that matter share water fountains with white folks or live out the reign of the KKK. He tells those who didn’t vote for him that he’s “Their president too, like it or not.” He doesn’t say the like it or not because he’s not an antagonistic person. But the 52 million of us that voted for him hear it. He speaks of those of us who’ve been forced into cynicism and skepticism about or government, and how we can feel good about ourselves now, and I wonder for a second if he’s been reading my blog. He stands tall atop the mountain Martin tried to climb before being pulled back down and to all the world speaks to us with the authority of a president, the reverence of a man taking on a task larger than himself, and the confidence of a leader with BILLIONS of followers simultaneously chanting his name as if Obama is a Latin root that means “Yes we can.”

And my heart fills up because I didn’t even realize how much I had missed Obama. In the last few weeks of his campaign he had somewhat muted the so called rhetoric, to avoid scaring away some of American’s delicate sensibilities towards our tribally derived, call and response, chants of hope. The words that endeared me most to Obama were now being spoken to and through me to everyone. And I thought of all the people who felt so passionately for this man. And all the ideals I assumed, when I was young, that one should feel for the man we call president came pouring out in me and reflected on the face of Americans from the streets of San Francisco, to Grant Park down south to Atlanta back up to Harlem. And their approval was mirrored across the Atlantic to Africa, right through Europe to China and then back again to America. And though in my youth I would put myself in place of secret service agents and wonder what motivated a man to have a job that might mean dying for another man. And I never saw the face of a man I would die for in any of these men that might have needed protection. For that matter I couldn’t even say I understood the motivations of servicemen and women who defended a country at the mandate of men mandating for personal gain. But on this night I looked on through glassy eyes at the only man not related to me I would die for, because I would be doing it for MY country which I have never believed more strongly is a place worth dying for. And even though I cheer for America in the Olympics, and even though I have no desire to live abroad, and even though I would rather eat a steak than escargot, for the first time ever I was proud to be an American. As Barack finished his speech I stood in the living room with my parents and sister And we toasted each other like it was New Year’s Eve. A fresh start, a new day, a new country. It’s not the first time the world has changed before our eyes. We watched planes crash into buildings. We watched our city swamp and burn. But all of those events, all of those martyrs, all of those souls passing to heaven did not happen for nothing. They did not happen so rich men could get richer, gouging gas prices and selling us war helicopters. They died and we suffered through it so we can reach this day when all of mankind is better off because we have someone like us, who feels that Government is not here to exploit a people but to serve and protect a people. And on this day we can look into the eyes of a man who speaks from his heart the same sentiments we feel in ours. His heart and ours speaks “Yes we can!” And so even though as he stated we are not celebrating because we won an election, but merely the chance to put things right that we have let go astray. We have already won because somewhere there is a little boy who can toss aside a Vibe magazine and pick up a Newsweek to find his identity. We have already won because the world now remembers that integrity and service are the kind of things that make leaders, and those who strive to be leaders will strive for those qualities. Because the world is already a better place when Joe Biden’s white, blond haired, grand kids can stand on a stage and hold hands and hug Barack’s nappy haired black kids in front of the whole world and Martin Luther King can stop rolling in his grave waiting for it. We have already won because Barack Obama is president.

Michelle Obama/ Beau Biden 2020!!

recognize game fool!

2008-09-09T22:09:00.002-05:00

This is actually a comment I posted in my friend Michelle's blog. Since she never spares the confrontation on her front it usually necesitates thought provoking, REAL, responses. But since she liked it so much I decided to post it here for everyone else.

Let me get real here. Since the beginning of time, women have been playing a game that's rigged against them and wondering why they can't win. It's kind of humorous but kind of sad too. Humorous and sad because it's written so clearly for the world to see but women keep looking past it. Now I don't want to offend anyone but let's just look at the world from an objective perspective. What is the first story that happens in the bible? Adam and Eve. The first thing any Christian learns is that it's all the woman's fault. Look at the fairytales little girls are told when they are young. They all end with a girl's dreams coming true with submission to a man. Look at other cultures outside of the U.S. Women aren't even allowed to think about being anything but submissive. ALL women, of every culture are constantly being conditioned to believe in the very things that will hold them back in relationships. You all are taught to idealize and fantasize impractical things that contribute to your dependency on a man. The men you are conditioned to want are the same types that have been pulling the strings since the beginning. Men with status, men with money...basically men who make the rules. These men are just as likely to allow women to uncondition themselves to these detrimental ideals as White America is to give Black America the know how to empower themselves. So to answer your questions you have to change the game. If you keep playing the game the way it is you will always lose. Counting on chance or luck to end up with the right man is just fool's gold. The game is set up so that a man can win and reach his goals utilizing a large pool of women, contrary to the woman who can only reach her goals with one man (and quite frequently, this man is the objective of the majority of women) Do you see the glaring contradiction? 1 man has 100 options, while 100 women have to share one option. You can continue to work with the odds you are given and you will only make yourself crazy, or you have to adapt. Now This is obviously no easy task. How does one change a mindset they've had all their life? fortunately I'm not faced with that parcular dilemma so I can't say I have a proven method...just more theory. But I can say that for some of the social norms I've been conditioned in that I broke away from, it starts with realizing who it is making the rules to the game you're playing, and figuring out what it is they don't want you to know. I can't tell a woman how to forget that she's always idealized her wedding day, or to forget her whole value as a human is based on her desire (desirability) to reproduce. But I can say that as long as a woman's self esteem is based in male concepts of desirability, women will be at man's whim.

As a footnote this picture was ironically taken at a wedding for a woman who's dreams did come true so to speak. Although, it wasn't the wedding she always dreamed of thanks to Gustav, as you can see it turned out to be a lovely ocassion. Congrats Jam!

Ooof

2008-09-08T05:40:00.000-05:00

Contrary to popular belief This does not please me...even though it makes things easier since I never draft Tom Brady on any of my fantasy teams. But it does validate the theory that God don't like ugly. Way to run up the score last year New England Patriots. time for a lil something God likes to call "retribution."

Who dat say dey gon' beat Barack

2008-09-03T05:00:00.001-05:00

I must admit I have election fever. This is an exciting time for me as we work our way down the wire just two months from Super Tuesday. This is totally new ground for me, all this election buzz and the attention I give to it. I’m still a cynic mind you. I still believe it’s mostly a bunch of bullshit. I still believe America will be invested in having an underclass. But I do believe that Barack is as good as they (politicians) come. Barack being elected president I think would only be rivaled by the Saints winning the Super Bowl. They are in fact akin to one another. This is the first time ever that my team has a legitimate chance to win. Much like with my love for the Saints, which have caused me to spend many a disinterested year ignoring football, My love for Barack is the first time I get to cheer for an underdog turned favorite. Of course like the Saints winning a couple of divisions, a playoff game here or there we’ve had some black mayors in New Orleans. A black governor or two sprinkled in History. But never have we stood at the top of the mountain. All the years I watched someone else’s team win superbowls, or for that matter didn’t watch like when the Steelers won in 05-06, for the most part left me disinterested. But if the Saints were to make it to the Superbowl, in that 60 minutes I’m sure I’ll be bartering limbs and appendages to the devil himself in exchange for first downs or defensive stops. When Clinton was in office it was kind of like the Colts finally winning. Certainly better than what had been reigning supreme the previous years, but still not quite close to home. Barack winning would be the first time I ever felt like I could identify patriotically outside of the Olympics. A feeling I’ve never had before, a feeling kind of like the Saints winning the Superbowl. That being said if Barrack lost I might have to renounce my citizenship. I don’t deal with racist white folks. I usually let them do their thing and I do mine. But this is different. Even the most ass ignorant motherfucker should be able to get over their hatred of black people to not want their country to suck so bad. Some people just have the most misguided of convictions though. They would rather us go down fighting with a white man at the helm than to make a better world and have a black man get the credit. I mean it’s remarkable how outclassed John McCain is by Obama. McCain has no clue. Sarah Palin might be the single most irresponsible decision a candidate for public office has ever made. And Sarah Palin should be ashamed of her own lack of integrity. I would never want someone so selfish making decisions for me. Now I’m not about to be anyone’s judge as far as her family situation is concerned. If her 17 year old is pregnant so be it. I am smart enough to know that has little effect on her ability to govern. It’s probably easier running a country than keeping a 17 year old’s legs shut. But I’m also smart enough to know that the rest of the world chooses to live in denial and take the holier than thou approach to things like that. I’m not agreeing with the masses, but if you know how the masses are going to react you should know better than to put yourself, your family, and for that matter your political party at stake, for the sake of making history in such a fashion you reduce the likelihood of that history ever repeating itself. If she had credentials, if she had experience, if she had know-how it would still be bad business to get her involved just to shake things up. But it just speaks to the general unpreparedness and total lack of understanding the Bush administration and its sequel has. It’s like if your star witness in a murder trial is blind in one eye and deaf both in ears, and you put them on the stand without even prepping them for court. And McCain wants to say she’s ready to be president (which sounds like a concession by him he might keel over at any minute.) This isn’t to say Obama’s selection of Biden doesn’t have a hint of shrewdness to it. But it’s not like Biden is a bad choice as Vice President. There’s no reason that this woman, who thinks it’s more important to have at risk pregnancies in her 40’s than to use birth control, or at least good judgement, can lead a country, especially leading one OUT of trouble. I truly can’t wait for the debates. It will be like if the Patriots and the Saints played and the Pats hadn’t practiced in weeks. Obama and Biden will pick them apart and I will enjoy every minute of the blowout, even when the third stringers get in the game and score a meaningless touchdown because the holes the line creates are too big not to run through. Obama wielding his words like a weapon and slicing through what’s left of McCain’s old ass

is just the set up I need to get me primed for a January where I watch an inauguration and a Superbowl I feel like I have a piece of.

Top ten reasons I want to Marry Michelle Obama

2008-08-15T16:00:00.001-05:00

1. I want someone who believes in me the way she believes in her husband

2. We obviously have a lot in common since I believe in Barack almost as much as her.

3. I want my wife to still look good after 40

4. She sounds like she's the most articulate woman in the world.

5. I wouldn't have to worry about my daughter being a stripper.

6. I'd get to hang with Barack when he came to visit the girls.

7. I don't really need that many reasons. It's still 6 more than I can think of for marrying anyone else.

Top 10 Fictional White People I wouldn't Mind Being if I had to be a Fictional White Person

2008-08-03T01:33:00.004-05:00

I was listening to my IPOD today while cutting grass and a song from one of my favorite 80’s movies came to mind. So since most of the white characters in movies I like are based in 80’s movies I came up with this list. It was initially intended to be a 10 man list but apparently there are more fictional white men I would like to be than I thought. Since I’m not a mean person there were a lot of characters who didn’t make this list because they weren’t very nice people. That being said…
Honorable mention
ValmontHe couldn’t crack the top 20 because all of his intentions were pretty sinister. He proved in the end not to be such a terrible guy. He was just weak. But how can you not admire his body of work? And a good amount of time these women were aware of each other.
Han Solo/Indiana Jones I actually don’t want to be them because I never saw either of these characters get a break from fighting evil or whatever they were fighting. But I can only assume they lived pretty good lives in between all the fighting because of how cool they are.
Jim Halpert-The Office/Peter Petrelli- Heroes. I have a crush on Jim’s relationship with Pam. Jim is obviously the coolest person on television and he gets to spend significant time with Dwight Schrute. I don’t think I’ll ever end up in an office but if I do I will be the Jim Halpert of that office. And Peter Petrelli could have cracked the list if Heroes hadn’t started sucking so bad in the second season. Ultimately both of these characters are too young in my mind to overtake any of the other guys. I’ve only been watching the Office for a year and Heroes for two, and one of those Heroes years I couldn’t even like Peter because he wasn’t doing any of the great stuff that makes him who he is.
20. Neo-Matrix
He was a pretty cool dude as far as what he could do and his cause was a decent one but he never really got any time for himself with his skill set after he took that pill. It’s kind of a waste of all those great powers if the only time you have them you’re either running from or fighting with Smiths.
19. Superman in Superman 3
I couldn’t take Superman from any of the other Superman’s because ultimately Zod and Lex Luther are much better characters. But in 3 he got to be evil Superman for a little bit, which he didn’t really do anything too terribly bad, but he did bang that chick who was the villain’s girl. So He at least got a break from being all goody two shoes plus he had lana and Lois Lane fighting over him when he was good superman and he got to hang with Richard Pryor circa “Brewster’s Millions.”
18. Chris (George Clooney) Solaris
Maybe I just have a non-sexual attraction to George Clooney because about half of the stuff in this movie he was either pining over his dead wife, or trying to kill her again. But He had some ok moments in his flashbacks and ultimately he gets to live out the life he wanted which I could definitely live that life and be pretty ok with it. I think I may have over ranked this because I might rather be Evil Superman for half a movie than depressed Chris Kelvin for half.
17. Christian Bale as Batman
Another tough decision. Especially since in the latest installment he shared time with the Joker, who was obviously the dominant screen presence of any villain so far this millennium. Ultimately I prefer Christian Bales Batman to the others because he’s darker therefore cooler, even though that darker seems to be because he’s deeper entrenched in his tragic flaws and quest to bring Justice to Gotham. But it’s hard passing up the chance to be Batman so I’ll go with the one with the black man making his toys for him.
16. Harris Telemacher (Steve Martin) L.A. Story
He lives the most interesting life of someone who’s constantly bored and in that way I can identify well with him. He has cool friends and then friends he doesn’t like at all but gets to make fun of in great ways. Then he gets to bone a young Sarah Jessica Parker who is pretty much everything I want in a woman even now, in her portrayal of SAnDeE. I’m not sure if I would rather Be Harris when I get older or if I’d just rather have a friend just like him.
15. William Wallace-Braveheart
The fact that he is ranked higher than some of my favorite characters who got to live is a tribute to how strong a character he is. His life wasn’t fun most of the time but he did get to match up against the greatest villain ever and his efforts proved to be victorious which is all any hero can ask for. If you’re going to die in a movie then it better be the beautiful one that the people on this list who die have in common. And then in his death he ends up getting the girl which was all he ever cared about anyway. Inspire your country, vanquish your enemy and bone his daughter in law first, then meet up with your wife in the afterlife which you were ready to get to the whole time since her death. Not a bad way to go.
14. Tyler Durden
Oh to have the super power of the loss of inhibition. I try to be my own Tyler Durden most of the time and do a reasonably good job at it, but it’s all mimicry of the original. I probably would have been Tyler but stayed in the Condo with all the Ikea furniture instead of living on Paper St. And I guess ultimately I don’t really feel like getting in fist fights every night. But I guess my Tyler Durden would have adapted to whatever Gian’s version of a loss of inhibition would amount to.
13. Johnny Dangerously
He was mostly a spoof character but that worked because he got to be super cool and super funny. Along with Airplane this is the only spoof movie I can still watch and not get tired of. Besides it would be hard not to have a list of white guys I would want to be and leave off Michael Keaton who’s been some of my favorite Batmen and a host of other white guys I thought were pretty cool.
12. Zach Morris
If Zach wasn’t so misguided he would have been ranked in the top 5. Why he wasted all that time pining over Kelly Kapowski when he should have been trying to get with Lisa or Jesse I’ll never understand. I guess his boys were already messing with them so maybe it was some sense of loyalty but he probably should have been trying to Holla at Lisa since like 6th grade anyway. Then he had that other chick who worked at the resort or whatever and she was pretty hot. But Zach was one of the most easily Identifiable people of my generation since he was not too much older than me. He lived a life with little parent intrusion and did nothing but hang out and give Belding trouble.
11. Hutch-Starsky and Hutch
I still want to be most of the characters Owen Wilson plays but this is my favorite. At some point in the movie he’s in between two girls and they all want to just get it on and he tells them “we shouldn’t even judge this.” How poignant and precise to facilitate that three way action. He’s so easy going with that dry wit in all of his movies, but I think this is the one that put it over the top for me.
10. Eugene Morris Jerome-Brighton Beach Memoirs/Biloxi Blues
This is cool because I get to be two different guys version of the same character, both of which I loved the portrayal although I lean more towards Jonathan Silverman’s over Matthew Broderick’s. Satire is my favorite form of comedy and Eugene along with his mother were great cynics. Plus characters that get to talk directly to the screen always have an advantage with me.
9. Mike McD-Rounders
His superpower is playing poker. He had a great score to his movie and inspired a generation of young poker players into deviant, addictive life styles. Matt Damon will never have a cooler role even though Jason Bourne does some okay stuff he’ll never crack a top ten for James Bond types, And Will Hunting is as good a brooding loner as you can find but nobody really wants to live his life even though it would be pretty cool to be friends with him. But Mike McD has mood and style on his side in this well directed film, and he gets to be opposite Malkovich who overwhelms the movie in his 15 minutes of screentime as Teddy KGB.
8. Paul Muad’dib-Kyle Maclachlan-Dune
He is the Kwisatz Haderach, which for those of you unfamiliar basically means he’s God on earth. His only drawback as I can see is he takes himself so seriously. But I guess the same can be said of me a lot of times so I dig that. Everyone in this movie says all kinds of cool shit constantly. And so he’s surrounded by people with these profound statements and he has his own great ones. “There is a Harkonnen among you…give this Harkonnen a blade.” Then in the end he ends up with Sean Young and Vriginia Madsen who along with Pheobe Cates are probably my three favorite white girls of my youth. And his explanation to Chani (young) for why he has to bone Irulan (Madsen) is that he has to keep the royal blood lines going, but even though he has to hit that for the sake of the universe he loves her…and she buys into it!
7. Ferris Beuller
I know a lot of people watching this are wondering how Ferris is ranked so low. Well the thing is Ferris, although he seems like a pretty cool guy and is dating Mia Sara, only had one really good day. What a day to have but I feel like most of the time he’s probably a pretty regular kid to the rest of the school and they were just now noticing him when they thought he was dying. I guess beyond this point he will probably ascend to greater popularity but maybe if they had had a series about him instead of Parker Lewis who wore crappy 90’ shirts and wasn’t nearly as cool, I might have had him a little higher. I never really found myself wanting to be Ferris, just wanting to do the things he did. But I could do them as myself. He still makes it to 7 which is pretty good and marks a double for Matthew Broderick which only two other people on this list can claim.
6. Jack Foley (Clooney) Out of Sight
Another character strong enough to overcome his situation but because of it was held back slightly. He has what’s clearly the best love scene ever with J-lo when she was as fine as she ever was. And gets to hang out with Glen Michaels on occasion. His score and mood are pretty good walking music for a character I want to be, but maybe I really want to be Steven Soderbergh's brain. Jack Foley, had he left with Buddy and let Isaiah Washington let the monster out, would have been just fine with me but he went back and ultimately lands back in jail where he’s spent half his life although he gets teamed up with the right guy for that situation when it’s all said and done. If I could just take the Chris Kelvin from the bar scene in Solaris and the Foley from the night with J-Lo (since they’re the same character anyway) Then The Chris Kelvin at the end of Soalris who spends the rest of his life on the beach in Contact with his wife, and just give them a whole movie to work with, that would quickly vault him to 2nd on this list.
5. John Cusak- One Crazy Summer/Better off Dead
These are exactly the same character and the movies were only a year apart so It’s fair to combine them. Plus I really want John Cusak to crack my top 5 twice because his 80’s movies were my favorite under the radar 80’s movies. It was all about Cusak too. I could throw in his character from Stand By Me which was only on screen for 5 minutes who I got the impression was a pretty cool Cusak too. But the guy in Better Off Dead probably had my second favorite soundtrack from an 80’s movie combined with my favorite hybrid character. He got significant time with screen talking, and was thrown unwittingly into some pretty fun amazing circumstances while servicing that cute French chick, and cute blonde chick in Better off Dead, along with Demi Moore in One Cray Summer. I really want him to be higher but it’s hard to argue with the next 4 guys.
4. Trent (Vince Vaughn) from Swingers
I found Trent at just the right time to find him. Still in my teens but nearing adulthood, and still needing someone to bridge the two for me. Trent has such a great cast around him working in his favor, and if there’s any way I would ever want to recreate myself it would be the guy who doesn’t really care as long as his boy is good. His understanding of the game and control of tempo and situation are is some next level stuff that I’ve actually applied in real life. He commands the screen constantly but without overbearing it. He’s elusive to me as a writer because although I would love to write a character like Trent I’m afraid to spoil the image I have of him in my mind.
3. Donnie Darko
And this one is sentimental. I mean he’s my favorite character from my favorite movie, how can I not have him top 3. I want to be in that movie, cause it has so much depth to me, I want to be Donnies’s friend to help him on his journey, I want to be Donnie and have his soundtrack. He separates himself from Wallace because Wallace’s sacrifice helps his countrymen but by the time he dies everyone he loves besides Amish and Steven are already dead. Donnie actually gets to save his mother, sister and Gretchen and connect with them fantastically so while doing it. He’s the youngest character with the most maturity out of all I would want to be.
2. Obi Wan Kenobi
I guess I’m mostly thinking about the Ewan McGreggor version even though the last three Star Wars were the weakest. Among Jedis to be there’s him, Yoda which involves being an 800 year old green man, and Vader/Anakin. Obviously being a Jedi is the best thing in the world to be, so If you get to choose amongst the three greatest Jedi of all time he’s a pretty good choice. Anakin kind of blew it because he was so misguided. You’re boning Natalie Portman and your bitching because Yoda doesn’t want to make you president of the Jedi when you 20? Get over it pussy. Obi Wan was the only one who really had his head on straight through all the movies. And he had a little dry humor in him too. Plus he got to go from a cool younger guy to like a cool older dad type who was looking out for young Luke’s sissy ass. If Obi wan had spent more time trying to score instead of save the galaxy he might have been number 1.
1.Chris Knight (Val Kilmer)-Real Genius
The 80’s song I was listening to was from this movie which had the best soundtrack of any 80’s movie ever. Chris Knight is never on anyone’s radar and the great thing about him is he wouldn’t care anyway. He is very content to live whatever life comes to him and make the best out of it in that space. He too just like Trent is concerned above all with his boy having a good time. He’s as Brilliant as Will Hunting without the physical and alcohol abuse in his past. He’s Zach Morris if you took him away from Bayside and gave him more moxy. He’s got humor and control, and he does what he wants when he wants. He’s like the king of the Nerds and even though he should be king of the cool kids it’s obvious he knows the cool kids are all fakers and t least the nerds have the courage to follow their passions instead of trying to be like everyone else. He’s Tyler Durden without all the mischief, but just enough mischief to keep it interesting. Chris Knight can be anything he wants to be and will bring anyone under his wing who needs to be there. With the exception of Cusak, and Knight I would probably rather be me with most of these people’s powers or situations. But When I saw Real Genius for the first time I felt like Mr Glass in Unbreakable when he finally knew his purpose.

30

2008-05-23T21:25:00.001-05:00

I've been preparing for thirty, by calling myself that since I was about 27 and a half. So the adjustment period has been smooth. The only major difference so far is that I have finished my first draft for my first book!! I had intended on being finished with it about 5 days ago. The goal was to have it done before I turned 30 but better this is just fine by me. Of course it's just a first draft. I still have some touchups and revisions but it's all downhill from here. I can finally start calling myself a writer, and it was 30 years in the making.

Challenging tradition

2008-05-09T14:56:00.004-05:00

It's summertime and for New Orleans this marks the return of something special and dear to us all...

The Snowball

A frozen New Orleans treat to reward us for being in the deep south. But yesterday I came to a revelation. My love for the snowball will never be the same again because of...

The Sonic Lemon Berry Slush. Now on the surface these two seem like the same thing; flavored, shaved ice. But after yesterday, I realized just how superior the Slush is for me.

1. Snowballs are shaved ice with syrup. This often means they are very sweet. While I do like sweet, I can only handle so much of it. My personal preference is tart or sour. So more often than not I get a half sour apple/ half pink lemonade snowball, or an AKA. But even the Sour Apple fails to live up to it's name at some stands so there's no telling if you're not just going to get something really sweet. On the other hand the Lemon-Berry Slush is made with real fruit and fruit juices and includes a whole lemon, gauranteeing you a sour undertone to your frozen drink. I know this particular attribute doesn't suit everyone. But for me I will take the sour over the sweet any day.

2. Snowballs are not cost effective. At Sonic I can get a Route 44 Slush which is 44 ounces of tasty, sour, frozen beverage for the low price of 2.09. For 44 ounces of snowball it would be about twice that price. Although the 20 ounce slush is only 50 cents less than the route 44, at 1.49 it would still be less than a 20 ounce snowball which costs about 2 dollars at most snowball stands.

3. Slushes are year round. Snowballs are seasonal, and although, due to our warm climate, the snowball season is pretty long around here, there are still some warm December days where I need shaved ice, beverages at my disposal.

4. Apparently, snowball stands don't open until 2 in the afternoon on Sundays. And this may be true of everyday, I'm not sure. Last Sunday I went to two different snowball stands and they were both closed, the latter of which I arrived at close to 2 pm and people were beginning to line up waiting for it to open. I could only assume the rest of the world knew that it didn't open til 2. Well SLushes are available when Sonic opens at 9am til it closes at 11 pm. The sun don't start shining at 2 pm. Advantage Slush.

The only advantage left the Snowball has is its' tradition and class. Snowballs have a mystique that Slushes don't. I could very well invite a woman to get snowballs with me and label that a date, which I'm afraid I can't say about Slushes. But that's all it really has in its' favor is public perception. I'm a fan of traditional values, so I will continue to support the Snowball from time to time, always searching for that elusive extra sour, green apple. But my heart truly is not there anymore like a Republican turned Obamacrat.

In other news I want to make a plea to Byron Scott, George Shinn, or someone with a sniper rifle: please help rid the Hornets of Bonzi Wells. I'm not sure what's going on in Byron Scott's head, but for whatever reason he is still giving Bonzi extensive minutes in the playoffs. Maybe he truly believes that we can't win the Championship without him and he's waiting for him to wake up. But he is killing me. Bonzi is in a contract year so I can only assume he just doesn't care about the game of basketball anymore. He really hasn't done anything since he absolutely slaughtered Kobe that one series like 5 years ago. But he's doing so much less now it's not even funny. He utterly refuses to play defense. Every one of Finley's three pointers last night was because of a late rotation by Bonzi. He's not the scoring threat he needs to be to make up for his lack of defensive awareness. He's just sucking up minutes that Julian Wright could be using to gain playoff experience or Mike James could be contributing to. Maybe the Hornets aren't ready to win a championship yet. They were not completely dead last night when they gave up hope in the game. There's a big difference between the way they played in the last 5 minutes of the game and the way the Chicago Bulls, or for that matter, the San Antonio Spurs of the last few years would play. Perhaps they're not hungry enough and they need to see what a grind it is to have to start over from scratch to try to win a championship so they can see that they shouldn't be wasting a single opportunity while it's right here in front of them. But that don't take Bonzi off the hook. He's terrible and I wish he would just be granted the leave of absence he so desparately desires.

The Main Event

2008-04-28T02:55:00.001-05:00

The month of May is a very important one. Not just because it’s the birth month of yours truly, but it also marks the anniversary of a very important occasion to us all. So in the spirit of the 8th anniversary of this momentous occurrence I have taken the liberty of preparing something special. May 30th 2000 two young Emcees battlerapped their way into superstardom. And now thanks to Youtube and the internet highway you can see this battlerap at your leisure. So to mark the 8th anniversary of this event I will dissect for you the battle raps and declare a true winner for once and for all. Now it is important to understand the nature of a battlerap is such that you are directly in battle with a single opponent. But to be given the free reign to just talk bad about your opponent would make it a ribbing contest instead of a rap contest. With that in mind a subject is introduced and both parties must tailor their rap to fit the assigned subject. For the sake of M.C. Gimp vs J-Bo the subject was hamburger. Following is the complete breakdown of the opposing raps.

The Challenger: M.C. Gimp. And he’s only the challenger because he challenged J-Bo to a rap for battle supremacy cause that nigga J-Bo think he can freestyle. Don’t get it twisted. J-Bo was never a champ.

Phone check, fat neck (a nickname of J-Bo in his heavier days 1 pt) answer and you’ll get wrecked
Step further, Hamburger, I’ll be your fucking crew server (as in to serve his bitch ass up, and a crew server like those who work at fast food establishments. Lovely double entendre, and adhering to subject. 2 pts)Fake ass nigga think he the king, Bitch step into my burger ring (reference to Burger King, a hamburger establishment. 1pt)
I’ll eat you like a burger fiend, Chalk you like you KFC (as anyone with a hamburger preference would do to a chicken eatery 1 pt) if my preference Mickey D’s
Meat and ketchup only please, when you dressed for Teedy Bees ( a reference to our mutual friend, and dj, Terrence whose nickname is Teedy Bees. He only ate his hamburgers dressed with Ketchup and pickles at the time, as you can see from the video he appreciated the reference. 1 pt)And he don’t want no mayonnaise G, so keep your wiener in your jeans and I’ll keep my whopper BVD’d (triple combination powerpunch here. M.C. Gimp relates mayonnaise to a man’s semen and uses the phallic symbol of a wiener to represent Jared’s man meat which is obviously not a hamburger, but a processed facsimile of real meat. Which in this case would be a whopper since that is…A. Bigger than a regular wiener, B. A hamburger which again is the subject and C. Gimp letting him know not to write a check his ass can’t cash by getting in a big dick contest with the wrong nigga. 3 pts + bonus point for triple combo=4pts)
For you shoot your load to quick and leave Shaneika feeling slick and get yo slack took by my nigga B Rick, big ups to my nigga quick and big chalk to this big mac bitch, yo mac attack aint doing shit (WOW!!!! So much depth here, where do I begin? 1 point each for every friend reference in here. That would be SHaneika, B-Rick-Brenton, Quick-Nick and Jared-Mac: his mac attack, i.e. he being named McKendall would necessarily have a Mac attack, which again does what? Serves as a double entendre for our subject of hamburger 5pt combo. 2 bonus points for simultaneously drawing B-Rick into the line of fire who was the resident expert and only previously skilled battle rapper. Not too distantly past from this time Brenton had a crush on Jared’s girlfriend Shaneika who obviously did not requite his love. The mere mention of B-Rick’s love for Jared’s girlfriend is intentional comedy and therefore serves to attack 2 parties at once. 7 pt lyric so we might as well just round up to 10!)
Step to me? Want me to serve ya? I’m open 24 hours like Whataburger! (1 pt)
Stepped up talking that shit first to me? Bitch I graduated from Bovine University! (This Simpsons reference might have slipped past you. There was an episode when Lisa gave up meat. And the meat council came to Springfield elementary to encourage kids to eat meat. They suggested that Cows going to Bovine university would go on to a better stage of life, when it was in fact a meat factory. At the end of the instructional video hosted by Troy McClure, Ralph Wiggum stands and attests proudly to the class “When I grow up I want to go to Bovine University” This is funny because not only does he not understand it’s a meat market, even if he did think it was a university for cows to get higher education why would he want so proudly to go there? Any Ralph Wiggum incorporation, due to the sheer brilliance of his character on the Simpsons is an automatic 3 pointer. So to connect Bovine university a meat market with this battle rap is even more genius than Wiggum himself. He’s telling you in the vain of hamburger that you don’t want to step to him because he went to college for battle rapping about hamburgers!! How does he come up with this? 5 points)Earned the degree Royale with cheese (1pt for Pulp Fiction reference) and all you got was a PHD…Penis sucking homo disease (2 point for the running education sub reference and 3 points for the strong finish because Jared wets a lot of cock with his mouth. 6 pts)Total= 32

The Challenged: J-Bo
5 point automatic deduction for asking for a different beat. 5 point deduction for rewriting his rhymes after M.C. Gimp had already delivered his rhymes. M.C. Gimp delivered his rhymes on point, in a timely fashion to the beat assigned. If he don’t get to choose his beat or rewrite his rhymes after he hears J-Bo’s then why should fat neck get to? -10 before he even starts that whack shit.
Gian give me felatio, in the circle…you’s a ho, boy you have no flow, my shit you will eat. Like Stevie fucking wonder knocks you off yo feet. (what???) Oh wait, shit, what’s wrong? Oh I just started this song. Then again I’m feeling hungry (J-Bo is still yet to land a scoring blow, nor has he made any mentioned of the assigned topic of hamburger. He’s like a boxer who just dances around the ring for a whole round hoping not to lose any points with his whack ass rhyme.)
Then again I’m feeling hungry blah blah blah some indiscernible words, and yo I’m feeling like a burger, make mine a double please (finally the topic at hand) and yo…………….on mine……………….I need some extra cheese, for all you bitch ass niggas…………….drop to your knees (1 pt and a loud yawn) Oh wait, oh wait…. back to this here. Um let’s get started…fuck this nigga, fuck this nigga, fuck this nigga, fuck this nigga. (the repetition works for me and J-Bo scores another point. But wait….is that M.C. Gimp taunting J-Bo with his own whack ass rhyme? 1 more pt for M.C. Gimp)Barbecue sauce, like the love at Otto’s, Man Gian Ride out, Bitch you’s a ho (nice reference to the BBQ restaurant we had eaten at earlier that day mixed in with a mediocre chalk of M.C. Gimp 2 pts)
Now that I done said that, back to the burger, I mentioned sauce and cheese, now it’s going further. Meat and Keiser bun, my meat not well done, I like a little pink, like twat it’s so sweet(none of this is chalking M.C. Gimp, just randomly trying to fulfill the requirements of the hamburger topic. 1 pt for mentioning twat and pink hamburger meat and 2 point deduction for wasting time because the reference has no place in this particular battle rap) The burger needs a pickle, Oh yeah Gimp, suck mine! (his most clever line so far. Well give him 2 pts) Cause I’ma rhyme, and rhyme, and rhyme all night. Oh yeah, burger sounds kinda tight, getting fries on the side, Yo that shit would be tight…now…yo that’s it for my meal, it’s time…to bring….the motherfucking real! ( ¾ of the way through the song and you just deciding now to bring the real? Bad business.)
Ol’ holey leg nigga, my caps you must peel. in through the front, out through the back. Bitch all your hoes come from the sugar shack. (finally a decent combo from Jared. This was about 4 weeks after M.C. Gimp got shot so the reference to the hole in his leg is a nice touch in combination with the Sugar Shack which was the strip club at the time known for having the second rate strippers as opposed to the preferred Roxbury. Nice 3 pt combo but it might be too late in the fight to start making connecting punches.)
Roxbury nigga, that’s where I’m from. Lil boy out the door, cause with you I’m done, nigga…..This aint Fantasia and that ho, motherfucker, Michael Franks can’t save ya (From the crowd’s reaction this appeared to be J-Bo’s best combination but it was actually just a really big swing that never connects. First of all Fantasia is a Disney cartoon or a singer from American Idol which did not exist at the time. In no way does this have anything to do with Michael Franks, or for that matter Hamburgers. A Michael Franks reference used against Gimp because of his appreciation for the man’s music was always something the group would tease him about although he wore his man love for MF as a badge of pride. So the attempt is worthy of a 2 point blow but not the 7 or 8 point blow the crowd noise might seem to indicate. )
Cause lil bit…I’m yo maker. (1 pt) I’ll hop off this bike and kick you like the undertaker. Cause you as a man is motherfucking absurd, so beyatch make like a nerd, and study this DICK! (3 pts for a strong finish. “Make like a nerd and study this dick” was a running gag for the Houston trip and therefore appropriately applicable. )-12pts + 14 pts=2 pts
M.C. Gimp bonus point = 33

So the final tally is M.C. Gimp wins 33 to 2 and is therefore honored as supreme to J-Bo for battlerap supremacy!!! And here he is 8 years later, celebrating the vanquishing of his foe the same as Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York. I’d like to thank the fans who supported me from day one….No autographs please!

Where Deshaun Stevenson opening his big mouth happens

2008-04-19T01:32:00.000-05:00

And then a picture of Lebron swinging from the rim with his nuts there. I must say it’s been a while since I’ve been so excited about the NBA playoffs. In spite of my loyalty for the Suns the past few years I’ve had little else to cheer for and always the draining notion that I would be seeing 22 games worth of Spurs basketball. But this year looks to be something special.

The first round series I’m most excited about is the Wizards/Cavs. Deshaun Stevenson is young but you wouldn’t think he’d be stupid enough to say Lebron is overrated considering that they’re about the same age and Lebron will be bustin his ass for another 12 years if Deshaun can hang around that long. Imagine if some mediocre shooting gaurd said what he said about Michael Jordan when he was in his 5th and most explosive year in the NBA. And then imagine that the rest of the mediocre shooting guard’s mediocre basketball team said they wanted to play Michael Jordan and the Bulls. What do you think Jordan would do to them? 40 a game? 50? Is there a cap to the punishment he would dispense? The thing is I’m picking against Lebron here. Not that I agree he’s overrated, or that he won’t absolutely light Deshaun Stevenson’s ass up from now on. But I can cosign with a team that has lost in the playoffs in consecutive years calling out the team that’s beaten them. And the Wizards are a better team even though they are mediocre, cause the Cavs are one Lebron away from being the worst team in basketball over the last 4 years. I’m imagining 42, 11, and 8.5 out of Lebron over the 6 game series, but it won’t be enough.

As far as the rest of the East I don’t think I’ll be too interested until the conference finals. If Lebron can make it past the Wizards by himself I think he’s good enough to will 2 big performances against the Celtics and that should be worth watching but other than that there won’t be much in a pretty boring East until the 7 game series for eventual NBA champ Boston and Detroit.
The West however has 3 great first round matchups. The most gratifying will be when the Suns beat the Spurs in the first round. Not just because I love the Suns, but more so because I hate the Spurs and the less Spurs playoff basketball the better. The only thing better than seeing them lose in the first round, would be seeing them in the lottery.

I don’t think the Nuggets will be able to beat the Lakers even though I don’t think the Lakers are as good as people think they are. But I will enjoy watching them try. A.I has been consistently in my top 3 for a decade now, and I like Carmelo. I finally figured out how to sum up Kobe’s legacy in relation to Jordan. Imagine you took all the basketball skills and athleticism from the bar Jordan has set. Added 2 inches to and 15 pounds of muscle. Then add all the learned basketball knowledge from watching and studying the Jordan game and from conception groom this man for basketball. What you have should be superior to Jordan, correct? Well, now imagine instead of having him get beat up on in basketball by an older brother, this guy is always the first pick at lunch. Imagine if instead of sticking him in a middle class home in North Carolina he grows up in Italy as the son of a former NBA player. Imagine if instead of getting cut from his high school team he has high schools recruiting him from the time he’s a 6th grader. Imagine if instead of being saddled with a sub par team for the first 5 years of his NBA career and getting beaten down by one of the most physical, championship teams in history he gets placed on a Lakers team with Shaquille Oneal and before he even knows what struggle is wins 3 championships. And that is why Kobe will never be Jordan. So…yeah, Lakers in 5.
Then my beloved Hornets. It would have been nice to see them get that first seed because then we would get a much better matchup against the Nuggets who are the kind of team that the Hornets would need to play early to get acclimated to the playoffs, and then meet up with a Jazz team that would be less difficult in the second round then the Suns or Spurs. The mavs, who I’ve never liked are not that great but they have experience and I think the Hornets lack of will be a problem for them this year, although it will serve them better in the future. I do believe in Chris Paul but he is not yet the best player ever under 6 feet as some would like to claim. He has to prove he can rise to the next level in the playoffs which was Isaiah’s specialty. I’m not saying that he can’t or won’t do it. I’m just saying it might take longer than some expected. But I’m still taking the Hornets in this round because I still don’t believe in, and am not afraid, nor ever will be, of Dirk.

But whatever happens it should provide for good basketball.

Dear Andrew

2008-04-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

Andrew,
I’m hoping that not only do you read and understand this letter. I’m hoping that you save it and look to it from time to time as a reminder. Let me start by telling you this letter is not an assertion of authority, but an expression of respect. I’ve had several conversations with Coach Landrum, and a couple with Coach Higgins and it’s safe to say we all agree that this sports program can be special. With our freshman class of athletes Lusher can be held in the same regard as the Catholic schools sports programs. I personally believe with our talent there’s no reason why we can’t compete deep into playoff competition in football and win State in basketball someday.
But I believe the key is you, Andrew!
The major drawback to Lusher is that most of our athletic talent is cluttered in a young class. There aren’t enough models in the upper classes that you all can look to. There’s not enough talent to push you. A lot of you have great potential. But you don’t even know how good you can be. You all don’t even know how good you want to be. So it’s up to those of you who can do it to push each other.
Now I won’t sugarcoat it for you; being a leader is not a choice and sometimes it is a burden. But it’s also a gift. Whether you like it or not, your peers around you will, and do, look to you for guidance, for their energy, for encouragement, for your approval, etc. As a leader everything you do will reflect on those around you and those behind you. If you work hard they will work hard. If you come to practice and work to get better, they will want to be better with you. But if you slack they will slack. If you undermine the coaches, they will think it’s ok to talk back to the coaches. If you leave practice because you don’t feel like being there, they won’t feel like practicing either. Now I know you didn’t ask for that. But you can’t change that the same way black people couldn’t change the color of their skin and were oppressed because of it. The same way women can’t change their gender and have to carry baby’s instead of just make them. The only thing you can do is accept it and make the best of it. And once you realize that it’s not a choice you will realize being a leader is a great thing, the way black people now realize their skin is beautiful, and the way women realize it’s a blessing to bring life into the world. You were born a leader, and therefore, people will follow you.
The fact is that you need them as much as they need you. I know you have personal goals of playing on the next level. But your goals will fall short if you don’t have capable people around you. If you don’t have players who are also a threat, you’ll never score a single point. If you don’t have teammates who are capable and willing to block for you, you’ll never rush or throw for a single yard. If Lusher doesn’t win any games all of your statistics and personal accomplishments will fall by the wayside and fade into the nothingness once you’re gone. Or you can carry those around you and behind you to higher heights, and when Lusher reaches its potential you can know that you contributed to a thing greater than one man.
I know sometimes you get frustrated with the guys around you who don’t have your talents and you think it would be easier to just “Do you.” But it’s not that simple. God gives us gifts to share with those around us, to help them reach their own potential. Gilbert can be a great basketball player and dominate on the High School level and maybe beyond. But he’s not a leader. Brandon Scott can be a great cornerback and shut down half the field. But not without you pushing him. Aaron Harrison will give everything he’s got on a court or a field, but he needs you to motivate him to know when to make the hit, or attack the boards. Ricky can be the greatest athlete to ever compete at Lusher. But not unless you are there to show him how much you can accomplish so he can strive to accomplish more. They are soldiers, but none is a general. If you throw 100 soldiers into a battlefield they will go 100 different directions if there’s no general to tell them where the fight is. The question is not whether you’re a general. The question is whether or not you’re going to fight. I told you during a basketball game that you are not a man. I stand by that. A man doesn’t leave his family behind. You can choose your friends but you can’t choose family. And your teammates, the people you sweat with, cry with, win and lose with, are your family. Those in Lusher middle school who aspire to someday be your teammates are your family. And you need each other, but they need you more.
We all know you’re a leader, but can you be a man. We know you’re a general, but will you fight?

You reap what you sow: a narrative in 24 hours

2008-03-15T13:51:00.003-05:00

1am
I have 4 midterms awaiting me in the morning. I haven't studied and don't plan to. Mostly because I haven't studied yet this year and I haven't gotten a grade lower than a C. The one exam I did do poorly on ended up being graded on a curve which brought me up a full letter grade. SUNO does not offer the most difficult of curriculum. I need to make sure I finish from here in a timely fashion before they discredit this university. I don't know whether to worry about that because SUNO probably puts more reachers into Orleans Parish Public Schools than any other college. That, of course, is not necessairily a good thing. I'm not worried about my English or Geography exam. English cause it's English and Geography because he gave us a 45 page study guide. With that much information there's no way he's giving us difficult questions. I'm sure 3 of the 4 multiple choice answers for each question will be Daffy Duck. Music and Information Systems I have no idea about but like I said no exam this year has been difficult. I opt to keep watching season 3 of "The Office" because Dwight Schrute is one of my new heroes and I'm thinking of changing my Myspace name to "Assistant to the Regional Manager."

5:30 AM
my sister needs to be dropped off at her friend's house cause they're going to New York. I'm not as concerned that I'm only going to get 2 hours of sleep as far as my test is concerned. However, I know to expect a long day because I have work after, then dinner plans, then I'm going to Les Bon Temps, because Ayo's birthday week Thursday is probably as good as any night to see the Soul Rebels. I will be reaping what I sow by the time the day is done.

9:20 AM
My mom wakes me up and I don't know whether to be thankful she helped me not miss my first exam or upset that now I have to deal with the guilt of not going which will disrupt my sleep. The first exam is about as difficult as I expect. I finish in 25 minutes which allows me time to go finish the paper also due today before testing is done, and keeps me awake so I don't fall asleep in my car and miss my next exam. I open the Geography exam and to my dismay the first 20 questions are nothing I've ever seen, and this is the class I've only missed once because Amiri Baraka was speaking that day. It appears that I will reap what I sow sooner than I thought. I deductive reason my way through the test, which I'm sure will be curved because everyone did poorly, and shake it off to head for my next two exams wich I surf through. My music professor actually read directly from the test on Tuesday which I realize when I knock off the first half of the test without even reading all of my multiple choices. English is made up of all the quizzes we've taken this year and a few things he talked about ad nauseum for the past two weeks.

5:00 PM
I've found renewed energy from my kids. We're preparing for our first track meet of the year tomorrow and they're focusing in on our coaching. I can see they're excited. We're a young school and most of our athletic talent is concentrated in the Freshman class. We'll probably get stomped on tomorrow running against the strongest competition in the city. But I don't mind us taking a loss as long as they don't get discouraged, cause in the long run I'm sure the oats they sow today will be reaped at great harvest in the future.

7:00PM
Since my English exam was so easy I found time to make it to the barber between class and work and now I've gone home to clean the rest of it up, before my dinner engagement. The young lady taking me to dinner made the mistake of betting me that she would keep a consistent workout which I knew she wouldn't do. We're supposed to be going to a movie too but I think I will cancel that portion because a dark theatre usually promotes sleep for me even when I'm not working on 2 hours of sleep. The only thing better than going out to eat is going out to eat and only eating half your food and then knowing you get "Out to eat" food for lunch the next day. I depart my dinner guest cause she has a workday ahead and some people take that seriously. Shortly before our time ends I get a text from another friend of mine. I proceed to her house where I find a short nap and a BJ. Probably the best after steak combination a man can know.

1:00 am
And in the 24th hour is when things take a turn. We're in between sets at Les Bon Temps. I haven't been here in at least a month and the music is even better than I remember. The three drinks at dinner and one drink here have me in good spirits. I head outside to socialize and run into my cousin's cousin on the way out. I hug her and my cousin's friend as their group passes. I ask my cousin's cousin if she's not cool with my cousin or something because they are usually together here. But I've definitely seen this group of 4 travelling closely together and my cousin far away from them at all times. She shuns the question with some version of it's a long story, which confirms that there is turmoil. I'm so glad I was born a male because I would hate to have to be mad at my cousin/friend over something I have no doubt is not as long a story as she would like to believe. I head outside and begin talking to one of my Les Bon Temps friends on the bench where she is sitting alone. My cousin's (ex)friend comes and sits next to me and I turn my attention to her. She too declines to comment on the happenings that brought about the standoff. She only offers some prophetic words

"You reap what you sow."

Not ten seconds after the words come out of her mouth she stands and walks over to where my cousin's cousin is now standing opposite another girl with only a guy in between. They exchange verbally for all of three seconds before a push is exchanged. It's the only push. The rest are fists; connecting fists. Their fight begins approximately ten feet from me. 60 seconds later the fight is literaly in my lap. I'm trying not to get hit by one of these wild swinging fists. 30 seconds after that the fight has passed like a Tornado blowing through and my cousin's cousin is all punched out while the other girl is still swinging and connecting with the top of her head. They are finally separated and my cousin's cousin reaches underneath the bench I'm sitting on to retrieve her hair. Apparently the two of them are fighting because the man between them, my cousin's cousin is dating and is also dating a friend of the other girl. Why that means they have to fight is beyond me. But then again why anyone would fight over a married man besides his wife, who is at home sleeping and is not either of the girls dating him who the fight now taking place conerns, is beyond me. The bouncer comes and tells all parties involved it's time for them to leave. Apparently my cousin's cousin and my cousin's ex-friend interpret leave as "Stand in the middle of New Orleans' historically known Magazine street with weave in hand." While standing there my cousin's cousin takes humbrage with the proximity of the cousin of the girl she just fought. They exchange verbally for all of three seconds before the girl she just fought's cousin punches my cousin's cousin in the face and floors her, or Magazine Street's her. So now my cousin's cousin is on the ground getting beaten in the face by the girl she just fought's cousin for all of 30 seconds before someone is able to separate them. My cousin's cousin, not having enough for whatever reason attacks and punches at several times the married guy who has been in between all of these fights. He ducks her punches as long as he can until it's obvious she's out of control at which time he grabs her by the neck and pins her to a car until the bouncer can come over and break things up again. She is given the ultimatum go home or go to jail. So my cousin's cousin and my cousin's ex-friends all walk to their car but don't manage to leave before the police can arrive. I don't know whether or not she ends up in jail for the evening, but I know the other two fighters didn't since they have long departed and I know the married guy has gone home to go to bed with his wife which I'm sure the thought of makes the cold floor of OPP that much more bitter. Now i'm not picking sides and I'm certainly not making judgements, but it seems that if her loyalties had stayed with her (and my) cousin she would not have found herself getting beat down on historic Magazine street while my cousin's ex-friends watched. I'm not saying my cousin would have jumped in, nor should the ex-friends have. And I'm not saying that a woman shouldn't mess with a married man who's already taken on someone as the other woman. All I'm saying is you reap what you sow.

Some things I still don't understand

2008-03-12T20:30:00.002-05:00

Summer of 2006, I was still getting re-acclimated to my city. Besides the obvious physical changes, I didn’t have any of the friend base I had had before. With all of my friends not having come back I began hanging out with old friends who had not been here before, and made new friends. My socialization time drastically increased and the number of hangout spots I would frequent increased with it. One night at one of these spots that was kind of underground I guess, in that not many people knew of it, and the played a lot of old school hip hop, I started a conversation with this girl. Nothing fancy, but she came across as the kind of woman who was very demanding to be in control of things. She was really sharp, and had a no bullshit attitude, or as our beloved Lil Boosie would say; she was a "Bad Bitch." Anyway, I began seeing her more and more at these spots, especially this one. She gave off this aura like she was too good for men, but not in a stuck-up way, just in a "Niggas ain’t shit" kinda way. That is until we were in this other spot one night and she revealed for one reason or another that she had been frequenting the first spot so much because she had been seeing this guy in private who was affiliated with the bar. At first she wanted not to reveal anything which told me it was someone I knew. Immidiately I guessed it could only be one person. And when I asked her she responded yes. Now the thing is, there were two guys who worked together and had very similar sounding names. I was friends with one and just cool with the other. So when I asked I assumed it was the one I wasn’t that cool with because I knew for a fact the one I was cooler with had a girlfriend. I had met her when she visited from out of town, and we had quite an in-depth discourse about some things. The other one I wasn’t as sure about but I thought I had heard he was involved too. So I blurted out "Oh, ok, I thought he had a girlfriend." Yeah I know that violates all the principles of the guy code. But first of all let me say that it was a mistake. I was more just talking out loud than passing information. And second and most important, I don’t believe in that Guy Code bullshit anyway. Most of the time I just feel if something is not my buisness I don’t need to be the messenger. And as far as my friends are concerned I have loyalties to them. But I don’t give two damns whether some random dude is busted or not. If my friend is a woman than she gets my loyalty over some nigga anyway. Point being though, I didn’t mean to say that because in hindsight it was out of place.

So she rebutted back at me, her face now having changed from lighthearted butterflies, to angry wolf, "No, he doesn’t!" And her friend sitting next to her also confirmed this somewhat angrily. I responded simply "Ok." Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but I certainly wasn’t going to argue about it because I had probably said too much already, I blame the Long Island which was my drink of choice at the time. So anyway, not five minutes later I see her walking to confront a man about whether he has a girlfriend or not, except of course, she doesn’t go to confront the guy I insinuated had a girlfriend. She went to confront the similar sounding name guy who I was friends with and was certain had a girlfriend! Lawd! She gives him a very angry talking to which he obviously deflects with her having gotten bad information, which ironically is true and untrue. And she proceeds to go directly to the dance floor and start dancing with the first guy she sees, which I asume is to make the guy with the girlfriend jealous.

Well played.

Fast-forward an hour and I see the two of them on a sofa her staring angrily and defiantly into the room as he tries to explain himself. Fastforward another 20 minutes and I see them making out on this very couch.

But that’s not the crazy part!

So anyway, I’m not so clear on the details of how this happens because at the time I didn’t know it would make for such great comedy. I have purged most of the information. But I do know that about two months later I run into this girl again after having not seen her since that evening. Now instead of being sharp and in control, she’s bitter and aloof. She is fussing about how "Niggas ain’t shit" but without that air of confidence she had when she knew she was above fucking with a "Ain’t shit Nigga." She doesn’t say this but I assume she hasn’t been around to any of the spots in the last few months because she found out the dude was in fact involved with another girl. Sucks for her I guess.

Fast forward a year

The girl has graduated from her grad school and moved back to her native city.

Fastforward another year.

Mardi Gras 2008 I’m standing in the middle of the street amongst some of the people, in my desparation, I had begun hanging with more frequently. I don’t hang out with them as much now because as opposed to trying to make new friends I’ve chosen to sulk in the loss of friends I once had at my disposal. That being said I do see them on events like this one. So we’re all out there and all of a sudden I get a big hug from nowhere from the girl. We exchange "Hey strangers" and very briefly begin a catching up session. I was not opposed to catching up but I honestly wasn’t too interested, and my lifelong friends were in town so I was anxious to get back to them and our Mardi Gras debauchery. But I couldn’t escape before with this very gleeful look on her face she expressed to me that she had a boyfriend now. "Wow" I said, because in our initial meeting when she seemed so sharp she was all about her I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.C.E. But just like that she was no longer a "Bad Bitch" she was now Keyshia Cole. This must be a great thing for her to be so happy about the adaptation. I asked who she was seeing assuming it was some professional in her hometown that I wouldn’t know anyway. And as if I hadn’t already learned this lesson about women many, many times, you all knew it was the same guy that she had been dating before. I said "Oh, good for you guys." trying not to let my own impression of that situation interfere with her good mood. But I quickly had to disengage from the conversation because I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Here’s the part I don’t understand. I know women make bad decisions all the time. I know they fall in love with the wrong guy at a more frequent rate once they find out he’s the wrong guy. I know they stay with him hoping things will work out. But what I can’t understand for the life of me, is with her knowing I know that she’s guilty of all these things, why would she approach ME with such joy as if she expected me to be happy for her about this development? She can’t possibly think with all the information about this situation I would think that was a good thing. I can’t even apply the term ignorance is bliss to her situation. The only term I can think of is "Bless!"

Black Relationships are Dying

2008-03-06T11:10:00.001-06:00

This is a speech I did in my speech class Wednesday evening. Kibwe asked for a perspective on why women are single he might have neglected so I got double usage out of this particular essay. For his purposes it might be a little lacking cause I was constrained to a 5 minute delivery window, but anyway, here's a femenist perspective on the state of black relationships. BTW this is an informative speech which means technically I was supposed to be stating facts. So I had to find a bunch of useless statistics to support my argument. That's why all those bullshit numbers, and references are in there.

"...he made the mistake of trying to appeal to your mind, unlike the old dog with knowledge for tricks of all kinds, who knows that most times, to give less is to get more."

The poet G perspective in his poem "Old Dogs Don't Need New Tricks" is trying to express that black relationships in America are failing. The traditional ideals which shape the American culture black people have assimilated into are becoming more notably absent in their goals and practices. According to Jabari Asim in his article, "Black Marriage Day" in the Washington Post, only 41% of black adults are married as compared to 51% for whites, while 69% of black couples having children are not married. The American Dream has been modified from 2.5 kids and a house to two and a half baby mommas and a nice whip.

Black Americans have never quite made it over the hump to true American Ideals. Some ieals, like Christianity, blacks were forced into, others, like suffrage, they fought for when denied them. Both struggles have come about because of the institution of slavery. Because of the fundamental concepts of slavery they've never been able to truly embrace American cultural ideals, among them, monogamous relationships. "Keep the body, take the mind." Denzel Washington playing the role of Melvin Tolson in the movie "The Great Debaters" echoed the sentiments of WIllie Lynch as the most basic rule of slave management. The descendants of these slaves have been handed down the oppression of an enslaved mind. Quit frequently the inner conflict of an enslaved mind struggling to understand its' own freedom has steered the black man's goals away from families and working for independence, towards achievement of its' own misperception of success, i.e. material possessions and reclaiming manhood. This self-loathing consequently leads two places; greed and/or jail. 15.4% of black men were incarcerated at the beginning of 2006 according to the Department of Justice, and 7% of black men die before 21. That's over 20% of men eliminated from the dating pool. This affords them enough time to begin a family but not enough time to finish one. This unbalancing act serves two poor ends, both working against the nuclear family. If a man isn't around he can't be a father. That being said the dilution of black mates serves to viciously enable those who would capatilize on their assets. Looking around this room, there is about a 6 to 1 ratio of women to men. Just as in any economy, women acting as relationship consumers are held hostage to the monopoly that educated, financially independent, attractive, black men have over the dating market. Supply of black males being so low mens they can raise the stakes however they choose. Often it results in them taking on multiple mates, which disempowers the black woman's leverage and thus her control in the relationship. The black man fitting the ideal can "give less and get more." which usually does not satisfy the needs of the woman involved. Such a parasitic relationship acts as a cancer because the necessary balance of contribution has been interrupted. This works against both sides because the male, now lacking in motivation to raise his own standards of performance, suffers because he can never truly achieve his potential while in the adolescent state of companionship. These men become incapable role models and serve the cycle of passing down misperceptions of success and goals to the the generations to come emulating the world around them. They grow up in unstable homes where fathers are absent because they choose to be or because they've been eliminated. Black boys grow up thinking they should abandon or take advantage of their women. Black girls believe they have to settle for what they can get. If a man wants sex they have to give it to him because he can and will get it elsewhere Young women without bargaining power are sexualized too young, and too early bear their own childrem doomed to fall into the same cycle. 13.4% of black women become pregnant between ages 15-19 according to the Guttmacher institute in their blogsite. Too small a population commanding too great a control with no checks and balances kills the democracy. Black relationships are dying becase when to have less means to be more, to give less is to get more.

If I could get some face time with Barack I'd go

2008-02-07T09:29:00.000-06:00

So I decided I would not skip class this morning to go watch Barack. I know we aren't going to do shit in any of my classes as usual. I've had assignments so far, nothing I couldn't have completed in my sleep, but we really haven't accomplished much in any of my classes. It's not that I wouldn't be interested in hearing what he has to say, but it doesn't really matter. To me everything that comes out of a Politician's mouth when they're running for office is bullshit anyway. It's all scripted and has its agenda. They study and disect the speeches of their opponent and then structure theirs' to counterdebate what the last guy just talked about. It's a big show and tell. I'd much rather have heard Obama speak before running or if he loses. Most of what he'll say if he is voted President will also be bullshit. Not to demean the guy or my support of him but to me it just seems that becoming President will mean he'll have to answer to the same guys as Bush, so there's only so much lattitude he can get anyway. Of course it's not the same thing. I remember last time when Bush was re-elected I was positive the world would be over before we saw another president. But the truth is that America's domestic problems are its own creation. I'll spare the conspiracy theories here, but I do believe that America is smart enough to solve it's problems. There are reforms in place in other countries that America could be modeling to deal with issues with crime, education etc. But the fact is America is invested in having an underclass. Sadly we don't get to vote on who's rich, so those people can maintain their power, which they aren't shy about using to keep poor people poor. Poor people, can farm our lands, do our labor and fight our wars. If everyone were rich we'd be left with only the few thousand patriots to act as our defense, and America's way too paranoid to limit ourselves like that. So it really doesn't matter who's president when it comes down to just the most basic of problems. To be honest right now I would settle for Barack or Clinton just because I believe it's in both of their best interests to get us out of the war. But I don't like playing games or getting all riled up and spirited with rhetoric just to see New Orleans continue to thrive in poverty, crime and poor education.

Here's the part where you ask me why do I even bother voting if I'm so anti-political.

Because I'm a spiteful bastard and I know those same rich, white people, who would rather see me in fatigues, don't want me to vote.

So I guess I'll go do the memory of Medgar Evers some justice and practice my suffrage. But I think I'll skip the pep rally cause it's more important to maintain the little momentum I have as far as getting to class so someday I can run for for black President

That being said...Obama in 08!

18-1*

2008-02-07T08:39:00.000-06:00

18-1*
I think we all learned 2 valuable lessons from the Superbowl.

1. Tom Brady is not better than Peyton Manning. His only claim to be better than him to this point is his misconstrued success in the Superbowl. But against a legitimate pass rush and a team with the nerve to be more physical than his was Brady folded under the pressure.

2. God don't like ugly. All the shit the Pats talked did not fall on deaf ears. God has an ego and wants us to submit and be humble. You tell the world you can't be stopped and God will stop you to spite your mouth. You cheat to gain an advantage, your advantage will be used against you because you will be weakened when you don't have that crutch. You run up the score on other professionals, somebody bigger and badder than you will step on your face and make you run from it with a second still remaining on the clock. And the whole world will know you are cowards who don't have the sportsmanship of my 8th grade basketball players that at least have the decency to line up and shake hands win or lose.

Here's a valuable lesson only a couple of us learned. When your friends ask you to come in town because they haven't seen you in months you should probably just come in town, otherwise you might have to sit and watch your favorite team get their ass whipped and not even have a shoulder to cry on. In the immortal words of the Hockey Coach on Billy Madison "Better luck next year."

I honestly haven't been that excited about a professional sports win since...well, last year when the Pats got it handed to them by Peyton, Addai, Marlin Jackson, and the rest of the Colts.

Slideshows

2008-01-10T20:47:00.000-06:00

Accountability

2007-12-05T01:34:00.000-06:00

I usually don't talk about my plans. Not just on here but really I don't talk too much to anyone about them. Maybe one friend or two that I feel comfortable saying things with because I know they know me well enough. But in general, I made a conscious decision a long time ago not to talk about the conditional. I know how flaky of a person I can be, and I hate the idea of talking a big game then not living up to it. I have this skewed concept of integrity where it's ok not to do things I should do as long as I don't promise out loud that I will. I don't feel like I'm a quitter. But I am wishy-washy and a lot of time my priorities change cause I can't keep my focus for too long at a time. There's always so much going on I want to do and I go through these phases where one thing takes precedence one month then falls to the backburner the next. That being said there are some goals I set for myself I've been a little comfortable talking about and some I haven't really spoken on at all. The time is drawing nearer to execute or begin these goals. So here is my own check and balance on myself. Once I've put this out there there's no taking it back, so I guess this is my way of promising myself I'll stick with it and make these things happen. I always use the word accountability when I'm coaching my kids. I guess it's high time I applied it.

GOALS FOR 2008

1. I intend to finish my first novel before my 30th birhtday

I think this is the most important one for me so I'll list it first. Initially when I set this goal for myself I wanted to have it published by that time but I know that's unreasonable cause I really don't have control of that kind of thing. But it's well within my control to have a finished version of this by my May 20th deadline. My problem is that I can never stay focused with my writing. Even now in my head I have about 10 other writing projects I feel like starting. I feel like the black middle class and even upper middle class is so underrepresented and they need my voice. I want to write a series of short stories about a black superheroine. I want to write my novel I had started working on "The Liberation of Leonard" which is stored away in my unaccesible hard drive on my broken computer. And I really want to write a Spoken Word movie in the same vein as "Love Jones." I need to go back and revise some old scripts which I feel like could be written better now that I have more experience. I want to write a short story about sex from a woman's perspective. Shit, the list goes on. I can never just sit down and say to myself get all the other stuff out of your head. But I also feel like once I accomplish this goal it will help everything else fall into line. Of course I felt that way when I completed my first short story and my first screenplay and here I am still struggling with writer's overload. But anyway, too bad too sad for all of that cause now that I've said it I gotta finish up. I think I'm about 1/3 finished or so but I still got a long way to go!

2. I will complete a full length CD and DVD of my spoken word

This one is actually probably the easiest of all the goals. I feel like if I had 500 dollars and two weeks this one could be finished at any time. That being said I've felt this way since about July. But it's not so untrue. I already have all the poetry composed and the beats that go with it. It's just a matter of freshening up on the spit of it and getting in a stuido. As far as the videos I just would need a little bit of help and I would be wrapped in not too long at all because the concepts for the remaining videos are still fresh in my head. The problem I came across with this was that at the end of the summer when I was broke and struggling I was working really hard at putting the CD together. I basically recorded a reasonable version of a product I like in my room using some Maguyver like recording techniques and improvisation. But I quickly grew weary of my own work because I felt like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Having a spoken word cd and a dvd of self-produced videos was never anything I longed for in my youth so these goals were pretty fresh to me. When I initially thought of doing it it was just because I thought it would be pretty cool to have my own CD and make it sound like I wanted to sound. But then I was actually offered a distribution and management deal, which even though this was a pretty sleeazy dude who probably wanted to make me a penniless recording artist, and it made me think of the marketability I might have on more than just a local level if I could make some things happen. So with this adjustment in goals I ended up putting all of this hard work into a project that became more about me making money than me making something I would want to represent me. Which isn't to say that the integrity of the work suffered at all because the creative side of it was done. But I found myself burned out becoming frustrated having to do all the work for myself and not being able to work at the pace I wanted to. So when I was finally finished with the demo version of my CD I didn't even want to listen to it. But I think I'm far enough removed from it now, and I've gotten financially stable enough to where It's not going to be a hustle when I finish but exactly what I hoped it would be, which is an accurate auditory representation of me. I think this will end up being more of a summer/late spring goal. Probably try to get started on it right about the time I finish the novel.

3. Time to graduate

Although the Novel is the most important to me on a universal scale, I think this is the most important in the present. I've never been shy about my lack of motivation in school. In fact I've often bragged about how I managed to rid myself of the stigma I once felt of being an underachiever, because I never attained a degree. And to be honest I'm still not very interested in school. But I need to graduate. I realized this summer that I can't be the coach my kids need me to be until that happens.

A. I'm not financially independent enough to do all the things for them I'd like. I've had to work odd jobs which take up a lot of time that I could be devoting to them. It's a catch 22 kind of thing. In order to work a job where I'm required to work the hours I do, I've had to find supplemental jobs that can work around that. Which eats away at time I could be giving to them in other capacities besides school site coaching. Not too mention it would be nice to do things like buy them lunch which I just don't always have the means to do cause the budget is thin as white people hair.

B. I'm not an ideal role model. The example I set right now is basically "You can get by" because more or less that's what I've been doing for so long. Getting by instead of reaching my potential. I certainly don't believe that college is the end all be all. But I also believe in taking advantage of your opportunities and there's no reasonable excuse I can give my kids why I don't have a degree. So who am I to try to instill values of working hard in school when I haven't proven I will do so myself.

C. As of right now I'm unhirable for positions I might be needed for in the future. Our basketball coach is this great guy Hunter Higgins. He's really sharp and knows his stuff and I'm learning a lot about coaching working with him with the high school kids. He's a good hire and good for our program so it was definitely a blessing that he was available when the job came open. But the thing about Hunter is that he's ambitious. And that's not a bad thing, but Lusher is not the kind of school that can support what he wants to do with a basketball program. We share one Gym between about 6 basketball teams. And even though boys high school basketball gets priority, between practices, and games, added to the fact that our basketball world will get bigger the farther we go and try to maintain all these different teams, there just isn't enough room. And the administration, which is modeling some of the academinc programs which don't put as much stress on the atheletic programs, is not really a good fit for Hunter's agenda. So I don't count on him hanging around for too much longer. I think the class of Freshman he has now are going to be able to compete for a state championship their Junior and senior year and after that I can fully imagine Hunter giving some definite ultimatums that probably won't be met. So when that time comes I need to be in a position where I can step in and assume that role so that all the work building the program doesn't go to waste trying to bring in someone new with a different agenda.

Point is all the time I've spent living my carefree lifestyle, which believe me I don't regret, is coming to an end now just as I new it someday would with the onset of new motivations sue to responsibilities I wasn't expecting. I always thought it would be kids I shared DNA with that would motivate me to stop looking forward to playing cards all night so I could wake up on time to go to work. But as it turns out it's a big ol' bunch of other people's kids who got me trying to do the impossible. I've never had a semester where I've completed more than 9 hours of coursework, either due to dropped classes, failed classes, or just not taking a lot of hours. Next Spring I'll be attempting twice that because I know my motivations are fleeting and the only way I feel I can trust myself to do it is to get it done as soon as possible. So hopefully by the end of the Fall semester I'll be finished with school and be able to take a position at the school where i can actually be there all day with them instead of for just a couple of hours in the evening.

I don't think I can do it alone. So by telling the world I've taken on the burden of expectation. I hope I can find the perseverance and keep the motivation to stay on track with this because I'm trying to accomplish probably the three most important things of my life thus far in one little old calendar year. Hopefully, this time next year I'll be writing a different blog about some shit I did instead of some stuff I wanna do.

F'n Saints

2007-12-02T22:47:00.000-06:00

I had been planning for weeks on writing my blog about how much I hate Les Miles. I was too lazy to get around to it, that is until they lost to Arkansas. But then I decided against writing it because I thought it would be too popular a sentiment and I was too lazy to get around to it, so instead I hated him in the privacy of my own mind. Well, of course earlier today when it appeared LSU has backdoored its' way into the national championship game I was re-enthused about writing for my hatred of Les Miles when Sean Payton made it all to clear that I need a perspective check, cause no matter how stupid I think a coach is, there's always someone out there who will trump him with something even stupider.

Now don't misunderstand me. I'm by no means thankful for having an idiot as LSU's coach. luckily all I have to do is avoid going blind or commiting negligent homicide in the next five weeks and I get what I wanted anyway, but with the burden of knowing Les will be there (and beyond) too. Les Miles is like if George Bush, Steve Martin and Forrest Gump had a baby. He's clueless and while he has the charisma of a leader he clearly lacks the understanding, or the temprament of one. And I question whether he has the football intelligence to be a coach. He's managed to turn the most talented team in the country into the most exciting team.

That's not a good thing!

LSU should be pounding people the way champions of the past like '95 Nebraska or '96 Florida champions did. They should have a New England Patriot like command over the College Football world. Instead every game is a new adventure. Consistently down in the 4th quarter of games with the formidable opponents, the Tigers have been called upon to make clutch play after clutch play with 0 margin for error. They've been in panic situations in 6 of their games this year. This is largely due to Miles' bad personell decisions, poor clock management, questionable play-calling, and most of all, I believe, his happy-go-lucky, cavalier attitude towards the game of football, which has to trickle down to his team just by the poor example he sets if nothing else. How many times have they shown premature celebrations of Les' which turned out not to merit discussion only because his team has cop? Let's break down the season's pivotal games.

Vs #9 Virginia Tech and
Vs #12 South Carolina convincing wins. Kudos.
Vs #9 Florida trailed much of the game and needed 4 different 4th down conversions to ensure victory. Some might call that clutch performance. I call it lacking a sense of urgency. no need for them to be in 4 down terrirtory if they convert more third downs. That's a play calling and management issue
Vs #17 Kentucky allowed Kentucky back in the game in one of those letdowns that happen after really big wins that coaches are supposed to not let happen. Called for a run play on 4th down in 3rd ot which was tripped up well short. Probably arrogance just believing no matter what play they threw out there it was bound to work.
Vs #19 Auburn Horrendous clock management on the game winning drive. Took way to long and no sense of urgency meant they found themselves in 4 down terrirtory again. Converted that crucial 4th, then moved into field goal range. Instead of kicking a long field goal to take the lead he lets Flynn underthrow to a man in the end zone. fortunately Flynn is not sacked allowing the clock to run out nor is he intercepted cause the corner doesn't turn around. But before the pass is even completed Les Miles can be seen beating his team out on the field in celebration. Not a good example. In letting his emotions get the best of him he doesn't send his team in to go for two. With 2 seconds left in the game the next time Auburn touches the ball they have to score. if they score a touchdown they win...unless the 2 points is successful. Is it improbable they would score a touchdown? Yes. Did Millsaps throw 15 laterals to win a game just a few weeks after this? Yes! Coaches are supposed to be able to hold it together so they can think clearly through things like this because their players don't have the clarity to do so. But of course the improbable didn't happen so that idiocy just fell by the wayside for everyone but me.
Vs #17 Alabama An overrated Alabama team forced LSU into a massive ammount of penalties and turnovers and once again late game heroics to the tune of 2td's in the last 3 minutes of the game were the only thing keeping them alive.
Vs Arkansas I honestly can't even remember the management issues I had with the way LSU conducted their last scoring drive in regulation. I just know that they went about closing the game out with a drive that would make or break them. Being a fan you have to always feel like there's a limit to how many times your team can overcome obstacles in these pressure filled situations. But the Arrogance of Les Miles just assuming that the job will get done with little regard for the possibility that sometimes it doesn't get done once again amazed me. Of course LSU managed to force overtime and then the defense just couldn't get a stop to save their lives but I don't necessairily blame that on Miles. It's what got them to OT in the first place I have my issues with.

This stuff ate away at me all season cause there was nothing worse to me than the possibility of having to watch a national championship game without LSU, and just as importantly with two teams I have no interest in, kind of like when USC played Oklahoma a few years back and I don't think I watched any two consecutive plays in that game. A January not being able to cheer for my team is not a January I want to embrace. which sadly brings me to the reason this blog actually came to fruition in the first place.

I guess since it's '07 now and the Saints aren't the darling of the NFL anymore cause no one cares too much what goes on here, unless it's fantasy football related, there's a chance this won't go down for the media as the STUPIDEST thing EVER to happen in a football game. But for those of us Saints fans who had punched our ticket to Arizona this Winter this might be one of those things flashing before us on a deathbed. Let's just say the Dolphins were leading 23-20 against the hapless Jets today and they did this play. It would still probably be the play that defined a winless season, and would still rank as the STUPIDEST thing EVER done in an NFL game. But the Saints weren't 0-11, they were 5-6. They weren't playing the other team lurking at the bottom of the division...nay, the NFL. They were playing the Division leader. They weren't playing for respect. They were playing for respect and for the reason any of us watch football in the first place; a shot at divison championship i.e. a Superbowl. I mean, undoubtedly they're not a superbowl team. That's pretty obvious when you see stuff like that happen. But at least fool me. Give me the rest of December and maybe some of January til you let me down. I like to think I'm poetic, but watching that play I was only left with the cliche "You gotta be kidding me." That's like the next thing to being speechless. It seemed like it could only be a joke that Jon Gruden was in on. "Jon we're going to run an end around lateral play ten yards behind the line of scrimmage with a skiddish, fumble prone, Reggie Bush throwing a poor lateral. But I'm just playing. We're gonna need the ball right back ok?"

Honestly, it's my own fault. I should have already been prepared for this, and known I hated Sean Payton after last year in the Dome when instead of just giving the ball to an effective Deuce McCallister to run out the clock against Philly, they ran a pitch play to shaky, unreliable, ass Reggie Bush that he promptly layed on the ground. After a terrible weekend fantasy football wise, and LSU wise last week I thought sometimes it's just not your weekend. Then with LSU getting in I thought maybe life would give me some retribution and there was a weekend out there for me. Then for no particular reason Sean Payton told Reggie Bush to toss my glorious weekend to the Bucs. Who knows, maybe the Saints will backdoor their way into something special too. And I'll flip back to the love side of this relationship. Or maybe Les Miles saw something he liked about that Sean Payton playcalling and will go to him seeking advice for the Championship game.

Shame on you

2007-09-25T16:22:00.001-05:00

Anyone who knows me well knows I HATE The Patriots. I hate the organization, I hate Tom Brady and I hate Bill Belichick. The organization itself makes a practice of hardballing players and giving them cutrate salaries. For years they've shown no loyalty to their players, devaluing them because they know Belichick, who is a good coach, could make do with more affordable ones. Belichick is a smarmy little bastard who reminds me of all the people from Franklin that I didn't like, like Michael Schlefstein and that dude named Matt who wasn't Matt Wessel. And Tom Brady...well, it's not even his fault I hate him. It's these assholes in the media who try to suggest that he's somehow better than Peyton Manning because Peyton chose Football, a team game, over Tennis, a game he actually can win all by himself. I'll get back to that later.

So nothing in week one gave me greater pleasure than to hear that Eric Mangini, who was most likely pissed at Bill for trying to run up the score on him, ratted his dog ass out. A violation so serious it begs into question the legitimacy of any and every win the Pats ever had. At least for me it does. Back to Brady again. Sometimes this guy has like 10 seconds in the pocket. Sometimes he actually is pretty good about getting the ball to the only place that it can go successfully. Certainly the kind of attributes that could be accentuated if say HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THE DEFENSE WOULD BE DOING AT THE TIME. Granted they've only gotten caught one time. But I NEVER got caught cheating on a girlfriend so that one time might as well be a million. I don't know nor do I care to what extent he used cheating in the past. What's done is done. I would love to see them srtipped clean of all three Superbowls and AFC Championship games won under Belichick. But the Tarnish on their so called Dynasty is enough to satiate me for now. If I could do something about these assholes insisting USC has a dynasty I could die happy, but I suspect LSU will have something to say about that in January. As far as I'm concerned the only Modern Dynastys are the 49er's and Lakers of the 80's, Cowboys of the 90's, and of course the most important the Bulls of the 90's which is the most impressive of all because in a league not diluted with expansion like The so called Spurs Dynasty era is, nor minimalized by only 8 teams like the Celtics of the 60's The Bulls competed at the top of the top sport and could not be stopped by athelete, time nore complacency. Anyway, I'm getting off task

Fuck the Patriots. For More on why I hate Tom Brady here's an Email I sent to Bill Simmons in reference to one of his articles on ESPN.com.

Let me start by saying I dig your column. You're a
helluva funny guy. Even though I hate the patriots I
can appreciate your loyalty. I usually check your
articles on the way to my fantasy page so I've never
felt an impulse to respond but you absolutely incensed
me with the statement "How many Superbowls would Brady
have won if he had Manning's supporting cast?"

Are you kidding?!?

I'm not a bandwagon Patriot hater. I've hated them
since the first time they beat the Colts (my perennial
favorite team since Manning got there) But nothing
chaps me more than talk of Tom Brady being a superior
QB to Manning because of his 3 Superbowl rings.
Nothing can be more misleading. If for whatever reason
we were to switch Manning and Brady's uniforms I think
he would have probably won, oh...3 or 4 Superbowls.

1. Brady's contribution to those Superbowls were not
that impressive. He led them on two different 40 yard
drives in sub 2 minute drives against some ok
defenses. Other than that what? He did basically
nothing but manage the game against the Rams and then
marched them on a dink and dunk drive to Vinatieri
range which was somewhere near Bourbon street that
year since he was making game tying and winning
fieldgoals of 40+ in the snow. I don't doubt Drew
Bledsoe could have won them that Superbowl with the
defense stepping up against the potent Rams offense
like that. The Rams Defense was a big play defense
with a bend but don't break philosophy. Kind of
perfect for driving circa the 30 yard line if you just
want to throw 6 yard passes to Troy Brown. Brady
played well against the Panthers for the second half
of the game and the end of the second quarter, but I
don't necessairily feel like he outplayed Jake
Delhomme in that game. Jake's game was magical in some
Brett Favre legacy kind of fashion against the Pats D
that Wore out the Colts super offense. And then once
again was saved by the foot of the most clutch kicker
in NFL history after the Panthers kicker botched it
big time leaving them to only drive 40 yards to
paydirt. He played pretty good against the Eagles too
but couldn't even beat out Deion Branch for player of
the game. There's not one single doubt in my mind that
tells me Peyton couldn't have done as well or better
in any of these positions.

2. Manning's supporting cast was inferior every year
up until 2006. I suppose you would like to suggest
that Edgerrin James is far superior to Antowain Smth
and Kevin Faulk as a combination. And that Marvin
Harrison, Reggie Wayne combo is better than Branch,
Patten, Brown/ reciever by commitee. And I won't argue
that skillwise there's an obvious advantage to the
Colts. HOWEVER, that advantage is rendered fairly
insgnificant to the Pats Advantage defensively. Marvin
is a precise route runner with great hands. But he's
not Terrel Owens, Jerry Rice, Randy Moss etc. in terms
of big play ability. He's not gonna take a 5 yard pass
nearly get tackled and will himself vertical Like
Steve Smith last week. So to be perfectly honest his
and Wayne's contribution aren't too dissimilar to Troy
Brown's steady hole in the zone finding. Same for
Edge. He defenitely could get you those 7 or 8 yard
runs Emmit SMith style but there was no Barry Sanders
60 yard explosionslike he would do before the knee
injury. And with the Pats line which I feel was
superior to the Colts and their play action run
philosophy the running game contributed nearly as
efficiently as Edge. Now here's the thing. When you
matchup these weapons, Harrison, Wayne, Edge, against
the Pats defense all of a sudden I'm laying odds with
Brady everytime. Marvin either fumbled away, couldn't
catch or just plain couldn't even get off the line
against the physical (often defensive holding) play
from the Pats D. What is Peyton supposed to do then?
Become Michale Vick? I mean seriously, I love Marvin
and I appreciate he won't need Gene Upshaw's help when
his career is done, but have you ever seen a non Rams
reciever take more dives after a catch to avoid
getting tackled in any given year? The guy's soft,
especially come playoff time. I would take Troy Brown
over Marvin ten times out of ten in a championship
game. I gaurantee you this...if Brady had to face his
own defense without the benefit of his line, which
sometimes gave him betwen 6-8 seconds to look
downfield, and not Indy's marginal/poor defense in
those years they beat the Colts in the playoffs we
would certainly have a different opinion about Tom's
status as a QB in this era.

I got Moss in the 6th round of two fantasy leagues so
this is the first year I have been abe to see a Brady
touchdown pass without utter disgust in many moons.
But I think what takes the sting off his success this
season the most is that I don't have to hear any more
illogical mularkey about how he can win the big game
and Manning can't. When Peyton is done he will be
called the best quarterback to ever play the game
similar to when Jordan was able to beat the Pistons
finally he ascended to the rank of undisputed best
basketball player ever. Tom Brady is good, top 2 or 3
in NFL right now (I still like Carson talentwise) but
in an "all things being equal" playing field, Peyton
would be the one sporting the hardware

Late night with A&G

2007-08-08T06:41:00.000-05:00

The grammar is terrible but the content may be worth something.

rasta FENIX: to bed i say
Gian Smith: man
Gian Smith: I started feeling spiritual as a MF
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: I'm writing apology letters to my ex girlfriends
rasta FENIX: watchin more porn huh?
Gian Smith: nah
rasta FENIX: dayum
Gian Smith: I was looking for something and I found an old email
Gian Smith: and it prompted me to read some emails froman ex
Gian Smith: and I realized how bad I fucked over her
Gian Smith: but the thing is
rasta FENIX: wow..
rasta FENIX: tha's pretty noble of u.
Gian Smith: even after we broke up I was still blaming her for shit
Gian Smith: when I was really doing allkind of fucked up stuff she neverhad a clue about
Gian Smith: An I been talking a lot of shit tomyself lately about how righteous I am and shit
rasta FENIX: ah
Gian Smith: so I figured it was some punk shit to think sohighly of myself but still be perpetuating the misconception I was an angel
rasta FENIX: u heard that akon song
rasta FENIX: im sorry?
Gian Smith: when I really was aanything but
Gian Smith: nah
Gian Smith: fuck Akon
rasta FENIX: i agree
rasta FENIX: fuck akon.
Gian Smith: lol
rasta FENIX: i HATE his music
rasta FENIX: but i admit
rasta FENIX: the song was some of the realist shit ive heard
rasta FENIX: his entire song.. was sayin "blame me" it was my fault.. i take responsibility for.. x, y, and z
rasta FENIX: . like to his mom.. to his girl.. to his friends.. to his fans (however few there might be)
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: nigga was like ...
Gian Smith: my bad for this shitty ass album
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: nigga trying to get out his contract
rasta FENIX: basicly
rasta FENIX: LOLLLL
rasta FENIX: really though.. lyrically.. its not strong.. but content wise.. its pretty honarable shit
5:20 AM
rasta FENIX: neway.. sorry to interrupt
Gian Smith: check your email
5:25 AM
rasta FENIX: good shit
5:30 AM
rasta FENIX: impressive,,, on many levels,, and for wat its worth,, im proud of u
Gian Smith: thanks
rasta FENIX: pass it on
Gian Smith: I think it's going to liberate me
Gian Smith: not that I felt opressed
rasta FENIX: as it should
rasta FENIX: not that u should hsve
rasta FENIX: or maybe u should have
Gian Smith: but I can feel like I actually am worthy of the distinction I try to give meyself of being honest with women
Gian Smith: lol
rasta FENIX: and your knowing NOW that u should have felt oppressed,,, is in itself a liberation
rasta FENIX: true indeed
Gian Smith: hmm
Gian Smith: that's the best kind of liberation
Gian Smith: because you don'thave to go through the bad feelings of being opressed
rasta FENIX: glad u agree.
Gian Smith: you just have to know you should have felt bad about it
rasta FENIX: true
rasta FENIX: ya know what.
rasta FENIX: i dont think ive been an out an out bad guy to any of my women
rasta FENIX: .though.. a bit of what u said.. in terms of blame placing could apply to me. im sure. (though.. i feel ive been wronged more than any of them)
rasta FENIX: maybe im not grown or mature enough to admit any further.
rasta FENIX: my problem is this
rasta FENIX: i consider myself average
rasta FENIX: .. i think im a regular guy..
rasta FENIX: .. and .. people so often tell me NO.. u're spectacular
rasta FENIX: . at which point. im like NOO.. im realy like.. your AVERAGE guy.
rasta FENIX: and they're like.. look at u .. ur so humble
rasta FENIX: im like .. noo really.. ur missing it
rasta FENIX: i have cheated.. i have lied.. i have stolen (i thnk ).. i am weak on many fronts.
rasta FENIX: i am lazy.. and lack ambition more often than not.
rasta FENIX: but.. all people seem to toss accolades at me like cocnuts during zulu
rasta FENIX: .. and im like.. SHEESH
Gian Smith: I know what you're saying
Gian Smith: really I do
rasta FENIX: and its like.. WTF can i do..
Gian Smith: but you have to realize that just because you're HUMAN
Gian Smith: doesn'tmean you aren't also spectacular
rasta FENIX: i guess.
Gian Smith: you can take it as a complimnet if you want
Gian Smith: but it's also a burden
Gian Smith: it's not a choice to have an aura
rasta FENIX: .. oh.. definately a burden
Gian Smith: it's just what happens
Gian Smith: people gravitate towards you
Gian Smith: regardless of the faults they choose to ignore
rasta FENIX: .. i feel as though.. people's view of me.. no matter how inaccurate.. dictates what the expect of me.. and when and if if DONT deliver.. THEN.. the disappointment is multiplied.. and what can i really say "told you i was regular"
rasta FENIX: faults?.... what faults
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: you have gifts and magnetism which superceedes your faults as long as you aren't hurting anyone
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: um
Gian Smith: scroll up
rasta FENIX: hey hey hey.. i dont know if these faults u speak of.
5:40 AM
Gian Smith: nigga you spoke em
Gian Smith: I just cosigned
rasta FENIX: and i dont know why was writing in this window earlier
Gian Smith: nigga wrote a soliloquy bout his faults
Gian Smith: so....
Gian Smith: youve been afraid of not living up to expectation for two decades
Gian Smith: yet you continue to exceede expectations
Gian Smith: what does that tell you?
Gian Smith: maybe if you spent less time worrying about failing you might actually fail
rasta FENIX: that the world is a horrible place with rediculously low standards
Gian Smith: and from there you would acheive
rasta FENIX: maybe ill only achieve at failing .. if i fail to achieve
Gian Smith: and now we're right back to it's nothing
rasta FENIX: .. yes..
rasta FENIX: its always nothin.
rasta FENIX: .. seriously though.. u read my speal about being average.. right
Gian Smith: yeah
rasta FENIX: we spoke of that before
Gian Smith: yep
rasta FENIX: if i tell a hoe.. im FAT.
rasta FENIX: .. hoes is like.. NO U NOOOOT.. IMMM FAT..
rasta FENIX: im like.. bitch u aint seen my stomach..
rasta FENIX: .. but i know u aint fat though..
rasta FENIX: how is it that when one is honest with onesself.. the world keeps lyin to you
5:45 AM
Gian Smith: LOL
Gian Smith: people see what they want
Gian Smith: we all know this
rasta FENIX: i guess that's the long and the shirrt of it
Gian Smith: so if people only see the good in you so be it
rasta FENIX: short
Gian Smith: here's the thing
Gian Smith: and let me preface this with a nohomo
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: the thing that makes you most spectacular is that you use your powers to do more good than evil
rasta FENIX: is that REALLY so rare?
Gian Smith: I'm sure you feel bad about things that happen with women who you aren't on the same level as they are with you
Gian Smith: and maybe you should
rasta FENIX: .. i mean.. i know im naive.. but.. am i completely anne frank'n round this bitch
Gian Smith: well
rasta FENIX: yeah
Gian Smith: most people who have your gifts would be totally manipulative
Gian Smith: and lack regard for those who fell beneath them
Gian Smith: they would use the Young Goodman Browns of the world
rasta FENIX: i beg to differ.. i feel as though the gifts i have .. came to me.. with some understanding of my ability..
Gian Smith: they would use the Susies and the Janes
Gian Smith: and I'm sure on some level you feel like you use all of them
rasta FENIX: the confidence to have swagger came from being able to recognize how people see me..
rasta FENIX: use the Young Goodman Browns?
Gian Smith: sure
rasta FENIX: ...?
Gian Smith: I don't know how
Gian Smith: maybe you feel like you use his loyaty
Gian Smith: maybe you don't
Gian Smith: but the thing is you could use his loyalty
Gian Smith: if you wanted to
Gian Smith: in a way that would be detrimental to him
rasta FENIX: i never even considered that.
Gian Smith: but you use people in a fashion that brings them up as well
Gian Smith: which is a spectacular thing
rasta FENIX: the thing is.. i DO think he's a pathetic lil twirp (ONLY in the sense of his self image)... but.. i think he's a powerful man.. who doesnt recognize his own ability... in a sence i feel that he DOES have control .. and cant be so easily manipulated.. (but chooses to let it happen)
rasta FENIX: bring them up?
rasta FENIX: i intend to.. but i cant say that i see myself actually doing this
Gian Smith: well
Gian Smith: how many women have you talked to to who've been in relationships where they felt like they were constantly giving
Gian Smith: probably all of them have felt that way
Gian Smith: Now of all the vast relationships you have with women how many of them do you think feel like you're being that kind of a burden to them
Gian Smith: there are guys with charm, money, good looks who only want to conquer women
Gian Smith: gain their submission
rasta FENIX: ya lost me with the first part of this.
rasta FENIX: i gotta re read it
Gian Smith: but you present a symbiotic relationship
Gian Smith: this is what I'm saying
Gian Smith: tosummise
Gian Smith: people (men and women) are always going to want more from you than you have or even want to give
rasta FENIX: ya think
rasta FENIX: ..
Gian Smith: I truly feel the majority of people in the world would offer the promise of things they did not intend on giving if they were in your shoes
rasta FENIX: .... i admit some would.
rasta FENIX: but.. i feel that .. once u have what i have.. and are in MY shoes..
Gian Smith: but you give people what you will of yourself without creating the unrealistc/unhealthy expectation
rasta FENIX: then u. dont see the value in it
Gian Smith: crazy talk
Gian Smith: I don't think you realize how much we have in common
rasta FENIX: lol
rasta FENIX: oh contrair
Gian Smith: there is a portion of the world you rarely come in contact with who feel the way about me that people feel about you
Gian Smith: I've been revered
Gian Smith: so much to the point of self doubt to whether it was deserved or if I was just a fraud
Gian Smith: But through great self-reflection I realised that it's not an accident that those people saw me that way
Gian Smith: and that my heart and my good intentions were what would separate me from the man I want to be and the man I feared I might be
rasta FENIX: so..
rasta FENIX: that leaves u at the man u are.
rasta FENIX: but where does he fall on that scale
6:00 AM
Gian Smith: well that's the thing
Gian Smith: in order to become the man I am I had to humble myself a great deal
Gian Smith: because I couldn't handle my own arrogance
Gian Smith: I thought a little too highly of myself
Gian Smith: in that I had to give up some of my "swagger"
rasta FENIX: tha's our difference.
rasta FENIX: i feel i have an edge up on the world in ONE regard.. (i know the truth about me).
rasta FENIX: .. tha truth is that. im fuckin AVERAGE
Gian Smith: there's a difference between HUMAN and AVERAGE
Gian Smith: you are capable of all things manis capable of
Gian Smith: an average person is not as well received nor do they know how to reciprocate their reception
rasta FENIX: ok.. that.. makes sense..
rasta FENIX: and on that i stand corrected.
Gian Smith: I think it would do you a great service to fail at something
Gian Smith: something visible
rasta FENIX: touche
Gian Smith: so that you could see that people would still have faith in you
rasta FENIX: i fail all the time
Gian Smith: but not visibly
rasta FENIX: they just ignore that shit..and act like it didnt happen
Gian Smith: not publicly visibly
Gian Smith: hmmm
Gian Smith: maybe
Gian Smith: I can see that too
rasta FENIX: basketball, karate, school, what cha got
Gian Smith: but I guess that's what I'm saying
Gian Smith: is that people can see you fail if they want to
Gian Smith: but they don't want to
Gian Smith: and they'll always believe in you
Gian Smith: but it's not an accident
Gian Smith: once again
Gian Smith: let's bring this back to me
Gian Smith: You will sit here and tell me how great a writer you feel I am
Gian Smith: and I feel like I am a great writer
Gian Smith: but at what gain?
Gian Smith: I could have written a book 7 years ago
Gian Smith: but I haven't
Gian Smith: in m mind that's a faliure
rasta FENIX: .. cuz u wack
Gian Smith: precisely
rasta FENIX: and it is
rasta FENIX: u're a great writer.. who happens to be wack
Gian Smith: but you don't see me as a failure because you know my potential
Gian Smith: it's not your goal for me to have writtena book 7 years ago
Gian Smith: so I haven't failed in your eyes
Gian Smith: you know that someday I will have completed a book you will pass along to your friends
Gian Smith: and for that reason you believe in me
Gian Smith: same thing
rasta FENIX: .. i say my following statement with the utmost respect... but.. i feel that YOU are more like me than a LOTTA other people.. and by saying that. i DO feel u are hella average.. and that the world sees what they want of u. (myself included) it takes removal of myself from the equation to say that.. but i feel that way
Gian Smith: if I'm average
Gian Smith: and you're average
Gian Smith: then we're all average
rasta FENIX: uhhuh
Gian Smith: now aren't we
rasta FENIX: .. nahh
rasta FENIX: .. the rest of them fuckas.. is sub par
Gian Smith: who is spectacular?
Gian Smith: Michael Jordan?
rasta FENIX: .. melissa ford
Gian Smith: Puffy?
rasta FENIX: oh. puff is truly stupendous
Gian Smith: Niggas who are driven by their insecurities
rasta FENIX: .. he's a god in the flesh
Gian Smith: lol
rasta FENIX: puff is the truth
rasta FENIX: . dont nobody betta say nuthin bad about sean combs.. lol
Gian Smith: I submit that people with spectacular acheivements aren't necessarily spectacular people
rasta FENIX: hmm.
rasta FENIX: so a man cannot be judged by his actions in your book
Gian Smith: actions and achievements are also different
rasta FENIX: .. so what then ... is the value of a man?
Gian Smith: Bill Gates is a billionaire right?
Gian Smith: but how many people do you think he will reach in his life?
Gian Smith: everybody in a sense
rasta FENIX: fair enough.. but is an achievement.. and a failure not one in the same depending on which end of the stick you measure from .
Gian Smith: that's the thing
rasta FENIX: ok.
Gian Smith: you can look at it either way
Gian Smith: I'm sure Puffy would rather make 500 million dollars than to move 1000 people with his words
Gian Smith: I would rather move 1000 people than to make 500 million dollars
Gian Smith: the both of us will emotionally move more people than Bill Gates, Puffy, Master P combined
Gian Smith: in our life
Gian Smith: our value is in our Hearts
rasta FENIX: ok
Gian Smith: and our Art
rasta FENIX: you know how i know u're GAY
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: I'm being real
Gian Smith: I don't believe anyone in the world can mathematically have as many close friends as I do
Gian Smith: and for all Bill Gates is worth no one would want to be around him if he werent rich
Gian Smith: wheras you are broke as me and people gravitate to you
Gian Smith: achievement i what average niggas do when they trying to be spectacular
rasta FENIX: ok
rasta FENIX: .. well put
rasta FENIX: so what then.. Do spectacular niggas do?
Gian Smith: pass it on brotha
rasta FENIX: lol
Gian Smith: and that's real
rasta FENIX: hmmm..
rasta FENIX: i have just come up with the HOT NEW SHIT
rasta FENIX: like ta hear it.. hear it go
rasta FENIX: people blog.. about THIs and THAT.. and all kindsa shit. most people might now wanna read. (but PEOPLE READ BLOGS .. errryyday
rasta FENIX: .. y not.. encourge moving dialog like that whih we share regularly
rasta FENIX: by.. posting IM convos
Gian Smith: I agree
Gian Smith: I'll post if you post
rasta FENIX: cool.
Gian Smith: but before you finish
Gian Smith: you can copy after this
rasta FENIX: damit
rasta FENIX: i .. closed my window during this exchange
Gian Smith: lol
Gian Smith: I'l send it to you
Gian Smith: anyway
rasta FENIX: listening
Gian Smith: people get the internet because they NEED it
Gian Smith: but why do motherfuckers buy Tokyos?
rasta FENIX: so they can bless up
Gian Smith: Because Ayo and Gian toldem to
rasta FENIX: .. nah.. CUZ we drink tokyos'
Gian Smith: Goddamn right
rasta FENIX: YUP YUP
rasta FENIX: lol

Nappy Headed Ex-Girlfriend (NHEG)

2007-08-08T05:27:00.001-05:00

This is the way I refered to her in past blogs. But now it's time to apologize for it. I'm procrastinating as usual and I stumbled over an email that inspired this letter. Now that I've done this I've got about 3 more to get to. And I don't know whether to laugh or cry about that.

I don't think we've spoken in over a year. At least that's what my most recent email from you would indicate. I was cleaning out my inbox and I saw something you had sent me. It escapes me at this time what it was but it was from May 2006. I tried to think to myself why it is that I had sworn you off again but it just would not come to me.

I did remember some things though. Whatever it is I had a problem with was probably due to the nature of what our relationship had become. A series of willful battles where both sides wanted no part of the blame for the demise of our relationship. A constant state of defensiveness between us. Well to be honest with you I can't necessarily say I'm not still capable of that. But I do have the sense of awareness to realize that whatever the last thing I took issue with, which made me decide I didn't want to speak to you probably had a lot more to do with my own sensibilities and me being hurt that you were not responsive to me in the way I wanted you to be than anything else. I'm sure in the year that's passed since we've spoken it hasn't been too difficult for you to handle but nevertheless I am not too proud to admit that it was an immature response

So then I went to my "Alana" folder and started reading all the old emails I had. I can't put myself back in the frame of mind I had when I initially received them, but then again I wouldn't want to. But it did bring back to me some moments that have passed. And it was interesting to me to read how much you actually fought for our relationship. To be reminded of the constant support for me even though looking back I realize exactly how shiftless I was during those years. Financially, spiritually and emotionally. That being said I know I gave you a hard time when we were together because I can remember some of those conversations where I relentlessly demanded answers I already knew I didn't want to hear for questions I shouldn't have asked.

*tangent*

I've been making a lot of changes for myself in the last couple of years. And slowly they've helped me get closer to a man I want to be...at least in practice anyway. I have humbled myself and grown well beyond my years maturity wise. And I've been proud of my growth but perhaps too proud without really making full amends for all my past indiscretions. I've bragged to myself and others about how good I've been to women in the sense that I look out for their best interest first, even if it's someone I am not involved with. That is to say I keep all of my relationships with women on a level they can handle emotionally or not at all. And I feel like I'm doing well, but I guess even during this time I've not been a good man because I've perpetuated the belief (even if by the omission of not being honest about it) that I felt I had been the wronged in the past.

That being said I realized that a lot of the time I spent demanding your accountability for things it was because of my own insecurity 1.obviously for the reasons I felt I couldn't be secure because of our history. 2. because of my own history and baggage and 3. because I cheated on you. Many years have passed and I don't even know if you care at all, much less care of the extent, but sadly that is the case.

I lived in constant fear that my past would come back to haunt me. I cheated on Antoinette as well. And occasionally in egregious fashion.

I don't suppose it matters but I'll tell you anyway that in my own mind I somehow thought that cheating would make things easier for me to handle. I thought that it would be like a pre-emptive strike if I found out either of you had cheated and keep me from feeling vulnerable because I had invested myself. But all it really made me was more insecure because with it I began searching for truths that would make me miserable no matter the content. If you had cheated and validated me cheating it would still make me feel worse, conversely if I could find no evidence that you had cheated it would never be enough to satisfy the notion that you might have. Especially since I didn't have any resistance when it came to getting away with it. If it is of any curiosity I am available for whatever inquisitions you have.

Anyway...

Alana, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for demanding from you what I knew I could and would not reciprocate. I'm sorry for the dishonorable way I treated you in the aftermath of our relationship by continuing the dishonesty but not at the behest of the grudge I still carried. And I'm sorry I wasn't a better man during that time when you selflessly gave of your emotions.

I do feel like I'm on the right path now, but it struck me that I could not be truly righteous by continuing to begrudge you in spite of the fact I was not holding up my end of the bargain.

And once again, I can't even say that I'm completely beyond my immaturity. I could feel the unresolved feelings I have inside for you as I re-read your emails. I know it's within my capacity to feel slighted by you because you don't feel the way about me I want you to. So knowing that I don't even intend this email as the beginning of a correspondence. But I Owe a lot. And I know I can't stop worrying if God will punish me for my sins as long as I'm not doing everything in my power to amend them.

At any rate you may or may not be interested to know that I have a job that I like coaching Football, Basketball, and Track on the middle and high school level at the school I went to for middle school. The writing is coming along very well. I Have gotten extra creative and have started directing videos and shorts of my own. I will be finished my first novel by this time next year, and I was recently offered a recording contract to do some Spoken Word albums which I turned down cause I feel I can get a better deal once I further establish myself. I am still negotiating with the company to work on a movie with them which I would script and co-direct. Saia just turned 21 and is in her last year at Tulane. My mom is retired and is helping start the charter schools back up in Orleans Parish. And my dad is Felipe, no more no less.

I appreciate you....

Gian

Jill Scott-He Loves Me

2007-07-25T13:05:00.000-05:00

Maybe one day I'll get back to actually writing blogs. But I'm addicted to the camera for now.

If you dig it and you're in New Orleans area I am going to start offering this as a service for people who want things for weddings, anniversaries, etc. Let your people know.

New Video

2007-07-23T03:38:00.000-05:00

If you liked the last one...you'll like this one on par with it. But then after watching it two or three times it will grow on you and you'l realize you like it even better.

Alliens

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random...

2007-07-21T04:21:00.000-05:00

T-Pain is a genius...

"Let me buy you a DRANK....
oh oh woooooo
I'ma take you home with me
It's like money in the BANK
shorty blah blah blah
Tell me what you THANK bout that."

How would one buy someone the past tense of a drink. But then to continue the rhyme scheme by asking her a question with a word that is not even the past tense of think, but in fact...a completely different word is pure brilliance. He could have just bought her a drink and asked her what she thinks about that...but that's too easy.

I actually think he's got some gris gris or something because I still like that song even though I never have been able to understand why. I assumed I would hate it after hearing it once. Then even after I liked it I was like I'll hear it so much I'm bound to hate it. But somehow I still dig that "Oooowoooowooowooo snap your fingers, do your step, you can do it all by yourself"

So then to take it a step further after hearing it several times by being around my kids I started liking two step. Then I heard the remix with T-Pain. And that song rocks so hard to me now. I've spent at least one evening with it on repeat on my Itunes. Anyway, thank you T-Pain for all you've done musically.

Reality (It Hits You...)

2007-07-11T07:42:00.000-05:00

I made this video for one of my favorite local groups. I've been to see them three times all for at least 2 hour sets and they've never disappointed. Then I've been rocking there CD hard for two months. All for 8 dollars in tips. So I made them this video. Hope they dig it...hope yall do too. It might be my favorite one yet.

Reality (It Hits You...)

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Mademoiselle Mabry

2007-07-03T06:27:00.000-05:00

My newest video...

Child of the Night

2007-06-28T09:43:00.000-05:00

I did this video for the "About Me" section on Myspace, and because I always wanted to.

Ces't la Vie

2007-06-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

This is easily one of my top five favorite creative accomplishments.

Ces't La Vie

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29

2007-05-21T03:31:00.001-05:00

One of my students asked me what I want for my birthday. I told her the truth which is that I really didn't know. I hadn't given it that much thought since grown-ups don't really have birthdays. She told me that was sad, I told her there was a difference between the things I need and those I want. I had most of the needs covered so I quickly gave her the rundown on my birthday want list. So for anyone else out there who didn't know what to get me I'l make it easy on you too.

Top ten Birthday present Wantlist (in no particular order)

1. A writing grant so I can sit around the house and get paid for all these stories I don't finish.

2. State championships for Lusher in all the sports we compete in.

3. The Suns to win the NBA Championship (It's too late for this one but it's what I said)

4. The Saints to win the Superbowl.

5. All my kids to get straight a's, excel at their sports and be safe.

6. Dutch apple pie and plenty of it

7. my friends to move back to New Orleans

8. The rest of the world to start their day at noon

9. Expungement of any outstanding warrants

10. My videotape that was in my VCR that got stolen, where I had my 54 point game recorded.

Thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday. Never knew so many of yall cared. I guess Myspace is at least good for Birthday reminders if nothing else.

I'm so easy

2007-05-17T07:09:00.001-05:00

Today was a good day for me. What else is new. I was looking forward to our Sports trip since I had found out about it. My kids make it easier to wake up every morning, so spending the day with them was all I needed to hear and I was awake at 7am. I walked in the cafeteria and stood on the wall, and the first chance they got, my boys started gravitating towards me.

It pleases me so, to know they look up to me. They probably don't even realize how happy they make me just to be around them, watch them grow, remember things about my youth that I only thought I hated but were really some of the most beautiful times of my life because everything when I was their age was so pure. Watching a child grow into a man or woman is like watching a movie. You know where things are going with them cause you've lived through it. And you can take delight in how crucial things seem to them when you know how far they will come in a short time. Luckily I have really good kids so all my movies are good. We got on the bus and went out to the skating rink. They took turns trying to engage me in conversation. I reveled in every moment of answering their attention. When we got to the rink one of my girls came and sat next to me. We're getting along well, and I hope it continues that way because she's very special, and her, like with all of them, I want to be able to trust me and know I have their best intentions in mind. We talked briefly but were soon interrupted by one of my boys who's leaving for a different high school next year. He's a good kid who's motivations will probably lead him in directions I wouldn't prefer for him. But I hope he gets the impact of the importance of good decision making I try to instill in him, because undoubtedly he has many mistakes ahead. It's just a matter of not getting too far out of hand to where the mistakes make the decisions for him. I can see he's coming to a point where most of his actions are single goal oriented (and him being a teenager, we know what that goal is) but I can still see the innocence in him when he gravitates towards me. I see the vulnerability in his desire for my approval, and that is gratifying to me to know he trusts me. A couple of my students asked if I would skate to which I responded with a resounding "No" every time, since I haven't skated in over a decade. But then one of my 7th grade girls, who has a crush on me, built up the nerve to ask me to skate with her. I was so proud of her. She's not fast, she's actually a little on the timid side, so I know that took a lot of courage to come ask me that. And when I told her I don't skate she didn't walk away meekly. She persisted with a "this would mean a lot to me face." How could I possibly resist that. Furthermore, what kind of coach would I be if one of my kids asked me to give them an effort and I didn't just because I wasn't good at something. So I threw on some skates and akwardly made my way to the skating area with as much coordination as a newborn baby. I think they all enjoyed seeing their coach so vulnerable since usually they're on the other end of me watching them put forth their best effort, however ungraceful it may be. So my little friend held my hand and guided me around the rink, coaching me. I did my best for a dozen or so laps before all the bending forward that goes with skating, along with me consistently losing my balance, made my back start hurting and I had to sit my old, bout to be 29, ass down. We went back to school and began preperation for our Spring football game. We ended up losing the game, which of course means nothing because it's simply a scrimmage, but showed enormous strides since the beginning of practice, which does mean a lot and pleased all the coaches. And for our efforts we recieved an uproarious round of applause from our student body which was a fantastic, unprevoked, gesture. Not everyone saw action in the game,and one of my boys tried to leave me saying he quit. I had coached the young man in basketball and track already, so I'm a little more attached to him than others, and I explained to him exactly why he was not allowed to quit. It took sometime talking but I know he listened and I have no doubt that I will see him on the field when practice resumes. And since he always gives me his best effort when I ask him for it, I have no doubt I will see a renewed enthusiasm also.

When I got home I was transfering some of my writings from notebooks into my computer and I started reading some old journals of mine. For a second I started to lament meeting some of the wrong people at the wrong time. I started lamenting meeting a right person at a very wrong time. I relived some of the events I had documented and longed to be back in that time to right them and set my course with them straight or at least painless. And then the face of my little friend in her jeans and red t-shirt came to mind. And I thought of her asking confidently "Coach would you come skate with me?" and I knew that everything that happened was all worthwhile, cause a minor detour keeping me from my present would be a tragedy. And I wouldn't trade NOT ONE of my kids for anyone in the world.

And I can see already how old I'm getting because the only thing I care to talk about is my kids. And I'm far more interested in their growth, and well-being than in any of the goings on of my peers, or social circle, which is probably also largely attributed to the friend deficit I'm suffering in New Orleans. But I guess that's just fine for me.

Let's make a love scene

2007-05-07T04:21:00.000-05:00

I’m watching City of Angels. I never get tired of this movie. Although on this viewing I realized how scandalous Meg Ryan’s character was. Seth had a perfectly good life as an angel and she set a trap to make that man be a human. Aint that some shit. Of course she didn’t know she was going to die soon, but still. How selfish. Anyway, it’s still a good movie with a really good love scene. So I’ve decided to rank my top ten love scenes in movies all time.

Honorable Mention: Love Jones- This movie only gets an honorable mention here because the Love Scene doesn’t separate itself from the rest of the movie almost so much so that it kinds of weakens it to think of it standing on its’ own. But it’s still some pretty good stuff they got going on. I mean Damn! Ol’ boy made omlets the next morning.

Jason’s Lyric- The movie was corny as hell and I hated everything Jason and Lyric had to say. There’s something about grass being stuck to Allen Payne’s butt that takes away from the romance of a movie. But there was just enough naked Jada in the forest and bare assed on the counter to give it a mention.

10. The Best Man
This one wasn’t actually a love scene so it lost a few notches. But there was some excellent camera work with all those close-ups on Monica Calhoun. And the shot where she looks back at the camera…That’s wife material.

9. The Chase
I actually used to have this movie on tape. After running into it not too long ago I realized the only thing I still liked about it was the love scene. Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson are on a Getaway as the title would suggest and they’re being pursued by the police so they go ahead and do it right there in the car driving. Major style points

8.Team America: World Police
First of all they’re puppets. That in itself is hysterical. But then they had the decency to throw in a love scene. I have never laughed so hard as the first time I saw this movie. And watching those two puppets make love might have rocked me the hardest.

7. Sanaa Lathan
Ok here I go cheating again. But don’t worry, it won’t even be the last time on this list. I mean shit…it’s Sanaa. So for her scenes in Love and Basketball, when she looks at a penis for the first time, Something new when she tries to fend off the white man, and Disappearing Acts when she takes it in the refrigerator I salute you Sanaa

6. Solaris
Soderbergh rocks. There’s something to be said for a good director. Solaris is my second favorite love scene of his ironically my second favorite Clooney one simultaneously. He weaves a story right into the middle of the scene with good Solaris music.

5. Idlewild
I didn’t like this movie nearly as much as I hoped to. The acting was terrible. But I love Outkast so hey. But the love scene was definitely worth it. Why don’t people use rain in their love scenes more often. And of course being scored to Andre’s “Take off your cool” can’t ever hurt.

4. City of Angels
This and the next appeal to me for many of the same reasons. It’s so very poetic to imagine it’s someone’s first time when it’s a couple’s first time cause it never happens. Meg Ryan is delightful to me in general so naturally I’m pleased with her as well.

3. Meet Joe Black
I thought I liked this movie, but now I realize that I probably hate it. I just like Claire Forlani and her myriad of facial expressions. And Brad Pitt’s expression are pretty amusing on what is his first go around with sex. The music was also well conceived and it changes momentum, which makes it kind of like two scenes in one.

2. Spike Lee
Another cheat here. It’s been said about Spike he doesn’t write women characters well. I disagree, but no one can foster complaints about his women boning. She’s Gotta Have it when Nola Darling takes it from the sky vantage ten different ways. School Daze when Big Brother Almightee gives it to Jane. Mo’ Betta Blues as Denzel spins Clarke around in the chair to All Blues by Miles Davis. He Got Game which involves Rosario Dawson and a rollercoaster; a recipe for success. She Hate Me, which involves all kind of great Lesbian action. And even Do the Right thing which actually doesn’t have a love scene but it’s got Rosie Perez’s bare thighs and nipples which is always a winner.

1. Out of Sight
There’s a lot of good stuff about this movie because Soderbergh knows a little something about mood. Not the least of which is when Clooney and J.Lo meet up in the bar. We actually see the events leading up to the fun without ever seeing any of the fun taking place with the best use of a voice over, perhaps ever, as they seduce each other but still try to maintain their professional ground. And it all ends with J.Lo whispering those 5 words I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear from her (or any other good looking woman I just met at a bar) “Let’s get out of here.”

Lusher Track

2007-05-01T03:40:00.001-05:00

What can I say about my kids I haven't already said? They are a remarkably talented group. They can do anything they want. And on the track they do anything they want. The sky is the limit. It was my great pleasure to coach them this year, and I look forward to the years to come I'll get to spend with them. I think my favorite part of the experience was when they called out the places and called Lusher girls as second. NOBODY cheered. As you can see on the video we were proud of our finish (which I actually believe the points were tallied wrong because they didn't recognize three wins in open events which we're looking into now) but we weren't satisfied with anything but 1st. Lusher is full of winners.

Theintrostoletyounkow

2007-04-26T00:15:00.001-05:00

The past few days I’ve been a little less motivated by music. I’ve been doing a lot of skipping past songs on my Ipod because not too many songs have kept my attention lately. Today I came across a Seal song and I realized I had been wanting to listen to Seal the past few days but didn’t know it. So I set my playlist to his songs. When I got back in my car this evening I heard the song “Bring it On” that really made me realize I like Seal. There was one song that got my attention initially, but I wasn’t sure if it was a fluke and then I decided to listen to the whole album to see. I started the album over and the beginning nearly knocked me out my seat. He starts the album off by screaming “Bring it On” at you and then he goes into the rest of his Smooth Soulful, Seal rockin ways. I ended up liking the whole album but it was the way the album started that made me feel how dynamic it was. So In that Vein I will be listing my TOP TEN WAYS TO START AN ALBUM. Ironically This song did not crack the top 10 once I sat down and listed them. Now of course I only will accept albums that are a complete body of work for submission. So even though “L.O.V.E. and U & I” on Jazzanova’s album is one of my favorite songs and really is a bomb ass way to start an album. There’s only one other good song and a bunch of filler shit which means that it isn’t up for consideration. So without further Adieu…

Honorable Mention:
E. 1999 Eternal-Bone Thugs & Harmony, Bone would have finished better but there’s 50 seconds of random chatter before the intro song starts and that always bothered me cause I have to fast forward through it.
Jilltro-Who is Jill Scott, This was a tough one. If I had a top 11 this would be there, I may regret not putting it higher later in life.
Before Today-Everything But the Girl- Album was good but just not quite good enough. And the rest of the songs really didn’t live up to this powerhouse.
Yall ain’tready Yet-Mystikal- Same situation. Initially I liked all the songs on this album but they didn’t really stand the test of time for me and there’s only one other one I really like now.
Let’s Go Crazy-Purple Rain – Another really tough cut. Maybe if they would have had more than 8 songs on the album (I don’t count Computer Blue cause I don’t like it)
Samba De Bencao- Tanto Tempo- I think this one and Jill kind of did each other a disservice because I found them in the same 20 minute span. As a combo for best intro songs discovered in a night they are a distant 1st though.
Bring Da Ruckus-Wu Tang 36 Chambers-I didn’t really like this song at first. And although it rocks the house to me now it didn’t blow me away off top.
I’ll Play the Fool-Dr Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band-If you count the Greatest hits which this is also an introduction for then it would move up but the integrity of this list would be in question if I used greatest hits (as if it isn’t already with 10 damn Honorable Mentions.
Inspiration Information-Shuggie Otis,
Find A Way-The Love Movement-Tribe Called Quest

10. I’m cheating on this one. I really like several Album beginnings by duplicate artists so those who can do it twice can get in there. Fiona Apple for Sleep to Dream/Extraordinary Machine combo, Nas for Get Down/NY State of Mind combo, and Marvin Gaye for I want you/Here My Dear combo. And Tupac for Holla if ya Hear me/Bury me a G making him our only three time participant.

9. Sweetback – Gaze-
It’s a testament to this list that this one is not higher because it’s quite a remarkable song and moved me greatly. It starts out with a thumping beat and quickly transitions into an angelic, hum by Amel Larrieux. She melodically entrances the listener throughout the song and sets the stage for this smooth sultry album.

8. The Obvious Child- Rhythm of the Saints- Paul Simon
The album is a tribute to African rhythm and song. “The Obvious Child” sets the stage with a rhythmic drum banging and soulful story told by Paul Simon then ends it on the same Drumout.

7. 10 Minute High- Groove Theory
This Album was at the listening station and I only listened because Amel’s look and beauty intrigued me. But this album taught me a lot about opening up to new things. This album was an important one in the Neo soul movement as it was one of the first with a hybrid soul/hip hop sound. This song comes in and she tells a powerful, chorusless tale of drug abuse that doesn’t let up.

6. Ambitionz as a Ridah- All Eyez on Me-Tupac
This was a long anticipated album for me because Tupac was and is for me the Essence of rap. This album came out in the Spring of my Senior year which is probably one of the best periods of my celebrated life, so in some ways this is the soundtrack to that era. Even though life has provided it’s share of letdowns for things I greatly anticipated. I knew this album would live up to my expectations as soon as I heard “I won’t deny it, I’m a straight Rydah, you don’t want to fuck with me!”

5. The Buzzard Song- Porgy and Bess- Miles Davis
This song could be on the alarm clock for anyone with a sleeping disorder. The horns come out screaming and then die down into the melody which continues to build and dip. It’s hard not to let the overall beauty of an album affect my decision making in this list but I think this song gets extra points for setting the stage for a remarkable masterpiece.

4 Bathtub-Doggystyle-Snoop
Before I knew who Curtis Mayfield was I knew his smooth sound thanks to this intro. This classic came out right around the time of Menace 2 Society which was the pinnacle of my infatuation with the West Coast. I wanted to be everything about this bathtub intro except for the being Snoop. Although I did want his smooth non-chalant speak.

3. Outkast-
I’m cheating again here. This is another combo hitter because I can’t differentiate between which intro I like best from these cats. There’s so many and they rock so hard, much harder than honorable mention worthiness. From their very first Peaches intro leading into myintrotoletyouknow, You may die, Hold on Be Strong, and on into the new era of Outkast music. They always bring you in the right way.

2. Midnight Marauders Tour Guide-A Tribe Called Quest
This was probably the most difficult, whether this was 2 or 1. At first there was no question until I thought about it and this is easily the best intro EVER. I modeled it several times for creative works of my own. It’s a combination of a song Aquarius by Cal Tjader and this chick talking me through the Tribe experience. Then they go and sample it and use it as an interlude through the rest of the album. As I think about it right now it’s moving into the number one slot so let me get to 1 before it changes.

1. Love is Stronger than Pride-Sade

This song literally changed my life. My favorite artist, my favorite album and my favorite song and it all starts right here. And I’m sure in no small part, the fact I was staring, lovingly at Sade while listening affected my experience. I can still remember as clearly as the basketball game I just watched, and more clearly than half the things that happened to me last week, 15 years ago as a 13 year old boy when I put this album on the record player. When Sade’s perfect voice came in “I won’t pretend…” I KNEW ( I mean that) my life would never be the same from that point on. And then the song had the nerve to get better. I wanted to share it with the rest of the world cause I was certain not too many people knew of this song, or else there would have to be World peace. Why would anyone not want to be alive when music like this exists. If life were as absolutely perfect as this song I would be married to Lark Voorhies and Stacey Dash, and the three of us would be immortal. It’s not a happy song lyrically, but it lifts me and is the standard by which I judged Gaze by Sweetback. And the lyrics, though melancholy, Have never been spoken truer. It almost deserves it’s own album.

The Art of Misogyny

2007-04-22T21:15:00.000-05:00

Well as usual the blogs have managed to get me in a debate although this person and I are friends already so I doubt it will have the same outcome. The original blog written was an introduction to a movement some women at Spellman had started because they didn’t want Nelly performing at an on campus event due to the degrading content towards women in his songs. Yje following is the sequence of responses between the blog’s author and I.

Me:
I remember when I was younger before I understood the way the world works (as if I do now...) I wondered how girls could like/support songs where they were referred to as bitches, etc. I'm not sure what conclusion I came to, but I think it was along the lines of it doesn't really matter. Now seeing it here I try to put myself in the shoes of the woman again. The closest way I could think of is to have someone saying something degrading about black people in a popular song. While it might bother some black people if it happened I realized the reason this doesn't happen anymore is because the masses of white people don't want to be outwardly racist, or don't want to believe that they are racist. I say that to demonstrate that the reason these songs ARE popular is because it IS ok to be misogynistic...But it is NOT ok to be misogynistic because the songs are popular. It's like when television gets blamed for real life violence when actually the converse of it is true. People can say all they want that the images on TV or in songs are contributing to the deterioration of society but the fact is society has always been both violent and misogynistic and people will learn these traits from their socialization regardless of the medium. So the question is what do these women really want? Gender sensitive song lyrics, or social change? If they want social change then they need to start some day care centers, or good parenting workshops because changing all the song lyrics in the world wouldn't change the way men and women lack respect for women. That being said I guess it is also reasonable to assume their goal is not social change and they really just don't want to listen to songs degrading women in which case more power to them.

Michelle:
And in WHOSE world is it okay to be mysogonistic? Most men know that the majority of females wouldn't be won using the same attitude that artist demonstrate in their lyrics...which is why they wanna play that Luther when they are trying to ROMANCE yo ass and that Too Short when they are trying to impress their boys
But seriously...perhaps when it comes to the young ones not being shown functional relationships at home and soaking up these lyrics it is acceptable or "ok" to be mysogonistic (part of my enthusiasm for this movement, actually)...but as for the rest of us grown folks with some sense....I think you know better.
As for those of us without sense...well, we're workin on them...both on AND off the dance floor, thank you very much.

I'm not sure why you think this is a reasonable OR safe assumption....
Why in the BLUE HELL would a bunch of women who are gonna let some man disrespect them in deed or words in person go so far as to stop dancing at the club when the music that does the same comes on? That would make NO SENSE hon...NONE....but if that's what you want to assume...then suit yourself...you know what they say about assumptions though......

THAT being said, I also don't see how women showing through action that the lyrics that demonstrate the behavior (mysogony) aren't acceptable can be classified as not doing anything to change the social behavior. We all know the power of music...people dance to it and take it in stride because they think its okay. Women not dancing to it, or better yet, women and men who want the social change that IS taking place slowly but surely to be reflected in the music, I would think, are also letting people know that the behavior itself is unacceptable...or at least that's the change I see happening. I mean, what do you think will happen when the mass of people leaves the dance floor...you don't think that anyone will ask why? You don't think this will begin the conversation that needs to occur within the community? You don't think that conversation would provoke any change in behavior in the people whose eyes could/will be opened by it?
For example, why wouldn't the lady who stopped dancing (or witnessed a group of women stop dancing and upon further reflection come to the conclusion that she agrees) be the same one who said "don't call me that" when a man she knows says the word "bitch" to her? I don't get why you think the two issues/situations wouldn't go hand in hand.

Me:
I’ll address these points as you mentioned them in your response.

“And in WHOSE world is it okay to be mysogonistic? Most men know that the majority of females wouldn't be won using the same attitude that artist demonstrate in their lyrics...”

Sadly, precious, it’s ok to be that way in the world we both live in. I’m not sure what impression you’ve gotten from the women you’re sharing the world with but I believe you may be projecting your own standards and ideals onto other women. But the majority of women are more interested in status and security than they are flowers and candy. One would have to be pretty naïve to think that the best way to get with a woman is being nice to her. Nice guys finish last is not just a cliché. I mean, honestly if you put Jay-Z in a room, a man who has referred to women as bitches (although sometimes with the disclaimer he is not referencing all women) has had them in his videos wearing bikinis about 20 times more often than he’s had them speaking, Whose made songs about his inability at fidelity, and who definitely isn’t in any woman’s top ten because of his physical appearance but who “Last year grossed 38 mil” and who we see on TV or radio 10 times a day minimum they would instantaneously choose him over a man with a stable but not exorbitant income as an obscure teacher even if he was more attractive and had a reputation as being a sweet guy. And to be honest I don’t think most people would agree, but I believe the comparison still works on a level where the men are more similarly comparable economically and statuswise if the difference between them is that one man is a “Nice guy” and the other guy is an asshole.

“Why in the BLUE HELL would a bunch of women who are gonna let some man disrespect them in deed or words in person go so far as to stop dancing at the club when the music that does the same comes on?”

I’m not sure you understood what I was trying to say here. I never suggested that these women are being degraded. I was speaking of the women that are starting the movement. And I was saying it’s reasonable to assume that they aren’t concerned about social change and just want quality music on the radio. If there were music where it became ok for white people to say nigger in their songs I would surely not support the music but I know there are white people still using the word and I’m not out sitting in on restaurants. I don’t concern myself with the misunderstandings of ignorant people I just keep them out of my world. So I was saying maybe that’s what these women want, but I wasn’t at all suggesting that they are being degraded, especially since I don’t know any of them.

“I also don't see how women showing through action that the lyrics that demonstrate the behavior (mysogony) aren't acceptable can be classified as not doing anything to change the social behavior…I mean, what do you think will happen when the mass of people leaves the dance floor...you don't think that anyone will ask why?”

I didn’t say that these women weren’t doing anything to change social behavior. I said that if that is their goal they’re going about it the wrong way. There are way more effective ways to bring about a social change. Because, actually, I don’t believe that it would be enough to eliminate misogyny from our music. Like I said in the first response it was here long before there was music or television. It’s the way we raise our children. I mean the basic fundamentals of most religion teach women to be subservient to men, which, I understand is not the same, but I submit contributes more to a woman feeling her role is inferior to a man’s than the afore mentioned Jay-Z rap song. Do you think that something a man or woman hears in a rap song at 15 is going to affect them more than something their parents have taught to them since they were 3 or 4?

Lusher track pictures from Trafton meet

2007-04-19T04:03:00.000-05:00

Track Team members

Alex Smiles big after 4x400 boys finish first.

Like a true champion he extends a helping hand to those he has dominated

Look at all that speed

Talmon hands off to Adam in Distance Medley

Sydney hands off to the anchor, Emily in girls distance medley

It’s just not fair…our girls are the prettiest and the fastest.

Brandon Scott hands off to Al in Sprint Medley

Sydney running strong in the 4x400

Talmon running hard

Marga hands off to Haley in 4x800

Peter running 1600 in distance medley

Lusher track team and field participants with Lusher dancers represented

and again…

Brandon hands off to Adrian in boys 4x200

Coach Landrum and the boys 4x400 team wondering if anyone at that meet can hang with “the L”

Awwwww, teammates 4ever!!!

Coach strategizing again

Kiersten, You feeling fast?

Kelsey hands off to Ariana in girls 4x200

Josh setting the pace in boys 4x100

Haley cruising in girls 4x800

then letting Marga handle up on them

Girls 4x800 team the calm before the storm

Giani hands off to Haley after her leg on 4x400

then gets some post run coaching

meanwhile Haley hands to Syd to finish the job

Emily…still smooth

Dante giving it his last breath in boys 4x4

Sydney hands off to Emily anchoring in Distance medley

Then we flip it on em for girls 4x800

Aaron hands off to Peter in boys 4x800

Coach Smith and a couple of the 4x400 girls

Giani, Daisy, and Amanda watch their team mates in between their heats

Charisse anchoring in the sprint Medley

Victory doesn’t come without sacrafice

Coach Smith

Daisy hands off to Giani in girls 4x400

Brennan coming down the stretch looking for Aaron in boys 4x800

Brandon Addison ready to blast off in boys sprint medley

Ariana lollygagging

Al “Ru” ready to spring

Amanda finishing off the competition in the 4x100

And again in 4x200 notice there’s no one else in the picture…

Al gunning em down at the end of the boys 4x200

Aaron hands off to Adrian in 4x400

Talmon and Adam teaming up on boys 4x800

Girls 4x800 team show that eating right leads to endurance

The Captain

Lusher Track 2007

An Evening with Toni Morrison

2007-04-12T21:34:00.000-05:00

I'm aware the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm aware that just cause I have preferences that doesn't make them other people's priorities. I have no illusions of my value as it relates to other people. I learned long ago about holding people on a pedestal. And I've come to terms with it. While I still aspire to make an impression on the people who I admire and have influenced me I've also accepted that I don't always get what I want. So going into this evening I already knew that Toni Morrison was more likely to slap me than to smile at me if I were to try to take a minute of her time. I'm not saying that in a critical way either. From her perspective I'm sure she's weary of adulation and fans. I'm sure she just wants to get writing. Possibly she thrives off it and the sense of empowerment. Or maybe she holds us in contempt for being beneath her. Who knows? I'm not trying to hold her accountable for whatever feeling she might have about me as a fan. She's brilliant and my favorite fiction author nontheless. And so to be slighted by her would have left no mark, even though to be greeted by her would have lifted me. But that's the thing about life. If you think you have all the answers that just means you don't have all the questions.

I walked into the reception hall where Tulane was hosting her, Song of Solomon in hand, not really knowing what the agenda was as far as her stay, but brimming with excitement to share space with her. I meandered around a bit waving at my dad's colleagues, saying hi to people I know. By the time I realized she was sitting in the room already I had already said hi to everyon I cared to and was left basically idle. My mom left to go say hi to the woman, and I stood by waiting for an opportunity to tell her that Song of Solomon as well as her writing in other books had changed my life. Not so much anxious, as careful. I knew she was not so hot on the adoration of strangers, but I wanted her to know anyway. One of my dad's friends suggested that I come along with her to take a picture. I was apprehensive but I wasn't sure if the woman had already made friendly with Toni or not so I went along anyway. When I got over there my mother was already engaging Toni talking about how disappointed my sister was to not be here. She said Saia would have wanted to take a picture with her and then something else I couldn't really make out because I already knew where she was going, which was to the effect of my son wants to take one, and I was already sizing up the physical response before her lips curled in a forced smile, and condescendingly moved to say.

"Ok, not while I'm eating."

And it was simple and there was only a very subtle tone or attitude, and there was no disrespect intended, but it shook me.
My mom with a hard chin and tough skin brushed the comment away as if it never existed, or as if were she to move me from the situation quickly enough it would cease to exist.

And it hurt.

Not because I felt rejected, because she had never even turned to look at me. But because I felt like it might have hurt my mom to think I might have been hurt to be rejected. Which I don't know because I suspect my mom has gotten so good at deflecting negativity, and rudeness she probably doesn't even internalize things like that from sources that she doesn't paticularly care for. Which isn't to say that my mom is indifferent to, or dislikes Toni Morrison. But she's a bigger Stephen King fan. I think her only real connection to Toni is that the rest of her family likes her so much. So I'm sure my mom couldn't care less what the woman's personal feelings are, but my interpretation of her trying to protect me or feeling like she had to burned. I'm strong. And I can handle being shunned aside. But what I didn't realize I couldn't handle was my mom being scared I might not be able to handle it. And I don't care if Michael Jordan, and Toni Morrison have a baby who is the second coming of Christ, He needs to watch his tongue cause if I have a problem with the way someone talks to my mom then we have nothing to talk about. Like any man with baggage you only get to hurt him one time, be it directly or indirectly, but once he moves on, he's a dog. And like I said earlier, She is who I thought she was, and I already knew that. So I'm certainly not trying to attribute blame, or say it was inappropriate in anyway for her to not want to refuse a request (even though she certainly took more than several pictures with others while she was eating). It's not my place to villanize her for doing what she wants to do. And I'm sure there will be a time when I similarly am disinterested in someone's feelings for the sake of my own. But I quickly made it my buisness to avoid being asked to be in a picture with her, and I walked downstairs to the car to put my book back because I didn't want her autograph. I will forever be moved and motivated by her writing, but simultaneously will not long for her approval or affection. And the space on this blog where there would normaly be a photgraph will remain blank along with the space in my book where she won't get to write "To: Gian From: Toni, Keep your pen to the paper."

On the brighter side I did get to meet another personal hero of mine, Phyllis Montana Leblanc. Pictures to come soon.

Lusher just Rocks way Harder than Everyone Else

2007-04-05T07:34:00.000-05:00

As a coach you alway want your players to perform well. But performance depends on talent level, so the only thing you can ever demand is maximum effort. Most of the time you know you won't get it, but with good preparedness and talent if you can get what you can out of them you've done your job well. My basketball team made me proud because when they had to, their effort matched their talent level, and they gave their best effort in the championship round. But never have I seen a team try harder for themselves and their teamates as I did today.Now it's not just the fact that we whipped up on everybody we faced. My boys had 2 first and 2 second place finishes, and my girls had one second place finish and 5 first place finishes!!! But even more important than that was that EVERY SINGLE ONE of my runners ran as hard as they could. And I'm not exaggerating. We had 30 different people out there between the events and everyone ran hard. We had some very gutsy performances. Track is about conditioning plus talent plus will power. Our will power was maxed out. We were dozens of meters in front of the competition and still running our hardest on the girls side. Conversely on the boys side we would be step to step with the opponent and pushing ourselves to the next leg in the relay or to the tape. We had two come from behind finishes where we won by just a step because every leg of the relay did what they had to do and all they could do. I'm just going on and on about this but I have never been so proud as I was today. This is easily my favorite day of 2007 and will be hard to top. All I could think of on the bus ride home was the pain in my kids faces as they strained their way to the finish line, or the grace in which they dusted the competition. And I couldn't stop smiling. Ear to ear grinning as I thought about each of them individualy. The smile widening as I took turns in my head with them. One after the other, and most importantly every single one. Lusher just rocks way harder than everyone else!

The Great Hair Caper

2007-03-01T17:55:00.000-06:00

I live a damn good life. I’ve been blessed with so many things and luckily one of them was enough bad things happening to make me appreciate I’m not promised anything and only something divine could make me this blessed. So every morning now I wake up with a smile on my face and give thanks. The least of which I give thanks for is that I was born a man. A couple of weeks ago I had a lot of responsibility, for me anyway, in terms of getting ready for Zulu ball.

I had to get a haircut – 20 min
I had to rent a tux – 30 min
I had to clear out my Friday night schedule – 0 min. luckily it was a Friday night and the schedule happens to always be clear

That’s three activities and 50 minutes out of my week. Well, the haircut doesn’t really count cause I would have gotten that anyway, but still. It’s certainly one more thing than I have to do on a regular week. Apparently women see a man catching/stunting on other women opportunity, like Zulu ball as something a little different. I was summoned by Jenn
early on in the week to make myself available to bring her to a hair appointment on Friday for 1. Since I don’t get out the bed til 2 this was kind of a big deal, but then again a what’s more of a big deal than a woman’s hair appointment? I’ll tell you…a woman missing her hair appointment. We got to the destination where the hair appointment was supposed to be and let Jenn out. Then Kibwe and I went to kill time at Baskin Robbins. About 3 minutes after getting there we got a very frantic call from Jenn. Post Katrina New Orleans had struck again because the shop had moved and was not within a reachable distance in reasonable time. Kibwe, Jenn, and I sat GRUELINGLY (Jenn sat gruelingly, Kibwe and I sat giddily) over Daiquiri Ice and Ice cream RACKING (by racking I mean Jenn was and me and Kibwe made fun of her) our brains to try and get Jenn a last minute hair appointment. You see, she had a backless dress, which OBVIOUSLY (by obviously I mean not at all obvious) meant she needed an up-do. She raced through her phone log trying to see what place could take her last minute. I realized Jenn had listings of hair places the way I have listings of Chinese food restaurants, or girls whose number I put in my phone and can’t remember who they are. All seemed lost when God smiled on us and a miracle call came through from Mysheka that Aveda spa had an opening at 2. I was all for it because Mysheka’s friend Erica worked there and she happens to have a face like an angel and the body of a devil. But we were up against the clock. It was already 20 til 2 and although the spa was located uptown where we already were for some reason around Mardi Gras people like to drive more than normally so there would be obstacles between BR and Aveda. We set off on our quest and our first test was this stupid ambulance that came roaring behind us. This obnoxious bastard had his lights going and his siren sounding and all this hoopla probably over a silly heart attack or gun shot wound. I guess he didn’t know we had a serious emergency in our car. But being the good Christian I am I selflessly let him pass first. Back on the road we encountered a little congestion at an intersection on Prytania. I’m not sure if it was a 4 way stop sign or what because time wouldn’t permit me to investigate but I had to jump a few cars in position. One passerby happened to have his window open so I explained that the young lady in the back needed and up-do, to which he nodded UNDERSTANDINGLY (he probably didn’t hear a word I was saying) Finally, against all odds we reached Aveda. I must admit Kibwe and I did learn a lot from the experience. It seems, among other things, it is appropriate to put aluminum foil, magnets, mirrors, and various toxins into a woman’s hair to get it to do what it’s supposed to. Kibwe and I stood ANXIOUSLY (indifferently) awaiting our princess and her grand exit with her new, glorious up-do. When she stepped from the back she was magnificent and her UP-DO WAS SOMETHING TO BE CHERISHED (It seemed like the kind of thing she could have done with a few bobby pins and some pink oil moisturizer) I think we all learned a little something that day about things like fate, destiny and of course blessings. But all we could do was be thankful our queen was ready for her ball.

G.I. Jared

2007-02-22T19:09:00.000-06:00

Jared Williams is my hero. This is not nearly the first time I’ve remarked that sentiment. Usually, I’m referring to some dastardly deed he’s done with a chick, or something about his great attitude and it’s merely reverence for the sake of expressing how cool that is. Usually, this statement would be followed by chagrin from Shaneika or Jamylah. But this time I mean it. He’s a fighter pilot in the Navy, which still never really sinks in the way it does when you meet someone and the way you think of them is by their job title. I’ve known Jared since first grade and nothing about him between age six and 21 said pilot or Navy. Kibwe also happens to be in the Navy and although nothing about him says Navy I’ve kind of accepted that a little bit. Kibwe and Jared get to talking about protocol and IA and all kinds of Navy talk that means nothing to me, until they move to discussion of people being shipped out. Apparently there was threat of Jared being called back into duty on the frontlines again.

***** Vote Obama*****

I’m not sure how the transition happened. We were talking about his missile evasion tactics, and I asked him if he ever almost got hit.

“Let me tell you about the worst day of my life.”

I thought back to the worst day of my life. And never, not once was there a threat of death. Basically the story goes, he was a crew leader for this group of pilots that were set to take off and do whatever pilots do. So some “intel” (notice my knowledge of military jargon) came in that whoever the bad guys were in this scenario had some kind of super, heat seeking missile something or other. And there is a name for it, which involves a sequence of numbers and letters, which I don’t know the order of, but are code for INSTANT DEATH. This relates to him because the “intel” said that they (bad guys, i.e. not Americans) were going to shoot down the next plane that took off, which of course with Jared being the crew leader, was our hero. On the spot Jared was forced into some tough decisions. Among them was “should I tell the rest of my crew?” “Is there any way to avoid this?” “How many Hail Mary’s is adequate for repentance?” None of the questions was “where is the nearest hole I can hide in?” He continued his story with “…but we had to take off…” Which at the time all I could think was “Why the fuck do you HAVE to do anything but stay black and avoid dying?” And I thought for a second well I guess if the bad guys know that sending scary “intel” will turn us into cowards they can just flood the intelligence community with it and win the war by default. And there are probably 50 other reasons I can’t think of why on the “Big picture” scale he should just fly. Apparently there was no choice to be made about that and all that was left was to accept that he was about to die.

*****Vote Obama*****

First off, I am a coward. There is an area of this city I won’t drive through without looking over my shoulder…Outside. I’m scared to death of death. I can’t handle 26 consecutive hours of jail without finding my God. But there’s no way on earth I’m dying for nothing. Maybe George Bush is smarter than me. Maybe there are things that I just don’t need to know. Maybe if I knew just how close we were to being on the brink of terror at our front door and war was the only way to keep it contained, I would appreciate him sending all these black people to die for me. But from my perspective, I’ve lived a long fruitful life of non-aggression, which has kept me out of plenty physical confrontations, but plenty of good spirits. Some people would rather be feared than loved I guess. But if I’m Jared Williams I’m not taking it for the squad so George can role play being Scarface. If I’m about to die I better know there will be a damn good explanation coming through that radio on the way down. They would get a boldfaced no from me. Well, after making his peace with God he decides he’s going to try some different kind of takeoff maneuver than the one they typically do. Needless to say he survived and told me this story earlier this week. Sorry if that was anti-climactic for any of you without personal ties to Jared. Apparently, it has revolutionized the way pilots takeoff now, and Jared feels, and I agree, the maneuver should be named after him. He doesn’t know if that actually saved his life or not, and I’m sure he doesn’t so much care. I can honestly say that Jared’s a better man than me, and I’m proud of him for it. I’ve become a hero myself in recent days. I saved my friend Miles from going to Jail the other day when he was about to get into a verbal altercation with one of those typical New Orleans policemen with the chip on their shoulder and a judicious nightstick. I stopped two friends of mine who were about to get into a bar fight with each other one day. One of them clearly wanted no part of it but didn’t have a way to get out of it without seeming like the biggest pussy in the world. The other friend had a bottle concealed in his hand, a bad temper, plenty of angst, and a strong distaste for the other guy. I’ve been playing a lot of big brother lately for heartbroken girl friends of mine. I could go on listing all the great, hero-like, things I do every day, and don’t worry, we’ll get back to that in a future blog, but I damn sure ain’t bout to die for none of that bullshit. Jared Williams is a man who would and will die for his cause. And you know, I guess people do this on a daily basis God bless em. I happen not to be friends with any of them so sorry if you’re slighted by not being included in this blog. But I guess what I’m really trying to say is…Fuck George Bush. Had to get that out before that bill passes outlawing political rants on blogs.

*****Vote Obama*****

Zulu Ball 2007

2007-02-17T14:33:00.000-06:00

I’m not much of a socialite, I just know how to play that role. So I never had much interest in Zulu ball. To me it was a place my mom and dad went on Fridays sometimes, which meant I was definitely getting McDonald’s before they dropped me off at one of my Grandmother’s houses. Then when I got old enough to somewhat understand I still never really longed to go because it involved wearing a tuxedo. But this year I made the decision to see what the hoopla was all about. And besides the fact I could have gotten in with a suit and for without the ticket I had to get my friend to get for me since they didn’t even check me when I came through the door, or the hour and a half I spent in traffic trying to circumvent a parade it was pretty good. It’s always nice to see black people having fun and dressed up, and they were nothing short of fabulous. It must have been fun because I was in there til 4 am and it seemed like midnight. Anyway, here’s some documentation of my good time.

MmmmHmmm.

The Parents

Me and Jen

Me and Rachel

me and Tiff

It’s hard to believe myself sometimes

me and Ayanna

me and BJ

me and Jared Williams

Me Jarett, and Ryan

me and Kenya Rounds

me, Moses, and Jarett, half of Mcmain 96 basketball team

me and Mysheka

Me and Tiff again

me and Talicia

True

It’s not as easy as it looks
Tiff and Jenn

Jenn showing off the crisis avoiding updo she needed for this backless dress.

Two in a weekend

2007-02-04T23:44:00.000-06:00

I know how he feels.
Last year when I lifted my own peronal monkey off my back by winning the basketball championship for intramuras and then following it up with the football championship two days later, I got another two for weekend as my 8th graders ran away with the championship and now my Colts finally are vindicated. And once again I'm vindicated. Never again will I have to entertain people's cries of Tom Brady being a better quarterback, as their only argument for him being better was that "Peyton can't win the big game." The legacy of Tom Brady can now be put in it's proper place which is NOT the best quarterback of his era. I remember when as an 8th grader after watching Jordan beat the Lakers in the finals I felt as if all the cheering and dedication to Jordan and the Bulls had finally paid off. Well the three years watching Jordan lose to the Pistons were not nearly as frustrating as watching Peyton and the Colts go down in the playoffs so many times, so many ways. Meanwhile, Tom Brady held up trophies that were rightfully Peyton's. There was rarely a doubt in my mind this playoffs. I invested a lot of money fantasy-football wise in a Colts Saints superbowl that didn't come to fruition, but came close enough to make me the money. Even after the kickoff and the interception when Saia called talking that mess about me feeling sick there was no doubt that the Colts could pick it up. And after Reggie's house,
with his Josephine Johnny to follow, I knew we were good. Now it's time for Peyton to put a Jordan like stamp on the league by dominating the championship round for the rest of his career (save a Jordan like, two year hiatus, where the Saints step in and handle up) and forever putting to rest any comparrison talk of him and any other football player ever. If only I can get Steve Smith on his team or on the Saints so my man can get himself a ring in there too. In the meantime Dungy rocks (and his wife rocks harder), black people are cool, and Peyton is on top.

Go Lusher Lions

2007-02-03T21:35:00.000-06:00

Our tournament started yesterday evening when we met Trinity in the first round of the playoffs. We quickly put them away getting out early with Andrew leading the way. The game was well out of hand for most of the way so we advanced to the semi-finals Saturday morning where we would meet Kehoe France in the first round. Again Lusher jumped out to a huge advantage as we opened the quarter 14-0. A desperation three pointer proved to be the only points Kehoe would score. Kehoe slowly ground their way back in as our starters rested preparing for the game to come. But they didn't have enough to over come the lead we built and we held on to find ourselves in the championship game where we would play Christian Brithers, our bitter rival. Our sixth grade team had already lost in the championship game to CBS earlier in the week. And we would be facing the same players who had defeated us last time we were on a basketball court playing for the championship two years ago. The test proved enough to focus the group as we jumped out to a big 17-0 advantage. Deja Vu struck as again the only score we allowed in the first quarter was a hail mary three that drained in. But that was basically as close as Christian Brothers would get. Alex Soraparu,

the game's MVP, led the way with 17 points 14 rebounds and 4 blocked shots. The team captains,

Adrian Womack and Andrew Lagarde's, stifling defense overwhelmed the undersized Christian Borthers back court. Kyle Keller controlled the pace of the game and hit timely big shots to stretch the lead. Every player contributed in the championship as Lusher charged to a victory that left no doubt about the Lusher Lions.

(left to right) top: Coach/Athletic director Louis Landrum, Coach Gian Balsimo, Alex, Aaron, Adrian, Connor, Coach Gian Smith
middle: Blake, Brandon Addison, Justin, Michael, Jesse, Andrew, Steven, Brandon Scott, Kyle, Alfred
bottom: Jon, Louis Landrum jr.

Chidren of Men

2007-02-03T04:10:00.000-06:00

So I finally made it to the movies to see this cause I'm sure next week they'll be shipping it out for some trash. Now I haven't and don't intend on seeing "The Messenger" But anyone who wanted scares and thrills was in the wrong theatre if that was their choice. I actually had a completely different idea of what the movie would be like. I took the title too literally and thought it was a sci-fi movie about men giving birth to children. Nevertheless, I was thoroughly impressed. This was the best movie I've seen this year which isn't saying much because the only movie I can remember seeing this year is Smokin Aces which wasn't as bad as I thought it might be and Stomp the Yard which I'll get to in a sec. Without spoiling any of the movie it was incredibly directed. The story itself wasn't really that big of a deal. Take some "84", add a spice of "the nativity story" and you've got the script. But it was shot and directed like a combination of Saving Private Ryan with the intimacy of the Blair Witch Project. And there was an incredibly mvoing scene which I also will digress to mention near the end where the world actually stopped for a second. The end left something to be desired. There was a journey to a place we never got to see and never really understand why it's so important to get there. But a movie like this which is making a statement probably wanted to at least sell enough seats to keep it's investors happy. There aren't too many people budgeting millions of dollars for art these days.

That being said "Stomp the Yard" might be the anti-mid life crisis for me. I've never been as happy to be getting old as I was when I walked out of that theater. I have no reservations about spoiling the plot here because it's the same one they used for Drumline except scriptually inferior if you can imagine that. Drumline I liked, even in it's audacity, making a freshman BMOC, and winning over the hottest chic, with the most going for her at the school. But there was no charm in this movie. It wanted to do too much and didn't spend enough time doing any of it. Probably because they needed extra time for the slow-mo shots of dance moves that I still managed not to comprehend. Then there were various dance-offs where people would girate violently at each other and, for some indecipherable reason to me, on ocassion, I guess the only fitting word here is "serve" the opponent. This movie needed a handbook so I could understand exactly how to differentiate from these moves. I had and still have no idea how they were winners. At the end he does an elbow slide and I don't know why but after that "It wasn't on" anymore.
At a certain point in the movie the chapter presidents of the two major frats on campus are bidding for this dudes services. One frat goes so far as to have some of it's brothers do yardwork for this dude. YEAH RIGHT! Then there's like 35 dudes between the two frats, but only 6 of them have any lines. And all the communicating is done between them, even though half of them are new pledges who've ascended to the ranks already. Meagan Goode is what we thought she was as Dennis Green would say. In a world where Spike Lee makes a great movie like School Daze that still only grazes the surface of black college life this movie should be ashamed of it's own existence. It's easily the worst movie I've seen since "The Brothers."

Go Saints

2007-01-22T05:25:00.000-06:00

On a day like this I can only smile. There’s so much to look forward to, and so much to appreciate in the present. By the end of the Saints-Bears game I was ready to throw something. And by the time Peyton Manning was intercepted for a touchdown I was ready to swear off football forever AGAIN. A bears Patriots Superbowl is the kind of thing that would make me want to move to Brazil where soccer is the only thing that matters. But my boys came through. Well, half my boys came through. I watched as Peyton walked the Colts down the field avoiding turnovers, pressure, or the monkey on his back trying to bring him down. Overcoming an 18 point deficit to take the lead I could only think of my nervous breakdown to come if they lost this one in the last minute. But as Tom Brady was intercepted on second down I nearly brought the house down with my neighborhood, awakening scream. What sweet vindication. Not only did Peyton take them to the Superbowl, but he went uphill through Brady and Belichick. I’ve never grown to detest any man as much as I do Brady. And it’s all because they talk shit about Peyton not being able to win big games and that’s why Brady is the best blah, blah, blah. Fuck Tom Brady. He hasn’t won a motherfucking thing. Adam Vinatieri and a tough Defense won those games. All he did was not screw it up. And today when he had to play the role of Peyton Manning and try to win it by himself what happened? Interception, game over. I can’t stress Fuck Tom Brady enough. At any rate my heart is fluttering right now at the thought of seeing Manning take the field in Superbowl XLI. Not to sound unaffected by the Saints loss. I honestly felt the Saints would beat the Bears. There was little doubt in my mind, even when they went down 9-0. However, when they went down 16 – 0 that was different. They battled back to close within 2 and had a chance to take the lead were it not for a questionable decision to send a kicker who was cut last year by the Cowboys for Mike Vanderjagt of all people instead of the guy who’s been kicking all year. Either way the Saints had there chances and the Bears are who we thought they were as Sheike would say. They deserve to come out of the NFC. But I am left with great hope and optimism that I’ve never felt before. Never at the end of any season have I ever felt like the Saints would assuredly be playing in the Superbowl in the season to follow until now. These ain’t ya mama ‘nem Saints. They play hard and they will show up. Soon as we replace Fred Thomas garbage ass and come back next year a little hungrier with a full season of impact Reggie Bush, we will be on our homefield playing for the right to go to the Superbowl. Honestly when this season started if someone would have guaranteed me a 8-8 season with a second place finish in the Division I would have jumped on that. I thought with the Saints defensive problems there was no way we would be as competitive as we were. But we fell a quarter short of the Superbowl…beyond my wildest imagination. Hopefully Peyton gets his ring out of the way this year, cause the Saints will be acting up for a while!

I Hate Lost

2007-01-04T17:08:00.000-06:00

I feel like the Dharma Initiative is a project by the head television executives to see how long America will continue to watch a TV show without a plot. I just recently started watching season 2 on DVD. I don’t watch too much TV as it is, so I joined the LOST bandwagon pretty late. I was visiting Kibwe in Chicago around November of last year when he introduced me to the show. I watched the first pilot and I was sold. I quickly went through the entire first two discs of season one wanting more. On the way to the airport to leave Chicago I got off the train at a Blockbuster so I could stop and buy the first season so I could watch it on the plane. This is the kind of impact we’re talking here. I went through the first season in a couple of days, unfortunately season 2 had already started so all I could do was read about the episodes that had already passed to catch up. Then I just opted completely out of watching, deciding instead to wait for season 2 on DVD. The more I watch, the more I get frustrated and thus uninterested. I’ve never seen anything, TV, Book, Movie, etc in my life that only offers questions where there should be answers. I mean seriously, can anyone tell me what the plot of this show is? They continually give us reasons to believe that they are supposed to be there, or they aren’t, or both. Who the fuck knows? They have never answered any of my questions. Why are there animals on the island? Why does the island heal people? Why are they all connected? What the fuck is the dharma initiative? They’ve got through the third season to figure something out. But if they try to push me any further with this I will be getting LOST.

In other news, I tread upon some old waters today, and it was kind of cool, in a nostalgic kind of way. I’ve spent a lot of time lamenting the fact that I have severely limited options as far as dating is concerned for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s “I hate girls” sometimes it’s “The system is flawed” sometimes it’s “There are no choices” “I’m better off without it” etc. So many excuses I’ve found for not dating. It was quite interesting to me to find a new one, which is actually a pretty old one.

So there’s this girl Cana who I used to date a while back. I’ve talked about her once on this blog, maybe twice. I never really talked too much about her because her significance kind of took a backseat to the young lady she was directly in the shadow of. She was the first girl I dated after what was my most significant relationship. And as wonderful as Cana was there was always going to be a cap on our situation for no other reason than she couldn’t compare to what preceded her. As it turns out there were some other issues as well. She was kind of a downer because she had a hard life. There was certainly no shortage of love in her life, but she had the usual self-esteem problems as well as some physical ailments. And then there was an occasional outside influence which were usually the only things I would hear about when I talked to her one on one. There was always that sigh in her voice before she’d start telling me how the world was weighing down on her. And I was at a point where I was trying to escape bad feelings because I was often plagued by my own concerning my previous breakup. Then the other problem was I didn’t like her natural smell. She is a clean girl, bathes every night, deoderizes etc. She certainly doesn’t smell bad. But for me I have this certain animal attraction to some and then not to others. And there was something about the way she smelled that just kind of turned me off. Honestly it might have had a lot to do with the fact that Chanda’s natural smell was so pleasant to me. It may have been the bitter sting of my nostrils knowing which girl it wasn’t. But I never felt like I wanted to breathe her in. So for all these reasons we never exceeded dating. Which really wasn’t a problem for either of us. She too was fresh out of a very significant relationship. She too needed time and space but affection. It definitely worked well for both of us while it did. When we finally stopped seeing each other it had just sort of died out and we went our separate romantic ways. I fell out of that situation with nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for her. Cana is a beautiful girl, neutral or smiling. I mean a face like a fucking angel.
She’s amazingly caring. I’ve rarely met someone so nurturing. Her and her sister would come over and clean for us against our wishes. She’s so receptive and available. Our friends hung out with her and her sister quite frequently. Sometimes we would call them at 3 in the morning from Rome’s house and tell them we were coming to get them to go get donuts and hang out. They would pop up without hesitation to join us. Not cause they were smitten by us, like some girls who liked our style or our fancy words or confidence. But they were just genuinely good friends who were available to their friends and appreciated us as much as we appreciated them. Of all the women I’ve been with I’ve always felt and said that if I had to choose among them to be a wife or a mother for my child(ren) Cana was at least in the top 3. In the aftermath of our relationship I’ve always been concerned about her and whether or not she would be taken advantage of in other relationships. I often times thought of trying to date her again but she was always involved with someone, who usually I didn’t feel was up to par with her. So recently I was put back in contact with her after not talking to her since before Katrina. Last night I went to visit my friend Cook and his wife and baby in Baton Rouge since they are apparently allergic to New Orleans.

And as I was heading back home I get a call from Cana who lives in BR. So I decided to pay her a visit since I was already there. I got to her house and that face was as soft and sweet as I remembered it. I decided right then and there I wanted to start seeing her again. Long story short we hung out for awhile, watching TV, talking, etc. We ended up kissing a little bit. Then I left and headed back home for New Orleans. The next day she called me and told me that she wasn’t interested in me in that way. That wasn’t too much of a surprise. I could tell she felt kind of funny about it after so many years of us not being physical. But after I got off the phone with her I was left with a strange feeling that hadn’t been around in a while. I had gotten really good at managing situations and avoiding girls who I thought wouldn’t find interest in me. So I hadn’t put myself out on a limb in a situation I was unsure of and come away with negative results in a long time. And it was weird because in that moment I realized that there was even more at play then my lack of interest. I could very well have to deal with a girl lacking interest in me. Scary!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T21:19:00.000-06:00

In case you can’t tell I got a Digital Camera for Christmas. Don’t know how to work it yet, but it takes pictures, so here.

Me and my cousin Adele’s son Xavier

Me and Adele

Me and Aunt Claudia

Aunt Sharon and I

Saia and I

Me and Cousin Gerald

My Uncles and dad

Cousins

My aunts and cousins

Xavier and cousin Isaiah

Adele and Xavier

Family

It reads better to read this one first

2006-12-22T17:08:00.000-06:00

In my head this thought was born from the former but I don’t want my infectious humbug which I have immunized myself to, to hurt anyone else’s delicate sensibilities. After seeing the scene I describe in the blog to follow, I realized that 2006, in about one week if I can maintain, will be the first year in over a decade I managed to make it through the whole year without being sad at any point. There were points where I might have missed someone, been disappointed, angry, lonely, bored, etc. Not once was I sad. I attribute this, in no small part, to the lack of a significant female in my life. I have been riding the wave of self-sufficiency since getting out of my last co-dependence and haven’t looked back. Since my first legitimate girlfriend in my senior year in high school I have spent some part of every year with a significant presence of a woman in my life. 96 and 97 were Tahnika, 98 Chanda, whom I was still saddened by the loss of reaching into 2003 and still dream about on occasion to this day. 01-02 was Antoinette, 02-03 was the NHEG (nappy headed ex girlfriend) 04 was Jacquae and Antoinette and the NHEG and probably some Chanda mixed in for good measure. And 05 was chock full of lyn sadness. That isn’t to say there weren’t other things that made me sad as well in those years. But the girls definitely did their part. Whether it was sadness about a failing relationship, mistrust, me failing them, their sadness which made me sad, or whatever, there was never a full year where I was just living my life happily with no interference. Until 2006. And I’m not trying to convince myself when I say it’s been a lovely experience. 2006 has certainly been my most productive year without question. But it’s also been the year where I’ve made the most out of the least. I’ve had my least dealings with women. My least contact with close friends. Probably my least money. But I’ve been my emotional healthiest. I’ve kept my perspective very well in place. I haven’t gotten beside myself confusing lonliness or boredom with wanting a relationship. I’ve been the sharpest I’ve ever been about spotting early on the things that would make me now want something significant from someone. And I have been rewarded because everyday I wake up there is no absence in my life. There is no phone call to avoid or explanation I feel is warranted or deserved. There is nothing in my romantic world that I don’t want to be there which I can’t say for when I’m in love. I honestly think the reason I am enjoying this so much is because I know it’s the right thing to do. Romantic love for me is very sneaky. It creeps up on me and I’m there before I have time to think better of it. There’s rarely time between the time I meet someone and the time I develop that bond with them I have to chase because they are on the level of someone I want to know in that way. And in the past this has been an issue because I would never learn enough in my time alone to prepare me for the time I would be about to share. I have to make sure I have the energy to endure the impending heartache that will come the next time I’m in a relationship. I know that sounds so pessimistic. But it’s the truth. I know better than to long for fairytales. Every romantic relationship, even the best functioning one, has some level of heartache. That’s an indisputable fact. I’m not naïve enough to say I’ll never be in a significant relationship again just because I’m saying right now that I don’t want one. But unlike most single people I am able to bask in the aloneness and not long for the day the relationship returns since I can appreciate how much I had longed for the day when I would again be single the last time I was in a relationship. I’m also hoping that I’m learning as much stuff and developing as much understanding as I believe I am. I feel like with my time to myself I’m becoming more accepting of things that have been detrimental to my relationships in the past. I’ll like a girl or something to that effect, and in my head our relationship will run it’s course, almost like a virtual relationship, and I’ll spot the things I will grow contemptuous of, and I won’t be hopeful or wishful about the girl and therefore she won’t have the chance to disappoint me. And eventually I will get to the point I want where I can be as callous about things that probably aren’t as big a deal as I believe them to be when I am operating under the perspective of the man in the relationship. Please save your prayers, I promise I am doing so good all by myself.

Black Love

2006-12-22T16:42:00.000-06:00

Last night at Les Bon Temps I stood at the bar while the Soul Rebels bounced the room around me. On my right stood my friend Rome and to my left was this really pretty, tall, light skinned girl dancing with this mediocre looking dude. I’m not hating on the dude or anything, I didn’t want the man’s girl. He just was a pretty average looking dude. That’s how I know it was love. Anyway, he stood at the bar just like me, but with a girl before him serenading him with her dance. She moved her hips salsa like, to the trumpets, spun and pirouetted, moved closer, then far away, then closer again until there lips touched. All the while her eyes never left lock of his, and she kept a shifty, subtle, very sexy smile on her face, which was meant just for him, but I snuck into. Meanwhile he stood there stone grilled. Not in the “Nigga what!” grill but the “That’s right, you know it belongs to daddy” grill. Then I looked across the room. There were two more people on the dance floor. A tall, good looking, older-thirties man and his date. The woman was shorter than him but still pretty tall, brown skinned, seemingly also older thirties, but with one of those young faces that they have, very attractive, and very fit. She danced and bounced in front of him while he two stepped behind her hands around her mid-section. Then I turned back to my left and MY couple was still embraced. This time with her arms around his neck and his at her waist, whispering sweet nothings to each other’s noses. I was so moved I couldn’t stop beaming. I mean ear to ear grin, it was beautiful. I don’t know if it was the alcohol consumption or the Christmas spirit, but I was able to bask in their love and not even think about the probable lying, the cheating, the scandalous behavior and all the ways their relationship doesn’t work. Just two people, alone in a bar with the sounds of brass horns echoing. I wanted to hug them but resisted the urge. White people (my friends excluded) in love are usually pretty boring to me. There’s nothing to overcome for white people to find love. Just kind of happens. Black people are so fucked up with their misguided approach to relationships and self-serving intentions that to see two black people let go of all the bullshit and concentrate on each other is the most beautiful of things.

Zebras

2006-12-08T05:52:00.000-06:00

Referees are the police of the sports world. And when you’re on the junior high level they can be as corrupt and unfair as some of them are too. I’m very proud to say I coach the 6th and 8th grade boy’s basketball teams at Lusher Charter school. My 6th grade boys are at a severe disadvantage. This being a transition year for Lusher from middle to middle/high school,our facilities are not really up to par. So all our middle school teams practice at the same time and same place. Four teams sharing one gym. The girls get half and the boys get half. So basically what happens is my sixth grade boys have to play on the side goals. But they’re a bunch of fighters, all of ‘em and they just want to play so they make do and they never fuss about it. Then when we get in a game they’re not always as well prepared as our girl’s teams or our 8th grade boys, and for that matter the other team. But they give me 100% every time. This game today against Kehoe France was no different. Now let me preface this by saying their boys were playing very well. There were a few questionable calls but it wasn’t like the refs were shooting for the kids. They were definitely giving 100% and playing well to boot. So anyway with about a minute and 30 seconds left and us with the ball, down by 4 points my man drives into the lane and gets tripped. The stupid ass ref calls a travel. Mind you, he has already called several phantom fouls on our big man and our best player Ricky. But we get no slack. So anyway, I’ve already instructed my players we’re not always going to get a fair break, but to just play through it and let the coaches handle stuff like that. You see Lusher is a great school, always has been. We have the privileges and funding of a private school but we’re a public school. We’re pretty evenly integrated with black and white students from various backgrounds, but all with the commonality of Lusher Pride because we know we’re special. So a lot of other schools don’t like that. We play a lot of schools in Metarie where they already have a problem with any team fielding a majority black team. Then on top of that we’re still without a gym we can play home games in. So every game we play is on the road, where these other schools have the same refs they use for every game. The Refs who know already that they’ll be called in to officiate every game, and therefore being the preference of these schools, make the schools a preference of theirs. There’s no guaranteed money in reffing. So when you get in good with one of these schools then why not give em the benefit of the doubt. And I promise you on one particular possession they gave a warning to my bench because my 8th graders were cheering too loud, and I’ll be damned if the Athletic Director for the other school. didn’t say to the ref in a very “I’m the boss” kind of way to give us a tech. Not a suggestive “give him a tech” but a “I’ll be calling another ref if not give him a tech.” But that’s the price you pay to be at the best school. So I tell my players not to even worry about it, and they don’t. So after he calls this terrible call on my man I’m gonna fight for my guy. I tell the ref he tripped my man. After the game the other ref would tell me I stepped out of the coaches box. Video evidence reveals that the only thing on me that left that box was my right leg as I was demonstrating how the other kid tripped my player. The ref calls a tech on me and says “I’m officiating this game.” So I’m standing there looking at him like he’s out of his mind. He’s giving me a technical foul for arguing with his terrible call with 90 seconds left in a four point game. But as if that isn’t bad enough the other coach, who also happens to be named Gian, says "That's ridiculous" nothing more, nothing less. And he gives Gian a tech. Then you can start to hear what he's saying and he says to Gian that he'll "throw one of us out if we get another tech, so SHUTUP." To which Gian replies to him very simply "Don't tell me shutup" The ref tells him something to the effect of he better shutup or else and he tells the ref again "Don't tell me shutup,” nothing more nothing less. And this Crazy Sonofabitch gives him another tech and throws him out. 3 techs in 1 minute over a bad call he shouldn’t have made, and even worse a technical foul he should have never given. He apologized after the game for giving me a tech so quick, but that of course does nothing for the game we just lost that quickly went from a 4 point game to a 9 point game, with 90 seconds remaining, after they knocked down 5 of 6 free throws. My guys fight hard and play the best basketball they can for some bullshit ref to come in and take over the game so he can get invited back. Gimmie a break. But that’s ok. We got our revenge like we always do. Because every time they try to screw my 6th graders over, my 8th grade horses come out and run their 8th grade into the ground. Usually we’ll tell em not to shoot for the second half of the fourth quarter so as not to embarrass the other team we’re already beating by 20. Not this time. We pressed til the clock read 0. And next year they’re gonna have to deal with my angry 6th graders coming back as 7th graders seeking their own revenge. Anyway if you don’t believe me about how crazy this ref is, luckily I tape all our games so I have video evidence of this man’s irrational tech distribution.

2006-12-04T04:18:00.001-06:00

Funny how Time Sorts Things

I recently came in contact with an old acquaintance from high school and college. We only exchanged passing congenialities in college because we were at a college where black people were at a premium. We didn’t necessarily have deeper roots in High School, but they were slightly more involved, only because she dated a close friend of mine. And when I say dated I use the term very loosely. Which brings me almost fully back to this day and incident, which is the height of humor for me now. The incident took place over a two day period. As I sit back and reflect it makes me think of my basketball teams and how soon these kind of insignificant trials will shape their lives because as we know with teenagers the world ends 10 times daily. What happened was this guy, Kodi Roberts, apparently was spittin some tough talk at the girl Tonya. I’m not sure who, and even more laughably I have no idea why, but someone came back and reported this to our group of friends, most notably my very good friend, since 1st grade, Brenton. Now here’s a little backstory.

1. I have only ever hated two individuals in my non-adult life. One of them was Kibwe Franklin, and the other was Kodi Roberts, or boy Kodi since there was a girl Coty who happens to be a great friend of mine, in the same class. I was not alone in this as both of these obnoxious individuals drew the Ire of most of those around them.

2. Tonya wasn’t someone very close to any circle of friends, the people who this incident was reported to belonged. I guess that’s just how high school works though. Things are made an issue of more for effect than actual relevance. I can’t remember what Kodi might have said but I’m sure on a universal scale it wasn’t anything that Tonya’s delicate sensibilities couldn’t handle.

3. Kodi Roberts was not really a big guy at the time. Fairly average I would say. But Brenton was probably the smallest guy in our class not named Michael Schlefstein. What exactly they expected Brenton to do I cannot tell you. But the drama was worth the investigation. ) (Far right, yellow shirt)
At any rate, Brenton went to the front of the school with all the confidence of a dragonslayer and gave Kodi a very stern talking to about not talking any kind of way to Tonya. I can’t exactly remember Kodi’s response but it was probably along the lines of laughing it off, because even though he probably could have pounded Brenton he didn’t actually want to get in a fight. But the gesture alone was enough to win the heart of the young princess. And Brenton the hero had achieved everything teen movies and “The Wonder Years” had taught us in the eighties. The second day is the one that sticks out the most for me though. It was this next day when we had returned to school and Brenton and Tonya were now boyfriend and girlfriend due to his heroics. Apparently this had taken place that evening on the phone and was in full swing when 4th period arrived. So me and Brenton are walking down the hall and he stops to talk to his woman. We only have about a 4 minute interval between classes so we have to make it quick to get back on our way. So the meeting doesn’t take long. But it ends with Brenton, in all his Darius Lovehall, smootness, two finger grabs Tonya by the chin and plants the sexiest kiss a 10th grader can give right there on her cheek. All this with the sly eye cutting of a true player who had been here before and this was common place, and the candor of a suave gentleman who knows just what the ladies like. Both of these being things that Brenton was NOT. I was proud and happy for my friend and it outweighed the overwhelming initial feeling which could be denied no longer when Tonya’s good friend Jennifer Basin, who was also standing alongside watching this, burst into laughter at the whole sight. It was the crowning moment of my friend’s life long dream to be a hero so I was able to hold back the laughter. But sitting here now I am tickled pink every time I think of Jennifer’s timely outburst. And just the pure silliness of it all that this event, that I’m sure no one but me can even remember to this day, was such an important part of our lives a decade ago.

As an interesting post script which is kind of the point of this blog’s title anyway, Brenton and Tonya’s whirlwind love affair came to an end a week or so later. I ended up being very good friends with Kibwe Franklin. I can’t necessarily say I’m friends with Kodi but we have a very close friend, Ayo, in common who ironically is also someone I did not too much like during my high school years, but have since become very close with (nohomo) Ayo as well as other friends and acquaintances in common, and of course time and indifference have forged an acquaintanceship between Kodi and I, which is at the very least friendly with the potential of an actual friendship if we were ever geographically close enough for it to become relevant. Brenton and Tonya probably went a solid decade without thinking about each other, and I’m pretty sure that Tonya and Kodi dated each other just a year or so later, but only for a year or so, which means they probably, too have not thought of each other in quite some time. And to think the world was just short of ending over all this.

Movies and such

2006-12-04T04:16:00.000-06:00

I was watching Menace II Society the other night and I thought it would be fitting to pay a tribute to one of my favorite actors. He is certainly one of the most underrated actors around. But he’s a young guy so hopefully he’ll later on have the impact of a Denzel or a Samuel L. Jackson. But even on his body of work as it stands right now he is a proven winner. I’ve appreciated him in every role so far. Dead Presidents, Crash, What’s Love Got to do with it etc. Are among my more frequently watched movies mostly because of Larenz. And then of course he gave two of my favorite performances of all times. The kind of performances that have shaped the person I am today. In my Freshman year in High School I was introduced to America’s nightmare. Then at the end of my High School career I was introduced to a new, completely different character with an even more profound impact on me; Darius Lovehall. The one constant in these was of course the man himself, Larenz. What ability to deliver with such smoothness or such aggression. He personifies the duality of being the renaissance black man as well as America’s other worst nightmare. Larenz’s performances will live on through the ages.

Déjà blue

***If you have not seen Deja Vu don’t read any further. There are major spoilers here***

In typical Tony Scott fashion he does not fail to disappoint. I long for the day where greedy people with more money than they will spend in several lifetimes will appreciate art over bullshit. Crimson Tide ended well. Other than that these action blockbusters just piss me off more and more every time. And this may have been the last straw (of course it wasn’t. I just said that for effect.) The thing is “Déjà vu” was about 6 minutes away from being my favorite movie EVER. That’s no small statement. 2 hours and 22 minutes of film brilliance up in smoke in no time. I have not enjoyed a car chase in a movie since Commando or Red Cobra and the movies of that era, until this one. This movie was pretty smart, action packed, but the good kind, witty, and just plain old edge of your seat fascinating. I was so pleased when what I thought was a combination of all of my favorite movies coming to fruition. A lil Arlington road, mixed in with some Usual Suspects, a dash of Memento and just a little bit of Sixth Sense sprinkled in for good measure. All this topped off with the bitterness of life. Here’s me about 7 minutes left in the movie. I’m sitting there, smile agape, because there’s no way anything can happen but what I hope and believe. The terrorist dude is really a government operative. This thing won’t go to trial because they’re going to Waste him soon as the interview is over. He tells Denzel among other things that he is a true patriot. He is willing to sacrafice anything for his country. I’m sitting there thinking this is a test exercise for the government performing an act of terrorism on their own people who are the casualties of a new cold war. And With every thing Denzel does he brings the present which cannot be changed ever truer. In the end he will find out that all the events that led to the bombing, much like his partner’s death, are actually now his doing. And we’ll all learn a valuable lesson about life. “The Milk’s spilt, get over it” As Ulysses Handy would say, although his use was less tactful and compassionate. We were so close to being dealt the cruel harsh hand of reality and Tony Scott sold out to the cash. How incredibly unfulfilling. I’m not sure if there’s going to be a director’s cut somewhere around that shows the actual ending (or at least what I hope is the actual one) but if not I fear I may not be able to watch this movie more than two more times. With the ending standing the way it is everybody’s happy except of course The terrorist, who now we have no explanation of what his intentions were behind the ferry bombing, and more importantly me, who feels like he was almost finished giving Stacey Dash the best 3 minutes of her life and 15 seconds before I got my reward she decided it would make everyone happier if we just stopped and cuddled. Damnit Tony! If it weren’t for the last ten minutes of movies you’d be my favorite filmmaker.

My Mind is playing tricks on me

2006-11-24T17:46:00.000-06:00

I’m Solid about 90% of the time. And then there are occasions where life will conspire against me. In about an hour when football comes on, and then later on today when I’m sitting around writing I’ll be neutral again and I won’t want a girlfriend. But then a song will come on. Perhaps “Wake the Baby” by Dwele or “Think Twice” by Donald Byrd, and I’ll want to share it with someone. Then the song will go off and 5 minutes later I won’t care anymore. But those 5 minutes suck. I hate the inner conflict that comes with wanting something you know isn’t good for you. Well, music does that. But Dreams are the worst. Those 5 minutes end up lasting for hours. This morning I dreamt I was in my old house on East View in the living room. And this very pretty, thin, fair skinned girl laid down to go to sleep on my sofa. She was wearing just underwear, but not for enticement, that’s just what she wore to sleep. The blur of the TV was the only light in the room. And I put my hand under the covers on her backside. Her skin was smooth and smelled like cocoa butter. She fell asleep right there in front of me, and in my dream I was happy she was there. Whoever this woman was deserved my adoration. When I woke up I missed her and wished I were still sleeping. Maybe if I had stayed longer she would tell me where she was in the real world. And maybe it’s better that I don’t know. I considered briefly, without conclusion, that this might be the manifestation of my subconscious knowing that an ex-girlfriend of mine is probably in town. But I also thought that might be a cop out because I always blame it on my memories and feelings towards her every time I feel like I want a girl, or think I miss someone who doesn’t exist. Not sure if I want to make myself available to the streets of Bayou Classic this year round or not because if that chance encounter does happen it might inspire more dreams I’ll have to, but won’t want to wake from. If you’re reading this please instruct the people with authority to leave me on the machine if I fall into a long term coma. I like living in my head sometimes. It’s the only safe place to be in love.

Illuminati

2006-11-24T17:45:00.000-06:00

It’s harder to repeat. It means all the fire you had inside that made you work harder and earn those extra yards has to still be there in spite of already savoring the fruits of victory. You have to defend from the complacency, the target on your back from teams that give you their best efforts, and the bad luck you managed to avoid the first time around. I’ll save the storyline of the games preceding championship night. The frat championship was not a difficult game. Although we made it harder then it should have been. Sam came up big scoring both of our touchdowns and tallying several sacks and hurries defensively. But Bryan was named player of the game for his momentum swinging 3rd down catch and his key interception late in the second half that led to our second touchdown.

So Championship night began just as we expected…Very cold. We began the night with two teams in the final four. By benefit of winning the frat league we advanced to the winning side of that bracket and played a law school team. Then our undefeated Men’s team would later that night meet the other undefeated, and unchallenged men’s team, the lethal Doom Squad. Since we had teams represented on either side of the bracket by winning one of two games we would insure ourselves at least a spot in the final, and by winning both we would render a final irrelevant because our frat team and men’s team would face each other. The first team we met was pretty good, but our biggest challenge would be not to look past them to the second game against the only team with more speed than us. And we probably were looking past them as they tied the score right before halftime at 13 with a Hail Mary touchdown. Only two teams had scored twice on us all year and they scored twice in the first half. Our first drive of the next half ended in an interception. So they began their drive but it ended after one first down when I intercepted the quarterback and took it the distance for the lead changing touchdown. We then converted putting the pressure back on them. But they responded and drove the length of the field for a touchdown proving a worthy opponent. They decided to go for two to try to take the lead but Trep broke up the pass in the end zone and we took over up one converting two first downs, which took up enough time to run out the clock. With a spot secured in the final we were set to face our toughest game of the year by far. Doom squad was a team made up of former champs themselves. And with us having played this close game already we wouldn’t have the speed we would want to head into the game. We had been beating teams all year with speed on both sides of the ball. Offense we would often just run past defenders and throw over them. Defensively me and Sam would put down a heavy rush and our defensive backfield were quick ball hawks often forcing turnovers. But this team had players who could stay with us so it was going to take our best game to come out victorious. No team had come within 30 points of them during the regular season. This and also having to play our 9th game in 5 days in the coldest of New Orleans winds was no small task. We got off to a bad start being intercepted on the first drive and they promptly went down and scored. We answered them just before the half with a long drive of our own, but missed on the conversion leaving us down 1. Then with only 9 seconds remaining Roy intercepted a pass and took it almost the length of the field down to the 1 yard line as time expired. It would have been nice to have the score and change the lead but the momentum swing proved important as well. We exchanged touchdowns (Craig and Bryan scoring) over the next few possessions managing to stay within 1 point of them. But they had possession with 4 minutes left and were driving. Until we came up with a defensive stop and turned over the ball on downs after a missed 4th down conversion. We took over possession and drove the field in only 3 plays. Joe, filling in for an injured Sean at QB completed passes to Diddy, Roy and then Joe for the touchdown in three successive plays. We converted the point making it a 6 point game with a little under 2 min left. Plenty of time for the speedy Doom Squad team to take it the length of the field. It would be up to our defense, the strength of our team to stop them. And stop them we did when Moses stepped in front of a pass from their dangerous quarterback and made the game saving pick to seal our repeat men’s league championship.

top left: Quinton, Joe (Rook), Sean (Trep), Bryan, Joe, Roy
Bottom Left: Sam, Craig, Moses, Patrick (Diddy), Gian

No is not an answer

2006-11-17T15:21:00.000-06:00

Why guys try when all hope is lost...

Allow me to give all you ladies a guide into the psyche of a man.

Guy: Hey, how's it going?
You: (uninterested) fine

at this point we can see we're in for an uphill struggle.

Guy: So I just saw you over here and thought I'd say Hey.
You: Oh, ok
Guy: do you have a boyfriend?
You: yes

we can gauge from your tone that the answer is untrue. You may actually have a boyfriend, or not. But we were getting no as an answer regardless. It's obvious you'd like us to give up at this point. So then...

Guy: Can you have friends?
You: No, he wouldn't like that.
Guy: Well how about you take my number just in case?
You: Fine, whatever loser (the loser part is unspoken, but understood)

The last part is a parachute for us to bail out of the situation. But then it can very easily go that we'll keep fighting.

So what's the problem is what you women are wondering. Well there are several things at play here.

1. The male ego-A man doesn't like being told no. Sure women don't like being rejected either, but more frequently than not women will internalize rejection and it will affect "esteem of her ....... self" Men reject, rejection. It's a defense mechanism. We don't like things like this getting under our skin and giving us that moment of pause, or making us doubt ourselves when we approach the next women. So we fight tooth and nail to fend it off at all costs. Let's go back.

Guy: How's it going?
You: (uninterested) fine

We can tell by your lack of recpetiveness, that you don't bother looking us in the eye, your whole body language, your poked out, turned up lips, and your short, non-reciprocating answer that you don't want to holla. Now if we at this point were to just simply step away. Since we approached you first, you are still holding the upperhand, and we just have to take that one as an L. But, subconsciously, we are thinking if we can just keep the volley going long enough, we can work our way into a stalemate, which of course still means nothing as far as production. But at least we can walk away with our heads held high. Subsequently, this is why on ocassion a man will substitute "Can you have friends" for "Fuck you Bitch" but that's usually if you've given of an aire of superiority and we feel justified in your stuck upness to pull the B card. Or....

There is the possibility that our persistance will bear fruit.

Everyman in the world who has tried to engage a large number of women has accidentally come upon a winner from something he thought was a lost effort. These are a rare circumstance, and generally it's a pretty bad idea in general to build your offense around this. It would be kind of like going to a football game and saying we're just going to throw Hail Mary's all game because one of them will eventually land. But assuming we pick up on the fact that you don't want to holla, then it pretty much becomes a desparation effort anyway, so why not just go for it since when we walk away you won't remember us anyway? What if along the way we happen to stumble into something that works. We all remember the scene from Boomerang where Eddie Murphy first meets Robin Givens. And she's like "You're Marcus Graham?" and he's like "See you're a fan of my work. Down there you were treating me like my name was Stanley." We don't know what your string is when we first meet yall. But it just might be something we're good at and if we hang around long enough we might tug at the right one and flip it. The only thing we have to lose by hanging around too long is dignity. And in a dignity vs. Pride matchup, Most men will choose pride without haste.

Then there are those women who actually like to make a man work. Whether it's because they misunderstood the whole concept of playing hard to get, or because they like to believe they are being sought after or what. But there are quite a few women out there who give a man a hard time just to see how bad he wants it. Some may not give him a hard time necessairily. Some may just be super-dis-interested just as a puzzle he's got to work his way out of to earn the number. Like that chick in the Notebook (which is about the most average movie I've ever seen inspite of everyone's praises)

For me personally I've had quite a few women who would go so far as to give me all kinds of attention from a distance, I'm talking smile's, lip licking, winks, The whole nine yards, to induce me to coming talk to them and then putting up the whole resistance thing once I got there. I'm not too good at making things work if I gotta wor for them. More often than not these days I don't even bother saying hi to the women in the first place. 1/3 of the time they aren't interested, 1/3 of the time they're involved but don't tell you until you're 15 minutes into your sales pitch, and the other 1/3 they are open but thoroughly uninteresting. If I feel like I'm about to head into a battle that's probably a losing cause I don't even put myself in that water. But since I haven't tried to holla at anyone reading this blog I guess yall don't care what goes on with me.

That being said, Next time you tell a guy no just realize that you're still 3 or 4 no's away form him being comfortable with your response. Or just beat him to the punch and say you can't talk now cause you've got an agenda but you'll take his number. Then everyone can walk away a winner.

Blog Wars

2006-11-12T06:05:00.000-06:00

*Warning* Don't read this unless you have sometime on your hands.

Or maybe you want to do a little bit at a time. But it's interesting I think. So anyway, I was supposed to have left for Houston Fri but decided against it because I was sleepy and didn't want to get on the road. Of course, sleepy was only in reference to how I felt about driving. Sitting in a room leaves me wide awake. So I got on the computer and start rummaging through blog sites and then friend's pages looking for interesting blogs. A couple of weeks ago I had stumbled on a blog from this girl I didn't know who went to Franklin while I wasn't there. Now I'm not going to make this a black woman/white woman issue but I responded to her blog contradicting some points she made. She responded in kind to me with appreciation for my opinion. So again I went out searching for a thought provoking blog. Well the one I stumbled upon was this med student/poet who was a friend of a friend via Myspace. Most of the people who read my blog probably are aware that I'm pretty opinionated. And if I feel strongly about something I feel it my responsiblity to myself and my integrity to speak up about it. I had been a little more lax this year than usual. But being passive is a waste of the air I'm breathing. At any rate she did not take too kindly to my opinions. But instead of being cordial she decided a better idea was to get defensive. At first response I realized that this wasn't going anywhere good. So I continued the correspondence maintaining a very civil and rational tone. As I assumed she did not. I appreciate that she stood her ground, that she was right, at all costs. So for your reading pleasure I have here the transcripts of her blog, and our responses to each other via comments and messages.

Her Blog:

Ok, so I'm posting this under games, because it really just doesn't apply to relationships. It really applies to dating and there is no REAL category for that. So why NOT games. I mean games DEFINITELY apply to dating.
Ok, so WHY am I writing this? Here we go...

I met this man in the grocery store. Ok, let me restate, I was accosted by this dude in the grocery store. I was picking out soup, searching for this can of Three Cheese Mushroom Campbell's Select, when this man ran up on me, saying, "You shouldn't be down there. You should have a man doing that for you."

Ok, WTF?! Is THAT the best you got? WHO SAYS THAT?! The jacked up thing is that if I had been attracted to him, I would have probably giggled and smiled. But since I wasn't, I didn't. (Yeah, for the men out there...just in case you didn't know, let me put it out there for you--If a woman is attracted to you, it damn near doesn't matter WHAT you say. But if we ain't feelin you, it doesn't matter what you say; we're not hearing it) So, I just looked up and said, "I got it."

He then persisted to invade my space and waste my time. He asked me my name. I told him. He asked me if he could keep in touch with me. I looked him up and down, sized up his uncut, unbrushed hair, wrinkled inside out shirt, dingy pants, absolutely filthy shoes and told him I had a boyfriend--which I don't, but I still said I did. He then went into those famous next words, "So you can't have friends?"

Ok, so why is it not enough for a woman to tell you that she has a man for you to stop? Either she really does have a boyfriend or she is trying to let you off easy. Either way, take the hint. DAMN!

I mean, we went back and forth with me saying things like, "I don't think my man would like that very much," and "How do you think you would feel if your girl gave her number out to some man." Then he would retort with things like, "You gotta be able to meet other people," and "It's ok to have friends." This dude actually FOLLOWED ME THROUGH THE STORE!!! So what did I do?

I gave him my number.

*sigh* I know. *shrug* I just wanted him to leave me alone. *sigh* I really did. I am just no good at giving the wrong number. Usually I would just give one of my girl's numbers, but my closest friend just got married and I'm sure her husband ain't havin that. So I figured if he got my voice mail, then all would be good.

Ok, so he has my number, now and I have peace for a little while. He doesn't call me that night. Great...

He calls me at 7:30 the next morning. WTF?! I answer the phone and in a very "are you fucking crazy" tone, I'm like, "Look, I'm on my way to class." The reality is that he didn't know I had to be at school. He didn't know WHAT was going on in my life. I could have been sleeping--it would make perfect sense. What kind of person feels like it's ok to call someone you don't know that early in the morning?

Ok, so I took care of that...no problem. Do you know he called me later on that day, like 4 hours later, while I was still in class. Then he called me that night.

The next day, Friday, he called me 4 times, spreading the calls out through the day. I finally answered the phone and said, "Look, I have an exam on Monday. Actually, I have 2. I am not going to answer any of your calls." He said, very defensively, "I didn't know." I said, "Yeah, I know. But I thought you would understand when I didn't answer the phone. I will call you when I get some time."

The truth is that I DID have two exams on Monday and I really don't talk when I have exams. But do you know this dude called me mid day. MID DAY! I checked my phone after I got out of my exam and realized I had a missed call from this pressed ass man! Crazy. He called me two more times. Needless to say, I didn't answer the phone either time. He also called me today. Terrible. He called me twice before 6pm. I politely silenced my phone and then I sent him a text message--

This is what it said:
I'm sorry. I think it was a bad idea to give out my phone number.
Please don't call me again.

He texted me back and this is what he said:
I don't know what your problem is but you clearly have one you must
be one of these sad black women I will pray for you Peace

Note: no punctuation at all

I should have let it go, but of course I hadn't given him any of my attitude, yet and I felt like he was entitled, so this is what I texted him back:
Save your prayers. Just because I don't want to talk to you doesn't make
me sad. It makes me SELECTIVE. You're PRESSED. Have a great
life.

He actually texted me back and I deleted it, but this is what it said:
God did not teach me to insult God taught me to love I will still pray for
you God bless you (or some shit like this. Note: he insulted me in the 1st
text he sent)

I decided that I had said my piece and I wouldn't text him again...but I also decided at that moment that I would write this blog.

I mean, why is it not ok to tell a man that you are not interested? Its a mess. I partially fault women, though. We have not stood firm on "NO." Somehow we feel bad for telling a man, "No." That's nuts. It's crazy. However, I will also say that part of it is fear. A lot of these men do not respect women and as soon as you say no, the first word out of their mouths is "bitch" or something like this. And women just don't want to deal with it--I know I don't.

But, I am over it. I challenge every woman reading this--the next time a man approaches you and you are not interested in him, don't tell him you have a boyfriend. Don't give him the wrong number. And don't give him your number and avoid his call. Tell him, "No." Let him know that you are not interested. It's not a good idea. Whatever. Just do it. And if he catches an attitude, just deal with it. Shrug it off and laugh at him. Shit--write a blog about it.

Ok, I guess I have taken up enough of your time. But I do want to say this...the dude who stalked me, his name is Mark. I'm not sure about his last name, but that's his first. He's about 5'11"/6', dark brown complexion, narrow shoulders. That's the best I got. LOL. Hope you don't run into him LMAO

My 1st response:

It's amazing to me the subtle difference between being accosted and being approached. If you're attracted to one man and he says anything that comes off the top of his head that doesn't involve calling you out your name than it's an approach, and you respond with giggles and invitation. But for someone you're not attracted to it's an accost, just because he's persistent? So at any rate you decide to give him your number, even though he's already created a culture of persistence, and you somehow assume he won't be persistent in the same manner until you actually give him attention? Now I'm not placing the blame squarely at your feet, but the fact is I haven't come across his blog about you yet so I have to wait for his audience. Certainly he should probably read the context clues to gauge your interest. But from what it sounds like to me he wasn't ever impolite in his approach (accost). And he didn't do anything to overstep his boundaries until he realized he had them. True it's not necesairly a good idea to call a woman over and over if she doesn't answer, but like you said you were not upfront with him about your (lack of ) interest in him. So it's unfair to be upset at this man because he is trying to hard to engage you as if he should know what's going on with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're wrong in any way for being unattracted to that man. You can't help that. But it is unfair to expect him to know that even though your behavior (giving him the REAL number) seems to indicate otherwise. Furthermore, if this were some man that you were attracted to chances are like you said it would never have turned into an accost. The man you were attracted to would have been recieved better by you and would have been given a better chance to make a good impression even though the man you are attracted to might have bhaved in the exact same fashion if you handled him the way you handled the unattractive guy. I don't think women realize how difficult it can be for a man to approach a woman sometimes. Because far too frequently women for whatever reason look at it as a hassle instead of a compliment to be approached. What does that say...for someone to express an interest in you is a burden to you just cause you don't think they're cute? What if you ran into Oprah in the supermarket, or Nikki Giovanni. And for whatever reason they just decided they didn't like you. So when you approached them simply to say how fond you are of them as people they turn their nose up because they aren't interested in your apreciation. How would that make you feel? Women get the luxury of being sought after by guys so in this game (which it is exactly that, as you said) Men are at a disadvantage in that often they are forced into creating an interest from nothing. This man has no reason to talk to you other than you moved something in him. But that isn't good enough to make you want to talk to him because you (fairly) haven't been moved. So now it's his job to convince you otherwise, without the benefit of knowing how to. That's no easy task, trust me. I've been there myself. All I'm saying is there are a lot of women (and I'm not saying this about you in particular) who do a lot of complaining about the lack of good men. But these same women turn their nose up and give a guy a hard time within 5 seconds of meeting him even though he's complimented them by extending themselves and putting their pride on the line. Just think about this...why would there be any good men when good men get cold shoulders and the run around? Sorry for being so long winded.

Her 1st reply:

Yes, this WAS long winded. Accost: to approach and speak to often in a challenging or aggressive way. Approach: to make advances to especially in order to create a desired result (which I suppose could be aggessive, but doesn't carry the negative connotation that "accost" does). The difference is NOT in the attraction to the man; the difference is in the APPROACH of the man. If a man is intentionally placing himself in my space even after being told he was not needed or wanted, then that is him accosting me. My attraction to him is in the RECEPTION. If you've been blown off, then walk away--this is a woman trying to be nice. But even more so than that, I was WILLING to give him a chance even AFTER I wasn't attracted to him. What I wasn't willing to do was be stalked by him. As far as his behavior, it doesn't matter if I was attracted to him or not. If you press/sweat/stalk a woman, she is not going to feel you, contrary to popular belief. There have been plenty of men who have been wonderful at first glance but then crumble when you get them beyond a "look-see."As for that "good man" cry, it is not in my opinion that he is a good man. And I am so tired of men whining about "women don't know how to deal with a good man," and "good men get walked over." If you check my other blog postings, you wouild notice that I write about AT LEAST one very "good guy" and I don't say anything about THAT MAN pressing me because he didn't stalk me. And if in fact, this rant was NOT about my blog, then please place your comments on your own page where they pertain to what YOU are thinking

My reply to her reply:

Well, I agreed with you that he probably should have made an evaluation of the situation before continuing to "accost" you. But it seems you have an inflated view of the word stalk. At any rate, I certainly wasn't suggesting that he was a "good man" I obviously don't know anything about the guy except your evaluation of him. Additionaly I was not going that in depth into the "good guy" argument. What I was saying is that women complain about there not being any good guys (and I prefaced it by saying this was not directed towards you, since I don't know if you complain about there not being any) but a lot of them take the same attitude to guys approaching them. That being, when guys approach the initial response from women turns it into an accost. And I agree wholeheartedly that men should take no for an answer, I'm just saying why does women's first answer have to be no so frequently? Also I was hoping you would address my issue about it being a burden and not a compliment to be approached.

Her reply to that:

and as I (emphasis on I) was saying, if your comment has nothing to do with what I wrote, then don't put it on my page. As for how often/frequently a woman says no, this should not EVEN be something you ask about. Women say no when they WANT to say no. Doesn't matter how frequently or in what context. And it's not a "burden" to be approached...it's a burden to be harrassed, which is what it is if a woman consistently tells you no. In the meantime, if you want to have any more discussions, please don't use my blog page as a means of addressing only me. It would be far more effective if you carried on a dialogue via email. Anything else that seems like a rant, I will delete.

My reply to that on the blog: *deleted*

Well it does have to do with what you wrote. You are making a point about women being approached by guys. And I made a counterpoint that women should not be so defesive about being approached. But I wasn't addressing only you. Seeing as it is a public blog I was open to feedback from anyone. It just so happens you were the only responder.

My first Message via Myspace (this came in conjunction with my last post which hadn't been deleted yet):

As for addressing you personally...
I agree with you that women say no when they want. But why shouldn't that be addressed? If, in fact, these are the same women who pose the question "where are the good men?" then apparently these women are seeking answers. If they have issue with the way things work then they need to be asking all the questions. Not just the ones that appeal to their sensibilities. Women want to know why guys suck, maybe they sould ask themselves why their initial response to men is to be on the defensive. Maybe if women stopped WANTING to say no as an initial response they might have a greater pool of men to choose from.

Secondly, I can see how you say it's a burden to be harrassed. But it doesn't apply here. You were only harrassed after the initial approach which you immidiately took as a burden because (at your own admission) the guy wasn't attractive enough to you. You had already made your decision that you didn't want his company. Therefore any offering of it was a burden. Which again, I submit, is awfully pretentious. How do you plan to explain to God on Judgement day that one of his children wasn't beautiful enough to merit your attention? If you don't like him cause of it, fine. But if you don' extend him the same priveleges as someone aesthtically pleasing than it's only adding to the problem of the misconceptions that are out there about guys (good and bad ones)

Lastly. It's your blog so I respect your censorship. But I submit to you, what's really the point of a blog if not to stimulate the kind of banter that will allow us emotional growth. If all you want is a bunch of cackling hens and yes men then perhaps you should limit your blog exposure to those who will give you responses that you want to hear. However, you made a coscious decision that you would make your poems available to all the world in spite of the possibility of losing your rights to it because you want any audience that will gain from it. So you, being a writer, shouldn't want to limit the audience to only those that will Amen everything you say in your expository writing. If there was no challenge then everyone would have just reproduced the same things over since Shakespeare. IF there was never an expression of a difference of opinion two sides would never come to an understanding. So why deny your audience (and they are yours, cause they would not be my audience were it not for your blog) a perspective that challenges yours if it's one that could be an effective learning tool if not something that will just open their mind to other possibilities?

Her response to my message:

Firstly, I don't agree with ANYTHING you've said and that's interesting because I'm someone who usually finds something in every argument.

Secondly, I'm not interested in engaging in a debate with you on how women step over a good man. That's not what my blog was about (which is what you ALREADY said and the ONLY thing I agreed with). So you should have that debate with someone who HAS written a blog about it.

Thirdly, if men stopped behaving as though a woman was supposed to behave any differently that the way she ACTUALLY does, then there would be no need for debate. And women have an idea of what they want. If they are saying "No" to you (or anyone for that matter), you simply don't fit what they want. She is not interested. She doesn't want to see that you are "beautiful on the inside." And "No" may not always be her first response, just her first response to you (or any other dude that doesn't fit what she wants). Let it go.

Fourthly, maybe I didn't relay it properly in my blog, I may have to go back and re-read it since I wrote it about 3 months ago, but what he did WAS harrass me. I told him no at least 3 times before I gave in. "No" shoulda had him steppin the FIRST time. And no, he wasn't attractive...AT ALL...but the reality is that every man has that 1st moment to make an impression that can change the course of the interaction. Which is why I've dated men previously whom I didn't find attractive. But he INITIALLY wasn't attractive to me AND he had a wack line--2 strikes is all it takes.

As for censoring my blog. You had it right the first time--MY PAGE, MY DECISION. So your opinions are not needed. As for the "amen" (as you put it), not necessary, but neither is a long ass response that is damn near as long as my blog that loses it's focus and starts to address things that have nothing to do with what I've written--dp that on your own page. As for my poems, I've done some research and their safe...not your business, but I figured that since you used it as a point of argument, I would clarify. And for your opinions on me being a writer and where I SHOULD stand, please note that you don't know me and don't REALLY know where I stand. Besides, who are YOU to say where ANYONE should stand with respect to what they do. You can't be serious.

And for the record, you ALSO don't know about my belief system. If you did, you would KNOW not to use God in ANY argument with me. You have no idea if I even believe in God.

We dont' share perspective and I don't think we ever will. Also, because of your "approach" I'm no longer interested.

My final response:
Well, I can see from your ever-defensive tone that you obviously have no idea how to have a rational debate (please don't feel the need to reiterate that's not what you want cause you have already expressed that, even though that's not at all true because you still took the time to give a rebuttal to each of my arguments. Unless of course what you meant to say is I don't want a debate, I want to give a lecture) I can clearly see you are one of those women who are too spoiled to ever listen to anything that contradicts what they are saying. Maybe you don't agree with anything I've said, and that's fine, but you've been nothing but impolite and irrational in any and all of your responses. I see you've already taken the liberty of deleting my last post, but not my first two, probably because you feel some self-righteousness about you for thinking you've put me in my place or something. I appreciate people who write and take the time to express themselves. I found your blog and thought I might exchange thoughts and ideas with someone who was articulate enough to write a coherent blog, and made an incorrect assumption that she would be receptive of views that didn't directly corelate with hers or result in the necessary adulation in order to be allowed to post on her public blog. So your (lack of) interest is completely irrelevant because at this point I'm not interested to impart any of my perspective on your deaf ears. At any rate don't worry about blocking me from your blog or limiting your readership. I can assure you I won't trouble you by posting there again. If you ever do change your mind though, you are always welcome at my blog. Please don't feel the need to continue this correspondence with your standard negativity and defensiveness. I'm solid and cannot be taken down a peg or two by someone who isn't a big enough individual to make room for others opinions in her little microcosm. This will be my last note to you on this subject.

Lovely. In all honesty the only thing about this episode that upset me was the people (guys) who had responded to her blog initially. Two guys wrote her to tell her they were sorry she had to go through her ordeal, and share with her that they hate when guys are bugaboos blah, blah, blah. People's houses have been destroyed by the tsunami but she gets their deepest sympathies? Yeah right. Niggas will say anything to try to hit. That's what her blog should really be about. I'm sure all the cosigning played a small part in me actually deciding the better of it to go ahead and send her the blog reply anyway.

Mark from the grocery store...if you're out there. I got your back bruh!

I'm Never Getting Married

2006-11-10T11:15:00.000-06:00

This is not the first time I’ve expressed this sentiment. And there are those close to me who I’ve spoken this to who know the optimist and the romantic in me very well and would say I know not of what I speak. But, my darlings, your humble narrator has reached a critical stage. There are so many events that have led me to this point. 2 which have become readily relevant. Not the least of which is the marriage of a former friend of mine. I say former only because his wife won’t allow us to be friends, or at least not on our own terms. I’ve known this gentleman for about half my life now. I will admit there are lots of people I’ve known far less time but still known far better. But I am not the lone victim in this woman’s dastardly plan. His best of friends now must maintain a friendship under a watchful eye and a guarded tongue, because she is ever-present ready to pounce. I know, I was there. But I’ll get back to that in a second. The point is I am too spoiled to relinquish any of my freedoms to a woman’s whim. And I dread the day when I think of that as a better option than living the hassle free life that has come to define me. Back to my friend. So at my first ten year reunion, we were capping the Saturday night events off, which pretty much meant the reunion was drawing to a close for most of us. But seeing as a lot of my friends were in town, this was a perfect opportunity for us to gather and watch football together as a lot of us are in, at least one, and some, multiple, fantasy leagues together. I suppose I was spearheading the effort, not that it was much of a task seeing as everyone was game for it. Well my friend who shall remain nameless, is a guy who’s been in the middle of the pack (foreshadowing his life) in our fantasy football league since I’ve been a part of it. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be extended the invitation of his God-given right of enjoying a football game with people he annually pays money to for their company and witty banter on a message board in a fantasy league frequently littered with remarks about his mediocre team (reflecting his life.) He replied he didn’t want to make a drive back from Baton Rouge in the morning. At that point I suggested he just stay out with us and spend the night. I made the mistake of asking in earshot of his husband if he wanted to join us. Before he was finished hearing my question, his husband turned to him and said something to the effect of “Don’t you remember you’re supposed to be driving me and your son home.” To which he promptly hung his head and didn’t even give me the satisfaction of an answer. Now, I’m not going to tell any man how to live his life, or how to let his husband live his life, but c’mon nameless friend! I mean shit, I understand responsibility and all that but have a fucking backbone and at least tell your woman that you can answer for yourself. If I ever found myself in a situation where the woman was wearing the pants it would damn sure be a private thing between a husband and wife. I’d at least like for others to believe I was a man even if I knew the truth. I just thank God I’m a God blessed Christian, because that was the only thing between her and my sharp tongue. I’m not married to her so I don’t have to deal with the repercussions of telling her I had not directed my question to her and would appreciate if she excused herself from anything I ever had to say again. But In the interest of maturity and not making things hard on my friend I digressed. There’s a large part of me that hopes she someday gets access to this blog or our posts on the message board and somehow finds the gall to confront me, because there aren’t too many people higher on the “piece of my mind” list. In the meantime I just wish my friend and his husband could exchange his great heart for her iron testicles.

Sadly the second reason cannot be explored and even more sadly probably never will be. For one, it would involve more explanation than I have available text to write this blog. And for 2 it’s not my story to tell. But let me just leave you all hanging by saying that the morning I became aware of this unspecified event, I was in a very nice sleep, and had almost resigned myself to going back into mid-explanation from the initial storyteller, when at the Catharsis of the story I stood erect and more awake than I had ever been in my life. I’m not the wise old sage I believe myself to be, but I’ve seen a lot and heard a lot and at this point it’s really hard to find a new story for me much less to actually surprise me with some human’s goings on. I am not ashamed to say that Tyler Durden, John Doe in SE7EN, and Kaizer Soze combined could not have prepared me for this plot twist. And of all the people I would love to tell this story in depth to I would most like to tell it to me circa 2000. There are known, unknowns, there are unknown, unknowns, How the hell I could ever be surprised by a known, known, is still beyond my comprehension. And honestly upon hearing it I was so overwhelmed with emotion I didn't know whether to feel happy/sad/jealous/or giddy, so I just stuck with good old fashioned Shock. And that's where I am now. But there’s one thing for damn sure. I am never getting married!!!!!

With that out of the way, I am very much looking forward to making my way to Houston to Rome’s house this weekend where Gimp Vs. J-Roc round 2 will be happening live for those wishing to participate via conference call. And on tape delay on Myspace and Youtube for those who can’t make it. This time there will be no question….

Do you know who I am?

2006-10-03T06:37:00.000-05:00

I had my ten-year reunion this past weekend. And I’m not sure if while drunk dancing through Dreams one of my friends thought it would be funny to write loser on my forehead, but that girl certainly saw something to make her think that. I met this girl on Friday night outside of Dreams. The next night I called her to invite her to hang out with my classmates at Hookah bar. She said she had to work but she would call me when she got off. So finally around 4 or so I get the call. I tell her that we’ve left Hookah but if she wants to hang I’ll come scoop her. So I drive down to Burboun where she works as a shot girl at one of these bars. She tries to convince me to go to Razoo’s but since they kill black people there I’m not going no matter how many black employees they’ve hired since. Anyway we end up driving around the city. We’re talking the usual getting to know you talk which is becoming more and more mind drubbing with each new person’s boring typical experiences. So I asked her what her “man situation” is like. She comes back at me with

“Well, I’m single but me and my ex are still friends, and we’re working on trying to get back together. We’re only sleeping with each other (which is code for he sleeps with who he wants but tells me not to sleep with other guys) but I can date other guys.”

Elle Ohh Elle!!!

So at this point I’m trying to think of the most polite way I can to tell her to get out of my car. What exactly about me that night did she see that made her think that was something I was interested in? I can say I appreciate her honesty. That’s good of her to just come right out and be like this is what it is. But I consider it almost disrespectful that she took me for the nigga that likes to take the girls out who go home to bone other men.

“I want you to go to that store, and buy some Oreo’s. Then I want you to stand on this corner and hold the pack of Oreo’s out. In a little while some Nigga will come by. Open the pack and he will eat some of the Oreo’s. After about 5 minutes he’ll leave. Just wait there with the Oreo’s until he comes back.”

If somebody told you to do that you would look at them like they had lost their Goddamn mind. This female wants a man to spend his money and time entertaining her while she is both emotionally and sexually unavailable, just so some other man can eat all the Oreo’s? Nigga Please! This young lady had much too high an opinion of herself.

At any rate aside from that the rest of my reunion was lovely. This was actually my second reunion in two weeks since I went to two different high schools, but this was the official one since I graduated from McMain. Just as in the first I was happy to see so many people I hadn’t seen in years.

We reconnected and made pseudo false and some true promises to stay in touch. And I got the joy of meeting Dario’s family friends. We played Bid Whist Saturday and they decided to welcome me to their “Network” Which basically means every three weeks or so they will call me to the fish fry/BBQ/ Seafood boil, to drink and play cards and listen to Frankie Beverly while they do old folk dances and talk buku shit to each other. In case you are reading this and don’t know me the only thing that would make an event like this more heavenly is to throw on a football game. This kind of stuff going on in my life and girls think I got time or inclination to want to warm them up for some other man. God bless their misguided souls.

I have a Crush

2006-09-22T16:21:00.000-05:00

I have a crush.

Which considering my last post makes absolutely no sense. But it’s true. I saw her last night at Lez Bon Tomps watching the Soul Rebels. This wasn’t for the first time of course. She works in the bank I go to. I remember the first time I saw her was when I first moved back here earlier this year. I walked in because I usually prefer to do my banking in the lobby and there she was. She was about 5’6, Golden unblemished skin, Bronze highlights at the end of her brown shoulder length hair. And a face like a fucking Angel. She was breathtaking. Of course I said nothing. But everytime I went in the bank from then on I would look for and find her. One day while banking I ran into a friend of mine who had just started working there. She informed of what I already knew had to be true, that she had a boyfriend. So that was that. I’ve seen her out at the Hookah a couple of times with a guy I assume was her man. But then last night I saw her hugged up with a completely different guy. The other guy I have seen around New Orleans a lot so I know I would have recognized him with her before. But anyway who gives a shit about him. So I stood there across from her and just ogled away. I couldn’t help it. It was like eating coffee cake. How do you make yourself say enough is enough? It’s nice to know that there is at least one woman in the world that looking at her can make me happy and hopeful.

In other news I ran into Michael Smith of Around the Horn fame. He was also watching the Soul Rebels. I was standing around staring at this girl and a large bald headed man approached me with his hand extended. I didn’t realize it was for me til he got closer. He said he had just seen me perform at Dreams and he was diggin it. I was pleased. It’s always nice when people approach me like that. (nohomo) But I think I appreciate it better when guys tell me nice job because I know the guys natural inclination is to listen to women, so if they noticed what I had to say they must have really appreciated it. When women say nice job I’m never sure if they actually liked my poem or just think I’m cute. At any rate I was pleased that he had taken the time to listen. So when I saw Michael Smith and this guy dancing to the Soul Rebels I went to dap him up because it’s nice having him on that show. Someone who shares most of my theory about sports and you feel like you could relate to on a personal level. So when I went to dap him up. He stepped up to me and said “Man, you just did Role Reversal at Dreams right?” and I was like “Oh you were there too?” and he was like “Yeah, man that was the shit. You’re really good.” I mean I know Michael Smith is a regular person just like all the rest of us. But it’s good to know that people who, you appreciate there talent, are appreciative of yours as well.

Repost from 12/09/04

2006-09-22T15:33:00.000-05:00

So it's interesting because reading this now it seems that I have come full circle following my relationship with lyn. And I was having a conversation very recently about relationships where I was basically expressing these same sentiments. Incidentaly, in my first post of this in my t.r.i.g.l. (the randomness in Gian's Life) section I mentioned that George Bush did not value the lives of America's individual citizens (especially black people) before Kanye made it cool. I'm proud that I have dated proof of that so I can reasonably claim he came across my blog and stole that from me.

Ok. So don't think I'm whinning or anything cause I'm not. I hardly ever complain about anything because I am the most blessed individual to walk the face of the earth. I was thinking about a conversation me and my new friend Janelle had a couple of weeks ago. I have absolutely no idea what we may have been talking about I just vaguely remember the one thing that stuck with me. She said something to the effect of She doesn't believe young adults should be depressed. Or maybe it was that she didn't believe depression really should exist, that it was just an excuse. I'm sure I'll hear about this. I'm not even trying to quote her because I have no idea what the statement actually was. But I did get her point when she said it. I understood that what she means is that people use depression as a fallback and they need to work through it themselves. And I somewhat agree with that statement in a lot of ways. I think that the cure for depression, the only one that works, is internal. And most people who claim to be depressed just want an excuse or some sympathy. However, Her not suffering from depression, I don't think she gave it it's proper due. It's hard for people who only associate depression as a feeling of great sadness and immobility to understand. I don't like to hide things, and I don't like people to feel like I'm hiding things but it wasn't appropriate to the conversation, otherwise I would have told her that I suffer from depression. A little known fact about me. What the layman don't understand is that depression is a disease in the same way alcoholism is a disease. It can be acquired or inherited. Once you are depressed you are always depressed. Just because you go a long period of time without great sadness doesn't mean you've gotten over it just the same as if you go 100 years without a drink it only takes one to be back on the horse. And if you submit to it, it will break you. Depression is a chemical imbalance, and that's exactly what it brings about...imbalance. I have not been significantly (by significant I mean more than 2 days straight) sad in a very long time. But that's cause I've learned to moderately control my disease. I inherited it from my mother's side. I'm sure everyone on her side of the family is depressed. I believe I share my particular case with my cousin. Our symptoms are insomnia, low motivation, extreme highs followed by extreme lows and vice versa etc. The most important of these and the one that I believe all inflicted by this share is the extreme highs and lows. Nothing knocks you further from a pedestal than to suddenly find yourself in the dumps after being on top of the world. Sometimes the change brought about is abrupt and inexplicable. But usually it is triggered by some outside force. It makes you irrational. The lows of depression hit harder than they hit for civillians. But the key is balance. You lose the ability to be even keel about things so you have to find a way to get back to your neutral state. So about the time when depression started to take it's affect on me was when I was 15 or so. I was still young and naive and didn't understand the world (as if I do now). Combined with the fact that I was an optomist by nature it made for a diffucult navigation through my teens. Amongst other things I assumed that people had the best intentions in mind, people were by nature rational beings who all acted logically, and if you were a good person things would just work out well for you. WRONG!! So it was then in that year that I began my transcendency into the being I am now. The most profound affect on me came from the opposite sex. I believed, in my naivete, that if you were a good person and you liked someone enough then they were bound to like you. A milder version of love conquers all I guess. I assumed everytime that a girl liked "the wrong guy" that it was just a fluke and all girls don't go for the dogs. The nice guy sometimes does not finish last. I assumed that if my mind follows logical thought processes then why shouldn't females? There were a lot of lows as you might have guessed having that state of mind. There was a lot of sacrafice involved in gaining my equillibrium, but the result of depression is far worse to deal with. So at the present momment I'm fairly pessimistic about relationships, I'm fairly certain I'll never love someone in the same way I used to be able to. I don't value love and ideals in the same way that I once did. And I feel like I am a much better, and more productive person because of it. My friend Monique tells me I sound like Charlie Brown when I talk about this and I'm sure sometimes I do. Sometimes I wish I could be the ignorantly blissful and forget everything I've taught myself in the effort to maintain balance, to remember what it was like to really hope a new girl was the prototype. To look forward to love and not look down to it. But it usually only lasts 15 minutes, and when I come back to earth I remember how much more fun it is to not have to be sad. To have rational thoughts and not be driven by impulses that would embarass more than myself. To sleep, eat, and be happy at my own whims and not on love's schedule. I know I must sound terrible right now. But I couldn't be happier. I'm still very optomistic about a lot of things. Love or the loss of love is not the Gian's blog of human emotion (the end all be all). Anyway I must sound like I'm relapsing into depression right now, which is absolutely not the case. In fact I've kept myself cryogenically in a state of remission for years now. I'll get back to more sheery topics and influential stories next time.

They got what they deserved

2006-09-16T06:29:00.000-05:00

LOL. So I’m here again. Just me, Movies on demand and my procrastination. For whatever reason after I finished watching School Daze I decided to tune into Indecent Proposal. I haven’t seen this movie since High school I’m sure. I remembered why I liked it so much when Demi Moore started undressing for the third time but I never realized how crazy her and Woody Harrelson’s characters are. SO anyway, everyone knows the premise of this movie is that the guy propositions the woman for a million dollars. But what fell by the wayside for me before was that the reason the proposition was so tempting was because the two of them began the movie in financial trouble because of a failing business. So Woody Harrelson’s character borrows 5,000 dollars from his dad, not to save his business, but so they can hit Vegas and try to gamble their way to prosperity. They go to Vegas and in the first day they quintuple their money. By this point I was still only halfway watching the movie and half trying to remember if there are anymore scenes in here with naked Demi Moore. Here’s the fun part. So they cut to Woody and Demi sitting in their hotel room counting money and Woody has a calculator working out how many more hours tomorrow he has to gamble in order for them to get however much money will save the business. Then it all comes back to me. The looks of disappointment when they learn the meaning behind “The house always wins.” I’m giddy now waiting for all of it to crumble. And it was like my first time all over again, but this time less diluted. This time through grown up eyes that could find humor in someone thinking he was just going to gamble his way out of financial troubles. Sitting here now all the other classic moments are coming back to me. Like when she leaves his dumb ass and how much of a slut she is running off with this dude for his money. So now I hate the end of the movie with a passion. When they’re sitting there on the pier and she’s like if you love something let it go, if it comes back blah blah blah. If yall muhfuckers love something don’t pimp or prostitute yourselves for money.

I hate me

2006-09-12T02:00:00.000-05:00

So I’m very angry right now. Football has just gone off and forced to find other means of entertainment, I watched the tail end of “She Hate Me.”

Now of course for the most part I like this movie. I like almost all Spike Lee movies, if not for the content, than at least for the mood and subject matter. This one had the same Style we’ve come to love from Spike, and for the most part the story itself was worthy of my favor. But then at the end it just goes absolutely crazy. If you haven’t seen the movie by now I don’t know what to tell you because it’s been out awhile but there are spoilers here. For those who need refreshing, by the end of the movie the main character has fathered 13 children for money including the 2 children of a lesbian couple that includes a former lover. He walks into the livingroom of the couple fresh out of jail and pronounces to the two of them that he is still in love with his ex and could she still love him? She releases the hand of her life-partner and takes his then gives him a hug without so much as looking her girlfriend in the eyes. Then he reaches out to the girlfriend and she takes the hand of other two and they all hug each other. The two women embrace then kiss each other passionately. Then the first woman turns away from her girlfriend and kisses her old and now new boyfriend very passionately. She lays her head on his chest. Then he and the girlfriend look at each other and decide that the only thing that makes any sense is for them to kiss now. Then it shows the three of them at the beach with their two kids.

So basically, this confused lesbian chooses a man in spite of her ongoing relationship with a woman. The woman who since she insisted she was bound to for life is left aside while she takes her place alongside the man. Welcomed in by the two of them seeing that her only option is to welcome another lover the other woman does so without negotiation or fuss. The man of course takes the two for one. This whole situation is absurd and I can’t believe Spike would write something so completely unbelievable but without purpose. There is no political message in this ridiculous situation coming to fruition. It’s just there for it’s own sake.

That being said, I fundamentally agree with everything that happened at the end. While the circumstances that bring about this Menege et trois, which include the embracing of a heterosexual lifestyle by a lifelong lesbian, and the easy transition of a husband into a lesbian relationship, are silly and contrived, they somehow make perfect sense. So I guess when it comes down to it the person I’m really mad at is myself for not finding the right lesbian couple.

First Grade

2006-08-15T08:02:00.000-05:00

One day Ms Bertrand had decided to put me and my very good friend, at the time, Curtis on the fence for recess. I believe we may have been talking in class even though I was very quiet usually. At any rate we were there for the duration of recess behaving ourselves. Until these two kids Jonathan and Mark who were 3rd graders and also punished on the fence started cutting up prompting us to do the same. Me and Curtis were just playing along with Jonathan, not even sure what the game was anymore. Mark, meanwhile was scurrying back and forth from once side of the fence to the other. I think it was some kind of a war or fighting game we were playing because Curtis started swinging this red and white sweater he had back and forth at Jonathan playfully. But one swing somehow connected with Mark some kind of way. Although Im sure it caused him little discomfort he punched Curtis in the gut. He buckled to one knee wincing and Mark ran off to join the rest of his class because the recess bell had just rung ending recess. I went to help Curtis up and as I was doing so Jonathan told me that Mark was mad at me too and he was going to beat me up. I dont remember what happened immediately afterwards but the next day when I saw the two of them standing in the lunch line I walked straight out of the cafeteria and went to the Library. Not too big of a deal because I never once ate a school lunch after kindergarten anyway. But I did spend the rest of the year having recess in the library because I was more than sure he was waiting for me. Luckily he would be an upper grader the next year and I wouldnt have recess with him again til 4th grade. But our paths crossed a few times before then. Often our teachers would have us bring messages or utensils to other teachers. One day I was selected to go to Ms Scotts class. And of course I knew whos class Mark was in. I was hoping I might just walk in unnoticed but the whole class stopped and looked in my direction. Including Mark who was sitting dead center. I tried to state my business as quickly as possible that way Ms Scotts eyes would be on me the entire time I was in there and Mark couldnt sneak attack me. I felt his presence the way Vader feels Luke I swear. His eyes seared through me even though I had no idea if they were menacing or indifferent cause I didnt dare look back. I escaped alive that time, but later on in the year I was faced with an even worse circumstance. I had just been dropped off at school when I saw out the corner of my eye that he was walking up the sidewalk going into the school just as I was. He had on a yellow raincoat with the hood off. I was petrified, not knowing whether to stay and let him go ahead or try to beat him into the building. I raced out the car, and while walking to class something fell from my pockets. I wanted to stop and see what it was but I knew he was behind me. I heard him call out to me that I had dropped something and as I turned slightly I saw him reaching out his hand to me. Of course in my mind I assumed he was only being nice cause he didnt know who I was from behind. I didnt say word, I continued on a B line right to my classroom. Later on someone would bring the money that had fallen from my pocket to me. Even receiving the money I was positive there would be a threat message delivered from Mark as well but there was none. By the time I got to 4th grade when we would once again be sharing a recess I had come to realize that Mark probably had no idea who I was and in fact probably never intended to fight me. Jonathan just felt like scaring the first grader but didnt want to implicate himself to do it. So sitting here, there is a 30 year old man named Mark somewhere who has no idea the profound impact he had on the formative years of an individual he probably would have no idea he ever met. Meanwhile I can still feel the chills 20 years later